Thanks for the fish

too bad I had a wicked bad hangover. : ) But, I didn’t let it stop me. We went strawberry picking! Pickin’ was good.

16 quarts. Already got 8 of them in bags in the freezer. Hopefully this year they’ll last past July. : ) We may go back and get more. Didn’t do much else today. Pulled a few weeks, took a really long nap, making beef and noodle casserole for dinner. Hung some laundry, cleaned up. 

Last night was fun. Me and AB bonded a bit over a ciggie. : ) We played pool and then fuzzball with R and his new “friend”.  I had a really good time. We came home fairly early..before 1, and I didn’t feel like I drank that much. But feeling a bit rough. NOthing hair o’ the dog can’t cure. : ) I”m living in paradise! I love my life! 

Here’s J having fun. : )

OH! this was the night Tom came home…none the worse for wear. : ) What a boy! He was hungry. Poor kid. I hate to think of him out there all scared. : ( Who knows what he saw. But now he’s home and safe and he just has memories.

Isn’t it precious? It reminds me of a pin cushion.

Turn your head sideways. Callas from my long past away grandmother. This reminds me of a georgia o’keefe print that I bought in Austin about 10 years ago and never hung up. But those were yellow. Must frame that! J says they are too subtle, but I think they are lovely. 

  Stella D’oro… I have 5 of them in a clump. They’re pretty.

Coreopsis moonbeam had buds, getting ready to bloom. My other coreopsis…tickweed… is blooming. Pretty.

Mountain laurel. These are very pretty, but the shape of the shrub is all f-ed up. The flowers are all on teh back side. doh! I’m going to buy one more though, to make it three, and I’m sure they will eventually grow out of their awkward phase.

Turtle eggs? Everywhere.

cute regional sayings. Like in Maine it’s “wicked”. Wicked cool, wicked hot, wicked tired, wicked funny. I think people who don’t live here think it’s an affected thing just for impact, but people really just say it in conversation (some people). One of my friends does it and I think it’s adorable, especially when she tells me I’m wicked funny. I started saying it for awhile, but I need an influence.

I had a friend from New Jersey who would always say she was crazy busy. I picked that one up too. 

 In the deep south, something isn’t just far away, it’s right far away. I never picked that one up because I always think of some back woods hick talking like that. But it’s still cute. 

I’m allowed to judge because I’m not from anywhere. I dont’ think anyone of them are better or worse, I just think it’s cute. I should’ve gotten into linguistics. It’s pretty facinating. I took a linguistics class in college and the professor was this middle aged hippie type guy who wore flip flops to class and had a mullet. He totally belonged in california. I loved the class though. It’s so scientific. In my cluttered mess of a life, something about my loves the obsessive compulsiveness of organization. And with linguistics you can order any language, even those you don’t know into neatly configured little trees. I can’t remember at all how it worked. There were 6 sections, symantics being one of them. I should pick that back up. it wasn’t hard. I got an A.

I need to go to borders. J went without me tongith while I got stuck with grocery shopping duty. It’s so rude! So sexist! argh! I’ve decided to learn about gypsies. They’ve always interested me but I know nothing (as I realized from a quick trip to wikipedia). My parents are gypsies, but not ethnically. I feel like the child of gypsies. Who else joins the armed services except gypsies?

Trying a new wine. Gnarly something old vine zin. Not particularly loving it. very rich. It’s growing on me. but putting me to sleep. We’re going out with the guys later. Just had my ethnic gourmet chicken tikka masala.. now it’s a trend. Must have indian food every friday.

Have pms. All i wanted to do was get through the day without making enemies. I think I succeeded. yay. J’s going to virginia at the end of august. I could go, but I don’t want to take off more work…with my 2 big vacations already planned. Not sure if I’m going to like a cruise, but what the hell… might as well try everything at least once. For some reason I was thinking today what I would say if someone asked me what the craziest thing I’ve ever done is.. I couldn’t think of anything. I’ve done plenty of stupid things. But they were mostly out of timidity. Oh sure, you can smoke crack in my car… hee hee. (No, really, that actually never happened… that was a theoretical example of dumb things I’ve done). 

No point in stopping the rambling now. Got a nice red wine buzz on… let it roll! So I decided today that I just don’t give a shit what people think of me. Yeah, it hurts when people don’t like you, and it hurts when people judge you, but it’s just too much effort to be someone that I’m not. It’s easier to come to this conclusion when I’m fairly certain people like me.

I’m starting to have reservations about a 9 to 5, er 8 to 5, or 7:30 to 5:30 job. For a job, it’s cool, but… but.. but… I”M NEVER HAPPY! I’ll never be happy. I wouldn’t be happy staying home writing the great american novel because I would go insane.

Story time! Last year, I was sitting on the can in the downstairs bathroom and I looked out the window and saw a beautiful black eyed susan, with just one lonely flower, in my backyard. I ran out, dug it up, put it in my weed garden (after the necessary..you know). Well, I didn’t label stuff so well so I had somethign that I hoped was the black eyed susan in there (amongst a gazilion other weeds), and it just bloomed… there’s like 15 flower heads on it and it’s gorgeous. the black head is silky and and really cool. I’ll go take a pic. I’ll be back.  

I was driving home and had this whole philosophical conversation with myself that I was going to blog about (yeah, I need a fucking hobby), then got some interesting news, which broke my concentration. Now I’m trying to decide whether I should let out all of my mean bitter cynical thought, or to take the higher road. ha ha ha!

But seriously, the important thing is that I am happy in my job right now. I am grateful that I’m not in a position that I could’ve been in had I not gotten a new job. : ) Ta da! Positive spin complete! Now for the ranting… who would even hire my ex-boss?????/    ??? ??????????    ???????? ? hmm. Well, I guess he does have that puppy dog kind of charm, and he’s a pretty good BSer. And he probably got a good reference. I feel sorry for that company. But hey, we’re all just trying to get by. I don’t knock him, or anyone. He was actually good at some things. The people I feel bad for are the talented, experienced people who will now have to work for a bossy 25 year old. I won’t say anything more about her. Even though I really really want to. grrrrrr…..

Anyhoo… the reason I’m home is because I gave blood this morning (pat pat) and then almost passed out. So I thougth I’d brave 45 miles of the interstate in a bewildered and disoriented state of being. but I made it! The giving part was pretty painless. They were good. I bled a pint in 8 minutes! Sweet! They were very impressed with my fast bleeding ability. And I had plenty of iron, which usually I don’t. Cute irish guy took my stats and asked me all the embarrassing pre-donation questions like “in the last 12 months, have had sexual contact with a man who has had sexual contact with another man?” Uh… hope not!! Otherwise our marriage is based on a whole fucking lot of lies!!! Then I had to tell him my weight. I, of course, took 6 pounds off. : ) Still not too impressive though. : (  And now, as I always do when I feel bad, I’m eating everything in sight. I always feel like eating will make me feel better. 

It’s hot. Oh! Another vain girly thing to get in print… noticed something today, which is so far, my least favorite sign of aging. My feet are getting flat!!?? Yuk! Even in my awkward ugly duckling phase, I always had really nice feet… nice arches, pretty toes. My arches are falling!! Now I’ll never attract men who have foot fetishes. : ( Darn!

Anyway, so my post was really going to be about how I hate when people say things they don’t mean, and then I was going to analyze that vis a vis my insecurities, buddhism, and the law of gravity and come up with somethign really brillaint. But I’m tired and disoriented, so just know that I’d rather just hear the truth. I may enjoy pretty lies in the short term, but it causes too much anxiety over wondering if people are sincere or not. That’s an oversimplification. And deserves more discussion. But I need a nap and a pizza. 

I forgot to mention a few things.. and I wouldnt’ want you to ever wander what I did with my idle hours… dont’ want to leave anything up to your imagination, so:

 1: Just saw a hummingbird! Cool! Butterflies and hummingbirds (and bees) seem to love these things I have in my window boxes. So I can just sit here at my desk and watch em. Unfortunately I dont’ remember what they are called, but htey look like those cascading petunias (but aren’t). Looks like they need water…sigh… <eyes rolling> god…

   2. Saw a lot of road kill today. : ( Not things you want to see either. I shouldn’t even mention it. But it was really sad.

3. A certain state umm…whatcha call it? uh… agency? seems to think I’m their poster child. Now they want me to testify and stuff…huh?? I’m just a citizen. I’m not particularly educated. Not particularly informed. So I want to say no, but it’s a small state and these things are good for networking opportunities. Good for visibility. I don’t know. I guess I could brush on the facts before then… <grimace>

4. Oh…this one’s important… my new straightening iron came in the mail from folica.com. It’s the same one I had before, but I broke it. The hot tools one. Good stuff girls. AND they gave me a free bag and a free travelling case for those moments in every girl’s life where you are straightening your hair and have to catch a plane..then spend the whole morning wondering if your bag is going to catch on fire. been there!  

at work. Holy crap. Got road rage coming home…now I’m eating my way through the entire contents of the fridge (next up…freezer!… liquor cabinet… in progress!) Ugh. Oh well, I guess I can’t complain, now that I’m makin’ the big bucks. It makes the day go by fast though. I was thisclose to getting a pack of ciggies today. I honestly can’t believe I resisted. I can’t guarantee tomorrow though. I guess I don’t really have anything to say. I’m just completely frazzled.

My muscles hurt even more today than they did yesterday and today is weight lifting day again. : ( Oww.. I hurt just thinking about it. Maybe I”ll skip the driveway jog tonight. Have had so much diet coke today I can’t blink. Maybe I will jog just to tire myself out. Oh well, this is boring. I got nothing.  

getting much done. : ( Why am I so unproductive. Just went for my 2 laps up the driveway. Fucking hot out there. Saw a deer… and my bird, Eddie. J’s putting the a/c up stairs.. I just can’t sleep with it 83 up there.

today! First, I got a raise. Yay! And a bonus. Yay! Then I was pulling up the driveway and J’s dad came running after me with freshly picked strawberries. Yay! (and GOD are they good). Then came home to a clean house. Yay! Now I’m sitting here with my cosmo (yay!) getting ready to work all night (boo). Swamped at work and worked on the wrong damn thing for a day and a half. Now I’m totally behind and have to get this done. Oh well… it’s all good. I am now officially making only 5K less than I was in Virginia (yay!)….gettin’ there! Making 9K more than my first job in Maine.

My muscles hurt from weight training, which I take as a good sign. My stella d’oros are finally in full bloom. For some reason, my garden is a full week or two behind everyone else, including other gardens in b-ham. I guess it’s one of those lil’ microclimates. 

Oh, also got my review today at work. It was good. : ) This is my favorite part “X is the writer I thought she was when we hired her. And she is more efficient than I expected. X is friendly, reliable, and an excellent writer. I’m happy to have her on our team.” ahhh… warm and fuzzies!! : )) Look at me… ecstatic at my job!! YAY!!

Oh, so my bonus will pay very nicely for my Patty G. cruise. Yay! (is that getting on your nerves yet?..no? Yay!). I would tell all this to J but he is watching Lou Dobbs and talking during Lou is a big no-no. Well, time to get toasted and write about health care. Yay! : )  Oh… it’s a really hot day. Reminds me of Virginia… 90+ degrees… feels nice! But I won’t think so when I go to bed and can’t sleep. Going strawberry picking tomorrow and am going to freeze a bunch of them. Friday is happy hour. 

I’m busy… swamped at work. Still working actually.. from home. But, I get time and a half for overtime so cha ching! Yes, I stopped the clock to blog. : ) I don’t mind though. I don’t have much else going on. For once, the timing is good. Just watching the news and about the woman in Ohio who was murdered. I just don’t understand it. Just leave. You don’t have to kill people. Is it an anger thing or do they really think they can accomplish something? On another note, what happened to “innocent till proven guilty.” I mean, I tend to think he’s guilty too… history is not on the boyfriend’s/husband’s side, but this guy has already been laid off and lost a custody battle. It’s like those lacrosse players (who I still don’t really sympathize with (sorry). I just think that the court system is here and all… it might as well get some use.

I’m sore from jogging up the driveway. Took me a while to figure out why my inner thighs hurt…Guess I should get out there again. Everyone’s gotta start somewhere and if it’s 2 laps up the driveway, so be it.

My sunspot is blooming. Looks like rain. Still having trouble sleeping. Well, some of us have to work. : I~

about how fat I’ve gotten. Last summer I dropped a ton of weight all of a sudden..looked up the date, and it was June 16. Which is depressing because I was hoping it would miraculously repeat itself. Nothing fits and it’s really depressing. Ran up and down the driveway twice and almost died. I know all I need to do is to pare down my eating for 2 months and I’ll be fine. Why is this so hard. It’s just hard to get motivated when you feel like a big fat cow. And I have to go to virginia in 2 weeks and face my mother,who will no doubt make some passive aggressive comment about it. : ( Oh well… I’ve been doing weight training for 4 weeks. If I can add a little bit of aerobic exericse and a lot of portion control, I”ll be fine. You have no idea how tempting it is to start smoking again just to lose weight. That sounds so appealing right now. hmm… The only downside is a nagging husband. And the fact that I’ll try to quit in a month and will have to go through that all over again. Probably not worth it.

Drove by the house in manchester for my dad. I gave it a thumbs down. Didn’t actually see it, but given the fact that I turned around before I got to the house due to the fact that I might get shot… I didn’t see that as a good sign. There are some really nice houses in that town though. Some people with money, which I didn’t expect. Some pretty spots. They thought their house in MN was going to sell, but now it looks like it might not. My mom’s nanny gig continues. Poor thing.

Worked on a new sign for the house. I bought a white ceramic round sign and painted the number on it in blue. Tried to stop at that, but I couldn’t. So I painted little pink and yellow flowers all over it too. : ) Classy and sophisticated as always. Harvested 2 heads of lettuce. 2 tomatoes are on the supersteaks… none on the early girls oddly enough. 

Beautiful day. Didn’t work outside or do much of anything. Didn’t sleep well at all last night. Had a Mike’s hard cranberry and fell asleep on the couch. That stuff is better than benadryl for knocking me out. Need to plan my San Francisco trip. I had a nightmare awhile ago that we were there and had hotels. Don’t want that to happen.