Thursday, October 18, 2007

Is 14 years a long time to wait…

for closure? I actually finally gave up on getting closure a few short years, but now guess who emailed me today. Yet another ex-boyfriend! I guess it’s ex-boyfriend remembrance week. Now I could melodramatic and say this guy broke my heart and it took 5 years or more to get over the betrayal and abandonment issues, and that I’ll never trust another guy again… or I could lie and say that didn’t happen. : ) The funny thing is… and I guess this is how life works.. .is that I finally got over it and now he’s stalking me. He sent me 3 emails (which I didn’t know I’d gotten) the last saying “you gonna email me back or what?” Jeezz.. pretty goddamned demanding for a guy who dated me for 2 years, said he loved me more than life itself, then cheated on me and dumped me.  But like I said, I’m over it. I basically believe he’s a nice guy and probably pretty interesting. We were young. Hey, I was a total bitch when I was young, so I can cut him some slack for being a shithead and having no balls.

So anyway, I dumbly immediately replied because I was genuinely happy to hear from him. Then I called my sister to tell her and man is she still bitter! Jeez. I had actually sort of forgotten that he cheated on me and dumped me (I mean it’s been 14 years!) but she sure didn’t forget! She was dropping the A bomb and the F bomb, the MF bomb. Granted, it is a little strange that someone would wake up one morning thinking “I think I’ll send that girl an email. You know, that one I cheated on, then dumped when she forgave me. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!” Sorry - I know there’s a lot of bitter posts this week about ex-boyfriends.. I don’t know what to say.

ON a more positive note - I got my cheesemaking kit! Yay! That was fast. And my piano lesson was lovely. She taught me aobut relative minors and said my Fantasia was beautiful and my czerny was pretty good. She’s finally learned that I like a few manageable pieces per week, so my work load has gone down considerably.

My speech is tomorrow. I’ll be glad when it’s over. I need to run though it a dozen more times tonight. I need to rework the intro. At this point, I’m fairly zen about the whole thing. It’s not that big of a deal. and even if I totaly fuck up and embarrass the living christ out of myself.. um.. how’s it really going to affect my life? That’s right.. not at all. And best of all, I can stop talking about it then.

My house smells like cat pee. : (

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17,026

days left till I die! In order to hone my idea of making every day “worthwhile” I came up with this list yesterday:

1.        –Learn something new
2.        –Talk to someone interesting
3.        –Experience something beautiful
4.        –Grow spiritually
5.        –Laugh or make someone laugh
6.        –Create something
7.        –Make a difference
8.        –Conquer a fear
9.        –Do something scary or uncomfortable
10.     –Try something new or different
11.     –Do something that will positively affect my future

So yesterday I did a #2 (a few of them), a #10 (went to a Cetlic Choir concert thingy… eh… that one might not need repeating), and a #9 (waxed my bikini area… ouch). We also got a drink at a restaurant we’d never been to before. (baby steps). Today, I’ve gotten a double dose of #5, courtesy of my friend J, I just have to share some of her wisdom:

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your presentation prep. You’ll do fine. Deep breaths. If you don’t have any ugly mo-fo’s in the meeting tomorrow just picture them all nakey. But if they are a bunch of hot-mess freaks, gagging isn’t good either:)”

So young, and yet so wise. She’s my hero… 25 years old, 5′1, 6 months pregnant, and could pretty much kick anyone’s ass.

Anyway, in addition to kicking ass, I also aspire to kissing ass, which I’ve never been good at. But I’ve fallen to the #3 on a staff of 3, so I thought I better do something, so I drove my boss to the airport today. I’m not sure how much I impressed him with my cigarette smelling, trash full car… but it’s the thought that counts and we got to do a little bit of bonding.

Then I went to Borders and looked at books like “People Skills” and “Living a Fearless Life” then I decided to stop being so pathetic, save my money, and get some lunch. : ) Then I drove back to work blasting my Regina Spektor and saw one of the adorable IT guys who work here riding his bike. Soooo cute. I have to admit I’ve always had a serious weakness for guys with big noses. Anyhoo. Back to work. Maybe I’ll think of an IT issue I need help with… hmm…

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