Thanks for the fish

My friend A just signed up for an online course about writing a novel! Ack! I can’t let her beat me… Ok, time to refocus! No more thinking about sex all day…must think about my book! I just still don’t know what my damn plot is. Or my theme. Or my purpose. Maybe I should just write dirty stories for playboy and kill 2 birds with one stone? hmm… Or I could write a book about a girl who writes dirty stories for playboy. hmm… yeah… I’ve really gone off track. : (

Went to the gym and did the stair machine. I’m now a giant ball fo sweat. But I feel good. Did I mention last night how I’m going to start loving myself more (no, not that kind of loving myself). You know… accepting my faults and stuff. I spend a lot of time about thinking of everything wrong with me and everything I do that I shouldn’t do. Granted, I could use a bit of improvement but the first step is accepting myself as I am! This morning I woke up with that annoying voice in my head and it was saying something like “why did you have 3 cosmos last night? You are such.. a loser…whaa whaa whaa” and I told that damn voice to SHUT THE F UP! ha! Right now I’m drinking my cosmo with pride. And I had a candy bar today. And 3 cigarettes. And I enjoyed every second of all those things, and that’s the way it is right now. There will time for improvements but we all need some time to just freaking enjoy ourselves sometimes with NO GUILT.

Yeah… so I’m going to try that for awhile. Not too long though or I’ll become a big fat drunk that reeks of cigarette smoke. But I think I’ll try it for a week and then maybe work on some positive changes. Ok, maybe I’m just looking for an excuse to have some fun. : ) hee hee. Well, shit, I’m worth it.

Anyway, I finally finished Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I will miss it though as I lay in bed in the mornings doing my light therapy and reading about turkey sex. Good book! It almost made me want to start a perfect little family so I could cook with them and teach them important life lessons blah balh. But instead I invited my sister to Maine for thanksgiving and she said yes! Yay! I was really dreading a thanksgiving with just me and j. We’re just not enough to make something fun, as sad as that is. My other sister and her husband have all these rituals and they get into stuff together… I get into cooking and then I call J, then he eats the food, we stare at the wall, and well.. hmm.. “I guess it’s time for bed.” Ok, I don’t really mean that totally. I think at certain times of the month he just irritates the living shit out of me. That would be now. : ( But we do like to compete at online mind training exercises, so that’s something (unfortunately he’s beating me..doh!)

Cosmo #2 coming up! And I’m PERFECT! Just as I am. I love me! Go me! Go me! Go me!