Thanks for the fish

today actually turned out to be quite a lovely day, despite the resentful beginning. J was sweet enough to go out to the middle of nowhere with me to check out the house for my parents. The day was pretty, the drive was nice, and I liked the house! It’s basically on top of a mountain and is of the “camp” variety. Now, before I moved to Maine, I would’ve called it a “cabin” but up here they’re called camps…as in, a rustic home away from home where city folk (and others) go on the weekends in the summer. Log siding… a little rough. Not for everyone, but my parents are not everyone. The whole way up we bitched about my parents, because they are insane. My mom is obviously not interested but her passive aggressive nature makes it impossible for her to say so. But nonetheless, I told them it was a thumbs up so they are flying out next weekend to look at it. : ) hee hee… (hmm.. now who’s passive aggressive). But it was really cute.. incredible views.. privacy.. a house with oodles and oodles of potential. But I hate to give recommendations because there is no accounting for taste!

I came home and started plowing through my magazines again (2 down!). I read my Writer’s Digest and got inspired. Then I hauled out my old mac ibook and got out my extension cord and sat on teh couch and wrote (even though I have no idea how to get it out of the computer now..hmm). But I wrote a short story based on my book, though it took a whole new direction. Then I wrote two poems. What are they called? I forgot the name, but they are 2 line poems where the first line is one syllable, the 2nd line is 2 syllables, etc. etc. until 10. Let’s see if I can remember (my mac is out in the living room with no battery).

Cat… ok, I can’t remember. Hold on. Well, while that’s loading up.. what else?

Ok… I have a friend at work and she is the type (like me) to fall hard for people and waste and pine over them for years. One of them was a snowboarder and it inspired her to learn to snowboard. Now that’s one of her cool hobbies, though now she is engaged to someone else. My point is that you can love someone, and then that love turns to indifference (or..um, hate perhaps?) but something attracted you to those people so why lose it all. Right? Hear what I’m saying? Their kindness (ok, not in my case), or adventurousness, or knowledge about something. Because isn’t the reason we fall in love because we want to have whatever they have? I think so. So… I’ve decided I want to learn how to fly! We have a little airport in town..you know, cessnas and stuff. They don’t have lessons there. But when I was younger I wanted to follow in my dad’s footsteps and be in the air force. I loved planes, but decided I didnt’ liek authority. I read an article about a woman near here that learned how to fly when she was 80. It seems like it would be fun. I like moving. It’s good for the soul.

OK, here are my poems. They are called etherees (after the inventor)

note
playing
piano
fingers moving
to the playful beat
stop and go, speed it up
rippling and romping faster
each measure, until the final
and then with breathless abandonment
the musician brings it home wtih a bang

and

Cat
sitting
at window
watching sweeping
of the man outside
who removes the cobwebs
that gently but strongly cling
to the highest reaches of eaves
and crevises between the shingles
such neat and tidy things these humans are

Ta da! Time for din din…

for breakfast. : ) yum. Broke open one bag of frozen strawberries… not sure they’re going to make it all winter. Sure are good though!

I had a dream two nights ago about a black rat that was living in the back seat of my subaru. I let it be because I like rats and figured he wasn’t bothering anyone. Later, we were driving down the road and I thought “ack! there’s a rat in the car.” but then realized I was in a different car. Then, me, my sisters, and mom were in a dark city and I was carrying a big black trash bag filled with either poop or trash. I was told to get rid of the bag and I was very excited and said “I know exactly what to do with it!” and I ran off with the heavy bag to a place in the country and there were peaks (I had just seen the second half of pride and prejudice where they’re in the peak district) and I found a garden and thought “I’ll bury the poop here and it will fertilize the soil!” very pleased with myself. Then I started thinking about it and wasn’t sure if it was poop or just trash, as trash wouldn’t have the same composting quality.

Anyway… my fish last night was ok. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of fish, but J is on this “I’m going to be a genius” kick and apprarently omega 3 is good for your brain. It’s also good for depression. I don’t know if I got a bad piece last night or what but at one point I felt like I had swallowed the entire sea. You know that smell when you walk down a wharf and it’s just really fishy. My whole entire being was infused with that smell and I thought I was going to hurl. And I decided I didn’t really like the local wine (took 3 glasses to figure it out). But, the pizza I made the night before was delish. I know.. food food food. I’m actually sutffed constantly. I wish my stomach had a bigger capacity so I could eat even more.

My piano song is coming along. It’s pretty hard, but I don’t stress out about these recitals as much as I used to. If I mess up a bit I’m not too concerned. But I have a lot of work to do in the next 2 weeks regardless.

My father in law is on this medication for skin cancer. I don’t know exactly what the deal is but I guess he has some questionable spots on his face so they gave him this cream that essentially peels your facial layers off. So he looks like he has leprocy. I joked around with him and told him to give me some, as it woudl be like a chemical peel, and I am getting some wrinkles on my forehead. But now I’ve found that retinol will do the same thing. I got this stuff - roc deep wrinkle treatment. And I was using it at night and it was really making my skin look good. Then I started using it during the day.. now my skin is all red and splotchy and just downright sore. God… the price of beauty! So I guess I’ll lay off that for a a few days.

Oh! I forgot the most important thing about my dream… I took it seriously because I always take animal dreams seriously and I looked it up.. .rats signify “plenty and abundance” and “shrewd intelligence”. “Rat counsels you to be shrewd in your dealings and treat the unknown with suspicion until it’s proven to be something to your advantage; that you pursue your objectives with passion, with pugnacity,, with determination. And know that if you do, a time of expansion, of real plenty and abundance, is yours for the taking.” Well… ok!

Now I have to waste half my day doing something I’m already bitter and resentful over, but I said yes to anyway. I hate when I do that, but oh well. My dad asked me to look at a house (that I know my mother has intention of allowing him to have) but he still has lyme disease and sounded pathetic so I said I’d do it. Sure, no problem dad… 4 hour round trip drive when I have 2 measly days a week off… grrrrr… This is so the last time I do this. But I said I’d do it, so I shall.