Thanks for the fish

dreams.

Last night I dreamt about a coyote (again?). I was outside and saw it and thought “for coyotes, you’re supposed to run” so I ran like the wind, inside and I didn’t see it chasing me, then I looked out and there it was, but it was redder and bigger than it was before.

Then I had this dream that I’ve had a very similar to dream before, years ago, but it was very vivid. This one, I was with J to start with and we had to go somewhere and he didn’t want to go, so he let me out of the car, and I didn’t mind going along. I ran through dark woods on a path, came to a clearing where I could see the ocean and the sky, then went into a house and climbed onto the top shelf of a closet where there was a computer or a safe, and I climbed in and was able to get some sort of special knowledge from it. Then my dad was there and wanted to go in and I told him something and he said “oh, I better not ask about … (something I dont’ remember) then.”  But I kept going in and I would have to go through the whole process again, woods, house, stairs, box.

The one I had years ago, I was running through the woods by the place I lived when I was a teenager in Virgnia. Really sort of wild woods for a suburban area. I came across an abandoned pirate ship. Other people knew it was there, but I found the treasure by opening the attic (the kind where you pull the string and the stairs come down) and I went up and could get something. Again, I had to go through the whole process every time, woods, ship, stairs, treasure. Though I don’t remember exactly what the treasure was.

Weird. What does it mean? You have to work for good things? What about the stairs? I don’t know. Anyway, I’ve been bored today. Just one of those days where I dont’ feel like doing anything. Now I feel a bit better. I read an article about cork trees in my Audubon magazine. It says that if the cork trees go away (because of synthetic stoppers, etc.) a whole environment will be threatened. Eagles, birds, lynx. It’s kind of neat how they peel the trees. Every ten years or so they can peel the outer layer off, but it takes about 43 - 50 years to get really good quality cork and then you’re set for about 150 years (every 10 years anyway). Pretty faskinatin.

On page 2 of my book. Reread what I wrote yesterday and it’s not bad. I should do more tonight. Was so bored I was actually practicing scales and arpeggios on the piano and reading about music theory. Thought about watching a movie but couldn’t find anything I really felt like. I wish I had more Jane Austen adaptations on dvd. It’s all I feel like lately. Yawn! Bed time yet?

me about life (briefly). Went to see the Ellis Marsalis trio tonight. Very cool. Mellow and relaxing. It was nice to watch a group of musicians who are good at what they do, obviously enjoy it, and work well together. It made me think about life in general, how we all have our chance to shine…our solos… but most of the time we’re contributing to something bigger, along with other people, so you might as well enjoy it, let them shine too, and have fun!

Oh! I keep forgetting to write about this. A week ago yesterday I was driving north on 295 from work to my piano lesson and it had been raining and I looked and there was a rainbow, just a vertical line, kind of faint, and I thought, “why do they call them rainbows when have the time they’re basically just lines. They should be called rainlines.” Then I leaned forward in my car to see if I could see more of it and it was a perfect rainbow. It went from the land at one side of the highway to the other, completely unbroken, in a perfect arch over me. Then it brightened and I could literally see every color in the rainbow. It was one of the most incredible things… a total storybook rainbow!

Looking forward to 3 days off. My body’s aching..from the gym, or an impending cold, or too much sitting around, I’m not sure. Went to Bugaboo Creek steakhouse tonight. It wasn’t bad. I’d never been there before so I didn’t break my “new restaurant” rule. When we go out in portland we try to go to a new place every time (or at least somewhere that is new to one of us). Plus, we had a $5 coupon. whoo hoo! I got the meatloaf. I’ve been dragging a bit lately I think because I’ve been eating some pretty heavy food. I might try to cut back a bit this weekend. Well, time for bed!

not much to write about tonight. I didn’t sleep well last night, which is somewhat unusual lately (which is also somewhat unusual). I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep for an hour or so, then I fell back asleep and had a billion vivid dreams that I dont’ remember. Then I woke up feeling like I had finally caught the cold that was going around at work. Then I skipped my light therapy, laid in bed for way too long contemplating calling in sick and finally got my ass going and went to work. I want to start being healthier because it really sucks when I wake up in teh middle of the night terrified by how I’ve treated my body. I haven’t smoked in 2 days and I’ve taken the caffeine conumption down. Now I’m back onto individual wine bottles…portion control is key. Meanwhile, I’ve been eating horribly (but exercising).

I’ve decided that I just need to let go at work. I’m a control freak and it kills me when I can’t control anything. But I made my choice to take that job and I just need to do the best I can and let the rest work itself out. I am thinking about asking my boss if I can work from home a few days a week. It would be more environmentally responsible (plus it would save $$ on gas, which is ridiculously priced right now - especially when you drive 90 miles a day).

Well, I”m going to start my book tonight and see what happens. : )

such passion for bathroom etiquette! I love it. Finally, I’ve created controversy. I stand by my rules, barring emergencies (which do happen).

Went to the gym, did the upright bike and some weights. Had zero cigarettes today, 3 giant chocolate chip cookies, and only 1 diet coke. Cosmo #1 in progress. I say this not because I feel guilty, I’m just giving you the tally. I’m still in no guilt mode.

I have been uberly productive lately. I wonder if it’s the mind training I’ve been doing? I wrote another etheree and I think it’s absolutely perfect. But then I’m a naricissist. Judge for yourself.

 

I just love that little triangle thing! Cute! I started a song last night called “Fight or flight” about my tendency (inherited from both parents) of running away from problems - totally valid response by the way. I have the chorus and the bridge written but not the verses. And I got my book rethought out and now it’s really good. I don’t think I can plan it all out because I think of way better stuff as I’m writing. But I’ve got some good ideas - better than before. I will start tonight. No. I will start now!

I hate work, but the thing is, I do really enjoy the social aspect of it. The stupid xmas parties and the apple bobbing. IT’s better than sitting at  home and waxing my bikini area out of boredom. Seriously. I invented another recipe last night. Macaroni, kale, vegetables, and spagehtti sauce casserole topepd with cheese! Not bad. Antoher example of my overactive mind. Bing! Bing! Bing! Maybe I should exercise more often.

I hardly have the energy to post anymore. I’m so tired and bored and lethargic. And very irritable. Just going into the girls’ bathroom at work is enough to set me over the edge. Have I ever blogged about women’s bathroom etiquette? Well here goes. These are the rules ladies:
1.        If you enter the bathroom and someone is already occupying a stall, you under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do anything more than a quick pee and exit the bathroom as soon as possible.
2.        You always enter the bathroom with enough noise to let anyone in there know you are there.
3.        You under NO CIRCUMSTANCES audibly fart or poop when others are the bathroom (if they come in mid-poo, contract the sphincter and hope they know enough to follow rule #1)
4.        No moaning or heavy sighing
5.        Always practice courtesy flushing during an especially stinky poo
6.        If you plog up the toilet, shut the door or otherwise indicate that others should not enter
7.        If people can see under the stalls, don’t let you pants fall all the way to the floor. It’s very butch.
8.        Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES, if there is someone in the stall should you ever have a conversation of more than 10 words
9.        Do not talk on your cell phone in the bathroom! No one wants to hear you peeing, and no one wants to hear you talking.
10.     Don’t stand around and primp if there are others in the restroom.
There is one major offender who continually breaks Rule #1. As another general rule, not relating to bathroom etiquette (but seen under the door of the stall today) – don’t wear those hideous croc things. They are so ugly. I can deal with Birkenstocks, but crocs should just be banned for pure visual atrocity.
Some other things irritating me lately:
Traffic
People that don’t know how to drive
People that annoy me
People
People talking
People at work
Cats
Rain
Darkness
My husband
My sister
My parents
George Bush
Rich assholes
Poor assholes
Middle class assholes

The fact that I’m not a rich asshole.

Ok..yeah, I’m grumpy.

today actually turned out to be quite a lovely day, despite the resentful beginning. J was sweet enough to go out to the middle of nowhere with me to check out the house for my parents. The day was pretty, the drive was nice, and I liked the house! It’s basically on top of a mountain and is of the “camp” variety. Now, before I moved to Maine, I would’ve called it a “cabin” but up here they’re called camps…as in, a rustic home away from home where city folk (and others) go on the weekends in the summer. Log siding… a little rough. Not for everyone, but my parents are not everyone. The whole way up we bitched about my parents, because they are insane. My mom is obviously not interested but her passive aggressive nature makes it impossible for her to say so. But nonetheless, I told them it was a thumbs up so they are flying out next weekend to look at it. : ) hee hee… (hmm.. now who’s passive aggressive). But it was really cute.. incredible views.. privacy.. a house with oodles and oodles of potential. But I hate to give recommendations because there is no accounting for taste!

I came home and started plowing through my magazines again (2 down!). I read my Writer’s Digest and got inspired. Then I hauled out my old mac ibook and got out my extension cord and sat on teh couch and wrote (even though I have no idea how to get it out of the computer now..hmm). But I wrote a short story based on my book, though it took a whole new direction. Then I wrote two poems. What are they called? I forgot the name, but they are 2 line poems where the first line is one syllable, the 2nd line is 2 syllables, etc. etc. until 10. Let’s see if I can remember (my mac is out in the living room with no battery).

Cat… ok, I can’t remember. Hold on. Well, while that’s loading up.. what else?

Ok… I have a friend at work and she is the type (like me) to fall hard for people and waste and pine over them for years. One of them was a snowboarder and it inspired her to learn to snowboard. Now that’s one of her cool hobbies, though now she is engaged to someone else. My point is that you can love someone, and then that love turns to indifference (or..um, hate perhaps?) but something attracted you to those people so why lose it all. Right? Hear what I’m saying? Their kindness (ok, not in my case), or adventurousness, or knowledge about something. Because isn’t the reason we fall in love because we want to have whatever they have? I think so. So… I’ve decided I want to learn how to fly! We have a little airport in town..you know, cessnas and stuff. They don’t have lessons there. But when I was younger I wanted to follow in my dad’s footsteps and be in the air force. I loved planes, but decided I didnt’ liek authority. I read an article about a woman near here that learned how to fly when she was 80. It seems like it would be fun. I like moving. It’s good for the soul.

OK, here are my poems. They are called etherees (after the inventor)

note
playing
piano
fingers moving
to the playful beat
stop and go, speed it up
rippling and romping faster
each measure, until the final
and then with breathless abandonment
the musician brings it home wtih a bang

and

Cat
sitting
at window
watching sweeping
of the man outside
who removes the cobwebs
that gently but strongly cling
to the highest reaches of eaves
and crevises between the shingles
such neat and tidy things these humans are

Ta da! Time for din din…

for breakfast. : ) yum. Broke open one bag of frozen strawberries… not sure they’re going to make it all winter. Sure are good though!

I had a dream two nights ago about a black rat that was living in the back seat of my subaru. I let it be because I like rats and figured he wasn’t bothering anyone. Later, we were driving down the road and I thought “ack! there’s a rat in the car.” but then realized I was in a different car. Then, me, my sisters, and mom were in a dark city and I was carrying a big black trash bag filled with either poop or trash. I was told to get rid of the bag and I was very excited and said “I know exactly what to do with it!” and I ran off with the heavy bag to a place in the country and there were peaks (I had just seen the second half of pride and prejudice where they’re in the peak district) and I found a garden and thought “I’ll bury the poop here and it will fertilize the soil!” very pleased with myself. Then I started thinking about it and wasn’t sure if it was poop or just trash, as trash wouldn’t have the same composting quality.

Anyway… my fish last night was ok. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of fish, but J is on this “I’m going to be a genius” kick and apprarently omega 3 is good for your brain. It’s also good for depression. I don’t know if I got a bad piece last night or what but at one point I felt like I had swallowed the entire sea. You know that smell when you walk down a wharf and it’s just really fishy. My whole entire being was infused with that smell and I thought I was going to hurl. And I decided I didn’t really like the local wine (took 3 glasses to figure it out). But, the pizza I made the night before was delish. I know.. food food food. I’m actually sutffed constantly. I wish my stomach had a bigger capacity so I could eat even more.

My piano song is coming along. It’s pretty hard, but I don’t stress out about these recitals as much as I used to. If I mess up a bit I’m not too concerned. But I have a lot of work to do in the next 2 weeks regardless.

My father in law is on this medication for skin cancer. I don’t know exactly what the deal is but I guess he has some questionable spots on his face so they gave him this cream that essentially peels your facial layers off. So he looks like he has leprocy. I joked around with him and told him to give me some, as it woudl be like a chemical peel, and I am getting some wrinkles on my forehead. But now I’ve found that retinol will do the same thing. I got this stuff - roc deep wrinkle treatment. And I was using it at night and it was really making my skin look good. Then I started using it during the day.. now my skin is all red and splotchy and just downright sore. God… the price of beauty! So I guess I’ll lay off that for a a few days.

Oh! I forgot the most important thing about my dream… I took it seriously because I always take animal dreams seriously and I looked it up.. .rats signify “plenty and abundance” and “shrewd intelligence”. “Rat counsels you to be shrewd in your dealings and treat the unknown with suspicion until it’s proven to be something to your advantage; that you pursue your objectives with passion, with pugnacity,, with determination. And know that if you do, a time of expansion, of real plenty and abundance, is yours for the taking.” Well… ok!

Now I have to waste half my day doing something I’m already bitter and resentful over, but I said yes to anyway. I hate when I do that, but oh well. My dad asked me to look at a house (that I know my mother has intention of allowing him to have) but he still has lyme disease and sounded pathetic so I said I’d do it. Sure, no problem dad… 4 hour round trip drive when I have 2 measly days a week off… grrrrr… This is so the last time I do this. But I said I’d do it, so I shall.

my life totally revolves around food. It’s all I think about. I’ve turned into my sister. Went to borders and got a new cookbook, Everyday Food by Martha Stewart and I’m making cod with fennel and potatoes. yum! I also bought a local wine. It’s ok.. I actually feel good for the first time today now. I’ve been so damn tired. I think I have mono. Or else I’m just fighting something. My immune system has been pretty good… I feel like I’m getting sick a lot, but not much comes of it.

I was up till 11 last night playing word bubbles on lumosity.com. They give you 3 letters like pil and then you come up wtih as many words as you can think of during hte time limit that starts with those…pillow, pillage, pill, pills, piliated, pilot…it’s totally addicting. My eyes were burning (keep in mind I’ve been getting into bed at 8:30 lately, so 11 is like 4 in the morning to me). Then I got into bed and was doing it in my head…exp explain exponential explanation explanatory… sigh… : ) I like lumosity because it tracks your progress and it’s supposed to be scientifically proven to make you smarter. My worst points are working memory (suck at it..which is surprising because I have a great long term memory - just ask J - he’ll be hearing about the non-anniversary present for the next 30 years), and attention (who can blame me in this attention deficit culture). I guess I’ll subscribe to it…it’s $10 a month or something.

J said recently that the death of americans is this subscription-based culture. I do have a lot of subscriptions. Gym membership, xm radio (which I never listen to), a gazillion magazines, now mind training. Oh well…

I have Frida on netflix, which I’m looking forward to. Well my fish is beeping! I also bought chestnuts. I’m sure they’re not local or anywhere clsoe, but I coudlnt’ resist. They’re roasting now too. : ) food food food foodo food.!

I had a bit of a freakout session earlier. I was utterly convinced that my sister found my blog and it brought back all those memories of my sisters finding my diary! Ok.. I’m not sure that ever happened, but they did once find a letter to my imaginary friend…that was traumatic enough. Now I know I don’t have any world class secrets here, but it woudl be pretty mortifying for people I actually know to see how narcissistic I am. : ) But now I’m fairly convinced I overreacted. Though I could be more discreet. I live in ..uh… Montana! And my husband’s name starts with…uh…X!

Anyway, I almost went to the gym tonight but in the end decided to make homemade pizza…13 minutes left and it looks tasty. I used white eggplants I bought at the farmer’s market, tomatoes, basil, and some baby portobellos I bought at the store.

Well, my posts have been short and boring lately, but I just don’t have much going on. I’ve been in bed by 8:30 lately…just totally dead to the world. I can’t imagine what will happen after daylight savings time. I’ll be in bed by 7. The light therapy seems to keep me in a pretty good mood throughout the day, but come about 7, I’m ready to hit the hay. A Hurricane is coming our way so it looks like heavy rain for most of the weekend. Which is ok. I get so unproductive in the non-summer. ooh! timer’s buzzing!