Thanks for the fish

bleak. And I’m not just talking about the weather, though that applies too. Dreary! So what’s wrong?

Well, first, those creepy crawly, bitey, nearly invisible fiends are back..the bird mites! J has been talking about them for a few days and I thought it was just psychological. I even did that little finger thing around the head that means “koo koo” to him a few times. But he finally had me check his back, and sure enough, there was what looked like a speck of dust sitting there. DOH! I’m not even sure the birds have left the nest yet… ?? Anyway, I’m pretty sure the cats brought them in with them from the porch, so at 10 pm last night I bathed the cats, had my 3rd shower of teh day while J took off all the bed stuff to wash and vaccuumed. Then I locked the cats out, but I still woke up with bites. I’ve been itching for a few nights, but with sunburn and skeeter bites, etc, etc. I pretty much itch all the time.

Oh well… we will vanquish again. Second, unbeknownst to me, J did a radon test down in the basement and surprise! we have high levels. Ok, that was sarcasm. Given the fact that radon comes from granite and we dynamited out a ledge of granite to build our house…not too shocking. But I still didn’t want to know! Now what? Ugh.

Third (no, i’m NOT going to say anything positive today) they shut down the freaking highway today and it’s going to be closed for 10 weeks. Can you believe that? This is America - you don’t shut down highways! It’s so absurd. So let’s just add another half hour onto my already 45 minute commute.

Fourth - It cost me $50 to fill up my gas tank last night. And we’re already freaking out about heating options for this winter.

Fifth - I hate my job. Is this all a sign to move out of this god forsaken state???? San  Francisco here I come, la la l al alla l al. ? Oh well… I’m not all that upset, but it’s all a little depressing. But… I worked from home today in an effort to alleviate #4 above and I was quite prdocutive. Well, still not VERY productive but I chose 3 things to get done and I got 2 of them done, plus one I didn’t remember I had to do. The other one I couldn’t do because I didn’t have the right files. And I ate all day long. Even got into my stash of baked beans! I thought they’d see armageddon, but no…

I’m itchy. : ( But I’m clocking out… the great thing about working from home is that there’s no commuting time. So I’m going to sit back with a book my sister got me for my b-day (Botany of Desire) and relax for the rest of the evening.

brat. That is my new goal. I know some brats personally, and it’s not an attractive trait. And yet, as a youngest child, I’ve got a biiiiiggg dose of brat in me too. So, I’ve been making an effort to not let that side of me come out. In the past, I’ve rationalized it by saying that i’m a “hotheaded redhead” and that my temper was an endearing quality… but yeah… not so much.

Rainy day today, so my plants are still not planted. Yesterday was absolutely gorgeous.. .perfect! We went kayaking literally all day. I slept in, then we got out there by noon. Put in at a new place that’s closer to the bay. Then just tootled around for awhile and then headed for the little island (rock) that we went to last time. It was one of those things where we kept paddling and paddling and paddling (for 2 hours) and the island just didn’t seem to be getting any closer. Then we got to it and I realized that wasn’t the right island at all. Of course J was like “yeah, I know, it’s that island over there” and pointed to an island even FURTHER away. So we kept paddling and finally got there. Thank god nobody was already on it or my inner brat would’ve really come out. Then we spent 2 and a half hours laying on rocks in the sun, reading, writing my book in my head, and looking for sea glass. Then we paddled back and since it was low tide, we had to crawl out in the mud and lug the boats back up the slope.

I love kayaking.. .it’s so meditative. It’s tiring, for sure, but when J’s way ahead of me and I’m just paddling away or drifting and looking at the sun reflecting on the water…it’s just so relaxing. I’d liek to get a smaller digital camera so I can take some pictures out there. Oh, and there were lots of birds…eagles, osprey, seagulls (everyone acts like they dont’ count..they’re like the weeds of the sky.. but I think they’re lovely).

Today I dug out some paint that my sister gave me about 15 years ago. There were some oil paints and oil pastels. I also dug out a book I have about painting, since I don’t know how. But I’m feeling the painterly urge. So I painted a picture of my cat G, our fluffly little black guy… it looks like a kindergartener did it. : ) But whatever.. I’d like to sign up for a painting class but cant’ find one near me. So I’ll keep fiddling around.

What else? Drinking: It’s been 8 days dry and I keep waiting for the day when I don’t think to myself “boy a cocktail (glass of wine, beer, etc.) woudl be nice right now.” So I’m glad I made my goal 30 days, so I can see if that makes a difference. I mean, it’s not like I’m going into DTs or anything or feeling massive urges.. I just sort of feel like it would make my day slightly better.

Working on my book a bit. Downloaded a demo of Final Draft - a software program mostly for screenwriting, but you cna use it for other things too. I don’t really see much of use, but i’m playing around with it. Also got some index cards out to see if I can make a story last all the way through to the end… I’m great at beginnings, but get a bit lost from there…

Work absolutely sucks in every way. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it! Does that sound bratty? I don’t wanna go…I don’t WANNA!

night in the summer… how can you not be happy? I can’t deny that work was a little annoying, but hey… no hard feelings till Monday morning.

First - let’s go through the list. Tried a new restaurant as part of #26. An Indian place..not bad. AND I even tried a new and different dish… something with potato and spinach. It was good. Not very crowded. Actually we were the only ones in there. The dish I made last night was deeeee-licious! I’ve found a labyrinth to walk (scheduled for thursday), and have signed up to donate blood on Wednesday at lunchtime (maybe not the best idea, but oh well). Also bought a new kind of melon at the store called a pepino or something like that… supposed to taste like a banana/pear. So, doing pretty good!

Sad about Tim Russert. : ( He seemed like a good guy. A few months ago (or last year? Xmas?) when I went to VA and my sisters picked me up at the airport, they saw him in the pickup lane too. On crutches. I didn’t see him myself.. so I guess that turned it into a non-sighting.. not too exciting.

My piano teacher gave me a new song to work on called “Prelude to the dance” . she’s been trying to push this one on me for a while. I think it’s some christian thing but I’m not sure. I also asked them to order the Cider House Rules music for me. I’m really tired of playing music I don’t like!

Decided while we were walking around Portland that I want to move to Portland. Then, we drove around our town looking for a place to put kayaks in tomorrow and then I decided that I want to live on the river where it’s sunny and farmlandy and pretty. Then I got home and decided I like it here. I guess I’d ideally liek to have a place in all of those places, but then i’d be stressed out about the upkeep. Yeah… so we’re planning on all day boat trip tomorrow.

My parents stayed with me last night, bringing up another load from MN. they’re making the final trip to their new home in ME in a few weeks. I think they’re excited. The brought me some plants… some lamb’s ear, some poppies, a dianthus, hens n chicks, something else… hypernicum?? I don’t know. A peony. So I need to get those planted this weekend too. But right now I’m sleepy and feel like laying around daydreaming. It’s the only vice I have left I’m such a damn goody goody. That and eating. So what the hell… to the couch!

management:

What does one do when she gets irritated and irate and can’t have a cocktail when she comes home?

1) Have a strawberry shortcake - screw dinner!
2) Have dinner… need something savory!
3) Give yourself a pedicure - nice feet cheer anyone up
4) Listen to Regina Spektor really loud on the way home (ok, I guess that should be #1 but I don’t have the patience to reorganize
5) Clean up (!)
6) Lift very heavy weights
7) Go for long walk with interval training
Snap at husband for absolutely no reason
9) Fool around on the piano
10) Blog about silly things

The only thing left to do is write, though I guess some people would call this writing, so there!

I picked out a new recipe to try this week: Penne with brie and toasted walnuts (taste testing the walnuts right now..yes, yes, I think they’ll do). Picked out a new restaurant to try on Friday - an Indian place in Portland. Also found a labyrinth to walk in Portland. It’s at a church and every now and then they have nights where it’s open to the public. You just take your shoes off and walk… I’ve wanted to do this for a long time… I don’t even remember where I got the idea from, but for some reason I think it will help my mental state. If I like it, then maybe I’ll build one in my backyard. : )

Now it’s only 8:30 and I don’t really have any left to do. I need to think about the plot of my book a bit more before I go really gung ho. I just want to have faith in my idea first.

Awww…..

I don’t think my garden has ever looked better! Of course, it’s only June and the weeds coudl still take over, but everything looks lush and full. The things I planted the first year in the house (3 years ago…4 years ago?) are finally looking awesome and even things I planted last year look great. The climbing hydrangea has doubled in size. The first picture above is of an iris that is almost black it’s such a dark purple. I have 3 or 4 of them and I’ve never seen them before! I’m guessing they’ve just never bloomed before. I have a ton of them, so it’s possible I never noticed.

One of my cranesbill’s reseeded itself in the bed by my office window and one of them seems to have turned from purple to white…? Very odd.

I haven’t gotten much exercise today so I made J go out for a walk with me tonight. There was a severe thunderstorm watch and we watched the storm roll in as we walked. It’s nice to walk beofre  a thunderstorm, when it’s calm and dark, but a comforting kind of dark. The storm never did hit us but it did get really cool (thank god) and windy. A lady in a minivan stopped us looking for her dog. : ( We didn’t see him but I’ve been keeping an eye out for him all night. Nothing sucks worse than losing your pet.

My recital was last night but 2 songs before I was up, the fire alarm went off. We evacuated, the fire dept. finally showed up, we waited outside for 45 minutes and finally my teacher sent us all home… oh well. I was disappointed, but I never liked that damn song anyway. She said she would reschedule, but I’m done. Time to move on. Someone at the recital played a song from Phantom of the Opera that I think I’ll download the sheet music to now… so pretty.

Finally crossed one thing off my 101 list… went to a new car place. It was just Sears at the mall, but for some reason, car stuff always intimidates me. I just needed an inspection and it’s dumb to get intimdated, especially since everyone has to get one done… but it’s just one of those things. But it was easy and I squeezed a trip to Banana Republic in too and spent the rest of the gift card my sister got me for my birthday. Bought a black t-shirt.

Still suffering from sunburn. I even got burnt on the top of my head….that’s a new one. Hurt like hell blow drying my hair this morning. My shoulders are charred too. Ouchy.

My coworker went to a conference and went to a session called “can’t we all get along” where they analyze your personality and show you how to get along with people. She was classified as “dominant” so now we call her “meanie.” So she analyzed us and she pegged me as an “S” for “steadiness”. J would get a kick out of that. But she said I was reliable, predictable, loyal, dependable, consistent… so I’ve dubbed myself “the rock.” ha! I’m actually kind of flattered by it, even though those aren’t the adjectives I would necessarily choose for myself. But for work, that’s not so bad. Oh, and a good listener. : )

Well, we finally got a scorcher of a day..and as fate would have it, it was the day my niece graduated high school…outside. It was one of those hours long ceremonies with the sun beating down on us. I coudl feel the sweat rolling down my back and my skin baking on contact. But of course it was worth it and I’m not too much worse for wear. A bit of a sunburn on my shoulders and knee,and maybe some slight dehydration. Sort of strange to see the next generation going out into the world, yet sort of inspiring (I accidentally typed “expiring!”) too. The kids who spoke seemed very bright and they almost give me faith in the future of the world. And of course my neice is a sweet girl. She’s just so friendly and open and happy. I’ve probably hugged her (or she has hugged me) more times than I’ve ever hugged anyone. So… I sort of got # 96 on my list done (hug someone without doing “the pat”). You all know what “the pat” is, right? It’s that thing that non huggers do when they get hugged. They try to keep as much personal space as possible during the hug and then awkwardly pat the other person’s back to signal the end of the hug. : ) Well, I didn’t do the pat, but I’m still not too happy with my hug. So I think it still needs work - I’ll leave it on the list.

I’m working on a few other numbers too. I’ve flossed my teeth 4 days in a row (3 more to go) - #78….there’s no rule that says I have to start with the hard ones. Oh, and no drinks for 2 days (28 days to go) for #48 (there’s a hard one…a frozen margarita sure would’ve been good today).

I have not been focusing on my book, so not too confident that I’ll be done in a month. : ( I always do this… I just lose faith in my idea before I even start. So tonight I will work at least a little bit on it. My piano recital is tomorrow and I’m just plain not ready for it. Oh well. I’ll stumble through it nonetheless.

Gardening… we finally got the veggies planted yesterday. 6 beefsteak tomatoes, 6 mamma mia tomatoes (good for making paste suppposedly), 2 dusky something eggplants, 3 butternut squash, 2 buttercup squash, 6 slicing cucumbers, buttercrunch lettuce, and some sweet corn planted from seed. We put up a fence this year to deter the deer. Last year was the first problem we’ve had with deer, and they can surely jump over our 4 feet high fence, but there’s plenty of gardens in the neighborhood so maybe they’ll decide to munch on someone else’s this year.

Also got my weed garden weeded, with J’s help. He’s been a huge huge huge help in teh garden this year. I’m trying to get the place lookign nice for when my sister and brother in law come in July. They have a really nice house and stuff and I don’t want them to think I live in hillbillyville. : ) It’s actually coming together quite nicely. The peony I bought at the local plant sale is doing nice, even though it’s sort of broken at the stem. I also planted some herbs in pots this morning…basil, stevia (supposed to be 30 times sweeter than sugar), rosemary, plus some cherry tomatoes. Also bought some gorgeous huge fuschias in hanging basket for the front door. I love them!

That will be my topic today. Ok, I’m sure I’ve spouted off my radical leftist, environmental views before. Yes, I was on the forefront of environmentalism with my much beloved Hyundai Accent that I bought in 1996 and drove till I totalled her 3 years ago. Ok, so maybe that had more to do with the fact that the car cost $10K and I only made $17K, but still… I’ve actually always liked little cars. They’re zippy and easy to paralel park (unless they don’t have power steering, like my hyundai), and they’re just gosh darn cute. So I’ve always been one of those anti-SUV people. I think they’re pointless and for fat, lazy people who can’t fit their fat asses into a normal size car. Plus the whole status thing… and the whole intimidation thing. Basically they represent everything I don’t like about people.

And yet, there are those SUV lovers, (yes I”m talking to you people in TEXAS) who still refuse to let go of their gas guzzlers. I mean, if it was a sentimental thing…like if you had a 66 Corvair Monza that guzzled gas but looked really cool and said something about your personality..fine. But an SUV? Here are the irrational “reasons” people need SUVs:

–I have kids. Big deal! Kids are smaller than adults. They should take up LESS room.
–My kids play sports. Uh huh..I’m sure that soccer ball can’t fit in the trunk of an Accord.
–I have to haul stuff around. Like what? Your cheetoes and coke and McDonalds wrappers?
–I make oodles of money so who cares? You’re an ass.

I know this is judgemental, and I’m not usually a judger, but this stuff really gets my goat. Confession: I have a subaru forester, which is thisclose to being an SUV. But at least I live in Maine, on a dirt road, and the all wheel drive really does come in handy. And it’s nice for hauling kayaks around, and putting 20 bags of mulch in the back. But the truth is that it’s really too big for commuting. I don’t know…

Anything else irrational I can add on to this topic… well some stuff happened at work. I admit it was irritating, but sometimes I think people just hope for something to come along so they can get mad at it. Things are what they are. I just don’t see any point in getting upset over things I have no control over… i know…ha ha ha ha ha.

I sitll haven’t gotten any of my 101 things done. Though I have pared down from 2/3 a bottle of wine a night, to half a bottle. And yes, I do consider that progress. I have also noted that I feel really crappy after just 2 glasses of wine. Duly noted. Someone told me I looked “sassy” today. My niece is graduating high school this weekend, so we have a party for her and then the actual graduation and it’s supposed to be 90 degrees, and we don’t have central a/c!

something new tonight. I’ve been thinking that instead of just rambling, I should have one of those…whachamacallit… a topic! I dont’ have one yet, but I hope to have one by the time I finish.

Well, I was looking at my list and realized that to get them all done, I’d have to do 1 every 10 days. Sooo…since my car’s inspection sticker expired a week ago, I thought maybe I’d the “take my car to a new place” one (which is a scary one for me…creature of habit that I am), but I thought better of it and just went to whole foods for lunch and bought the same sandwich I always get (grilled veggies with arugula and goat cheese). Then thought I could try a new food (also on the list)…uh…maybe tomorrow. Then, I thought..it’s grocery night, I’ll do the one about striking up a conversation with a cashier. A little background:

I’m just generally not the kind of person who strikes up a conversation with anyone at all…every now and then I’ll be in a friendly mood, but it’s pretty rare. If I’m in a good mood and someone starts talking to me, I’ll go along with and think I can be fairly charming, but I’m not an initiator. Now, at my grocery store, I’m pretty much convinced that they all hate me. I think this goes back to when I first moved here and the only social interaction I got was at the grocery store… and you know when you’re alone all day and you get kind of funked out? Well I was perpetually funked out and socially inept, and I just never really got over that.

ANYWAY, I got 2 punk teenage boys and couldn’t be bothered so I just sneered at them and them and left. ha! Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, you’re only a daaaaayyyyyyy awayyyyyyyyy!

But… I did buy 2 bottles of wine and have uncorked the Ravenswood Cabernet Savignon, so I could still accomplish the one about only having a glass a night till the bottles gone. That’s the good thing about 101 things… there’s plenty to pick from. I also tried smiling, but I lost interest in that pretty quickly (not much of a smiler), though I did give a cute guy one of those pained, straight mouthed, closed smiles…he probably deserved some teeth, but oh well.

Still no topic… hmm… well, I have 4 days till my recital. My teacher is sort of insinuating that I’m not ready, which makes me a touch mad since she’s the one who picked a damn song that I didn’t like and was way above my skill level….!?! But damn her, I’ll practice all damn weekend and I’m gonna bring the hosue down.

What else? Politics… Obama, huh? Ok, fine. Who’s that old guy supposedly running against him? Look at those jowls! (hey, if people can pick apart Hillary’s appearance, let the games begin brother! You’re ugly! And old! So THERE! Bite me!

Not very buddhist, I know. Do dee doo… and so we conclude with still no topic. Think I’ll go for jussssttt one more glass of wine. : ) Another day, another 101 things…

day today. I wrote one ad, which I’m sure my boss will rewrite, then spent about an hour trying to write website copy with absolutely nothing to go on, then another hour being mad at the situation. Then I gave up and did some online window shopping and blog reading and walked to the bathroom every hour even if I didn’t have to go. It could quite possible have been “the longest day in history.”

But I found some neat sites (neat!). I’ve heard of blogher but never been there. I was under the impression that it was one chick who wrote it but it’s actually a compliation of a bunch of blogs written by chicks. I have to say, the chicks hold my attention more than the dudes. Do I read any dude blogs? No, not really. Then I came to one I really liked and then linked to another and found this initiative… 101 things in 1001 days, or something like that. The point is to encourage yourself to try new things - like new years resolutions but you have more time. I had to sort of stretch to think of 101 things (yes, I did this all at work) and I would like to refine it, but dont’ really have the energy, so these are my 101 things. I copied a lot of them from the other blog. I like the idea of doing something for a day, or a few days in a row, just to try it…like “smile at everyone I see for an entire day.” Also, it may be a good way to try out giving up some bad habits without committing to “forever”

By Wednesday, March 2, 2011

1. Volunteer at least once to be a literacy tutor

2. Donate blood at least 3 times

3. Participate in a large protest

4. Send a “just because” care package to a friend

5. Give a sincere compliment to 1 person a day for 5 days (must be a different person each time)

6. Work out 3 times a week for 1 month

7. Do 10 real pushups with good form

8. Do not go online for 3 consecutive days

9. Buy a complete outfit purchased from thrift stores

10. Smile at everyone I see for an entire day

11. Stockpile food and water to last a week in the basement

12. Call someone I haven’t talked to in at least six months

13. Read at least 10 books on my personal bookshelf

14. Attend a church service

15. Walk a labyrinth

16. Compose an advance directive

17. Send at least 10 Christmas cards and write a personal note in each

18. Participate in an online writing contest/newsletter OR submit a piece to a printed publication

19. Finish the first draft of my novel

20. Sleep outside (in a tent or under the stars)

21. Go on a hike

22. Ride on the back of a motorcycle

23. Stay in a haunted hotel room OR visit a place that advertises itself as being haunted

24. Take a Sisters-Only Getaway with both of my two beautiful sisters

25. Meet someone new in Bowdoinham

26. Try every restaurant on Portland Dine-Around

27. Obtain a piece of original art for the wall (bought by myself or received as a gift)

28. Take a painting class and paint a giant nautilus

29. Finish the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain video

30. Learn Sumi’e

31. Replace medicine cabinet, patch drywall and paint downstairs bathroom myself

32. Support a craftsperson—buy something handmade (either in person or online)

33. Attend a dance performance

34. Get my 401ks consolidated

35. See an author read from his or her work

36. Start a conversation with a stranger

37. Learn the correct way to hold and shoot a gun

38. Take an African Drumming class

39. Document a “day in my life” with photos

40. Eat 5 things I’ve never tried before

41. Cook at least 1 dish I’ve never made before, at least once a week, for 4 consecutive weeks

42. Preserve enough food to last an entire winter

43. Dry my own fruit using a food dehydrator

44. Eat only raw foods for an entire day

45. Eat only local foods for an entire day

46. Drink 6 glasses of water every day for 7 consecutive days

47. Don’t have any diet coke for 4 consecutive days

48. Don’t drink any alcohol for 30 consecutive days

49. Eat at least 5 fruits and vegetables every day for 5 consecutive days

50. Make a new list of 101 Things by the time my 1001 days are done

51. Become friends with a straight man and have it not be weird.

52. Jam with other musicians

53. Have someone over for dinner

54. Make something homemade or write something for every member of my family

55. Invite a new person to go out for dinner, drinks, lunch, etc. 5 times

56. Take a dance class and then dance in public

57. Visit 2 states I’ve never been to before

58. Ride my bicycle

59. Use my rollerblades

60. Take a poetry class or study on my own. Write one really good poem.

61. Write a song.

62. Take at least one swimming class.

63. Eat a lobster

64. Go ice skating

65. Try bourbon

66. Go snowboarding

67. Go to the rock climbing gym

68. Mediate for 20 minutes a day for 7 days in a row

69. Don’t check stats (of any kind) for 7 consecutive days

70. Don’t say anything negative about myself or other people for an entire day

71. Be nice to 1 person a day for 7 days

72. Put together a scrapbook about me

73. Watch a sunset from the beach

74. Go to a football game in a stadium I’ve never been to before

75. Participate in at least one game of a team sport

76. Do karaoke

77. Take my car to get serviced at a new place

78. Floss teeth every night for 7 days

79. Tell someone new a joke every day for 3 days

80. Tell Jon one reason I’m glad I’m married to him every day for 7 days

81. Become a vegan for one week

82. Don’t use any gas for 3 days (can use other people’s gas)

83. Go out in public with absolutely no makeup on

84. Don’t use any electricity for an entire day

85. Make homemade herbal tea from herbs I’ve grown myself

86. Listen to a new genre of music every day for a week (new one each day)

87. Don’t interrupt people or finish anyone’s sentences for a whole day

88. Initiate small talk with a cashier at the grocery store

89. Don’t accumulate any new plastic bags for a month

90. Don’t buy any non-consumable material items for an entire week

91. Snuggle with my cats for 20 minutes of undivided attention

92. Make Jon breakfast in bed

93. Organize the basement

94. Say good morning to everyone I come into contact one morning

95. Kiss Jon goodbye every morning for a week

96. Give someone a hug (other than Jon) and don’t do “the pat”

97. Don’t use any styrofoam at work for a month

98. Go out socially and don’t get drunk 3 times

99. Buy a bottle of wine and have no more than one glass a night until its gone

100. Build raised beds and plant asparagus, rhubarb, and berries

101. Learn to play “my heart asks pleasure first”

I found a way to work in the phase “does a bear shit in the woods?” to my book. sweetness! Ok, so I’ve downgraded my goals from 11 pages a day to 1 a day. So maybe I won’t write a book in a month… but hey, progress is goddamn progress. Ok, and I didn’t quite stick to one glass of wine. damn! I need to stop buying shiraz…too damn tasty! I’ll start buying white zinfandel or something. : I~~ Or alternatively I could just drink vinegar. Or rubbing alcohol. Perhaps vanilla extract…