Thanks for the fish

approximate mentality of a cranky two year old this morning, and managed to carry the mood all day. : ) I think I now know why cranky 2 year olds are cranky though and I’m sure this will come as no surprise to anyone who’s been anywhere near one. They’re tired! My sleeping patterns are effed up. I know it’s only July but I swear this seasonal depression thing is affecting me already. I’m depressed and panicky and can’t sleep for crap. But now that I have figured out what is causing it (and have decided that it’s not just because my life is totally off track and directionless like I was starting to think), now I’m determined to do something about it.

Yes, it’s time for the yearly quest to manage my mental state! We’re on week 2 of our running program. This week we jog for 90 seconds, walk for 2 minutes, and then alternate that for 20 minutes. It was hard and I was a pathetic, sweaty, wheezing mess, but I did it! I was already feeling fatigued from lack of sleep, but now I feel quite good. Of all the anti-stress, anti-depressant techniques I’ve tried (and I’ve tried many of them) I really think exercise is the most effective. I get sort of a high from it. Plus it makes me feel better about myself, so that’s a bonus too. Now I’m using up my fresh local potatoes and making home fries with chicken sausage and drinking an o’douls.

The people in my writing group are a bunch of slackers. No one will find anywhere for us to meet so I tired, but failed. Now B - the guy who everyone loves but who makes himself scarce (and thus more valuable to the group) by only showing up once a month or so, has decided not to come tomorrow. Now everyone wants to cancel! grrr. So annoying. But I’ve been writing anyway. I don’t really have a plot, but why not start unfinished book #3! Hey, it’s better than giving up. I think if I just get all my thoughts down, it could possibly morph into something (magically).

The rain held off all day. Yay! It’s been a humid few weeks, which is unusual for around here. We went shopping in Freeport - tourist central. I got 2 new outfits from Anne Klein. Then we went to Dick’s and I bought new running shoes, an exercise outfit, and a sweatshirt. I’m ready to become a fit, toned, buff runner!

asphixiation watching “the notebook” and sobbing so damn hard. Holy god. I was coughing and wheezing and moaning, it wasnt’ pretty. Then J tried to intervene and see if I was ok, and I’m one of those people that really don’t like to get interupted during movies (I get very into them) and told him to “get the hell off me!” Now my face is puffy and I’m still on the verge of a breakdown. Whaaaa!

Anyway….breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out… Ok, so the sun was out today! We thought about going kayaking but I looked around the garden and decided it was a little too early in the season to officially give up on it yet. So I systematically started at one end of the house and worked my way over, weeding and tidying up as best I could. I took the window boxes down and ripped out the pathetic dead flowers that have been hanging over them for 3 weeks. I guess tomorrow I should go buy some late season annuals, though it doesn’t really seem worth the trouble.

Then I finished the cheesey self help book I was reading, did 5 minutes of meditating, worked on memorizing the first 2 pages of Cider House Rules, and made dinner. Feeling discontent but trying to talk myself into being happy. The Notebook didn’t help. But damn Ryan Gosling is one hot mutha. (tiger growl… don’t know how you would spell that. : ) )