Dreams
Me, my mom, my dad, and this girl from work, A (not sure how she ended up in my dream, though now that I think about it, she’s been in several dreams I’ve had…weird, let’s analyze that later) and maybe my sisters had gone on a trip of some sort and came back (perhaps from a train trip) and we went to find our car in a city-like place to go home. It wasn’t a super busy city, but just a street where there were some business buildings, parking meters, etc. We walk up to the car and notice that all of our purses are sitting on the roof of the car. Duh! How idiotic! WE left our purses on top of the car all day. (eyes rolling). Then I pull out my wallet and everything is there and I say to my dad “See, this is the great thing about living in Maine. Nobody even stole anything!” My dad walks into a building. Just then, a truck or armored car like vehicle pulls up and a scraggly middled-aged white lady winds down the window and says to me (I’m on the curb side of the car, so she has to say this over the car) “I don’t want to have to shoot you so give me the diamonds. Then I rememeber that there is a bag of uncut diamonds like in a ziplock type bag on top of the car too…a hole big honking bag of them. My first reaction is fuck it, I’m not going to die for diamonds, so I pick the bag up and am about the toss it to her and then I look at my mom and say “Is dad going to kill me if I do this?” and she shrugs as if to say “yes” without actually saying yes. I hold on to the bag, stalling, and I want my dad to come out to tell me what to do. Then I start thinking about it and decide I don’t want him to come out becuase I don’t want him to get shot. Meanwhile, I keep stalling and she waits patiently.
Then, a cop of some sort is standing beside me, but she doesnt’ see him. He has a giant metal arm that he is maneuvering over the armored vehicle, cutting a hole in the top of it. I keep stalling, hoping she odesn’t notice. At this point, I don’t think I can give up the diamonds. I’m sort of frozen. He keeps cutting and then lowers a claw like thing into the vehicle and it wraps around her hand where she’s holding the gun. Then it wraps around her neck and starts strangling her. I’m saved.
Weird, huh? The funny thing was that I felt like I hadn’t even gotten to sleep. I went to bed at 10 and then looked at the clock at 12 and thought, jeez, I’m never going to get to sleep. And then I realized that I had had that dream. Or else I had the dream later and just revised history. Who knows. Anyway, just took today’s dose of krill oil so I can’t wait to see what dreams I have tonight! Assuming I sleep, which is still a problem.
Tonight was jogging night. We’re doing 90 seconds jogging, 2 minutes walking. I’m in rough shape. We do this for 20 minutes and I’m a wheezing mess by the end (actually from the beginning). I know if I stopped smoking I could do better, but I’m not willing to give that up. Besides I only smoke about 5 a day. 8 at the most. That’s not very much, but definitely enough to feel it in my lungs.
Twas a beautiful day. Blue skies, hot, not too humid. Threat of the daily thundershower but none materialized. Our veggie garden is kicking ass. WE have corn!! I’ve never grown corn before so this is super exciting… purple silky fibers are starting to appear. Wow. And the tomatoes have lots of green tomatoes on the vines, and Oh!!! the squash!! I love squash like a baby loves her mama and there are oodles and oodles of squash on the vines. It took forever to flower, but when it did, it flowered like crazy. By the way, squash flowers are very very pretty. As are eggplant flowers. We have a fence, but I’m scared the deer will jump over it. The squash vines (actually everything in teh garden) have gotten HUGE this year. I think it’s all the cow manure we put on. Some of teh squash vines have escaped the fence and I’m afriad the deer will get a taste for it and then be motivated to jump inside. Oh well… I guess worrying about it won’t do any good.
At one point today I had this bad feeling. The feeling you get when you have a weird encounter with someone and feel guilty, or awkward, or ashamed, or bad about yourself. So I went to review the situation in my head so I could make snese of it, and I couldn’t even figure out what the situation was. In other words, I felt bad for no reason. How stupid! And yet knowing nothing happened didn’t help. I could not talk myself into feeling better. It was strange. So then I thought maybe it was something I ate. ? I don’t know.. maybe I’m just kooky.
Having a martini and enjoying the night. There’s really no point worrying about decisions you may never have to make. Tomorrow may come and I will have to make decisions I didn’t see coming, and other options will never materialize, nulling those decisions entirely. I guess I’ll see what life has to offer me (while doing what I can to make sure I get what I want as best I can.)
I am totally swamped at work. Have juicy meaty projects that I’m totally overwhelmed with, but I have decided that I want to win an award. J says that’s a bad goal because I have no control over it. But screw it. I wanna award! So that is my goal.
Still loving A Wild Sheep Chase. Read it! He is wonderful! Next on my list is “When god was a woman” by Merlin Stone. : ) Yes… feeling a touch manic.
