Thanks for the fish

wicked, evil person.

Ok… so this whole financial crisis? Of course I don’t WANT the entire economy to collapse. I don’t want my 401k to become totally useless, especially as I’ve really cranked up my contributions in the few years. But in some weird, sick way, I’m sort of satisfied in a “I told you so” kind of way. Years ago, I lived in DC, where keeping up with the joneses was really a full time job. Everyone had a to have a bigger house than the person next door.. a more expensive car… fancier gadgets. I watched my sister spent waaayyyyy too much on a split level house in the burbs and me and J said “fuck this.” It was totally ridiculous that people making 40K a year get approved to buy a 4000 square foot house… or feel the need to. Let’s face it.. .75% of america is living above their means. why? Because they don’t know better? Because banks loaned them money, so that means they must be able to afford it? Because the government doesn’t have enough regulations? Let me ask you this..when did common sense become not so common? I mean, I’m not all that bright. I get by, but math and finances aren’t my strong point. And yet, I still somehow know that on 40K a year, I can’t afford a $2000 a month mortgage. Right? It’s just common sense. So as I was spit on for driving a hyundai accent and living in an apartment, all of my friends were competing with each other for who had the most luxurious lifestyle. Um.. ok, if everyone is rich, than it’s not really a distinguishing attribute anymore, so just give it up.

Anyway, I guess I”ve always been fairly conservative money wise, and so has J, and I guess I jsut expect everyone else to be the same. So how has this whole thing come about? And why should the government bail these companies out? I know…it’s to protect us all, but isn’t that the slightest bit bullshit? How much do these CEOs of these financial companies make? Aren’t they supposed to be taking care of business…not just effing everything up? It just boggles my mind. I don’t know what the right thing to do is, but part of me is really glad that the house didn’t pass that bill. I may regret saying that later, but maybe not. Hey, maybe I’ll actually benefit from it. If the housing market collapses, maybe I can snatch up a really cheap condo!

I’m a little concerned for my retirement savings… but other than that, I think my job is safe, I don’t have all that much in savings, so… I don’t know. I am still thinking about cashing in some savings for gold buillion but I need to do some more research on it. Well, that’s my rant for the night.

homemade cheese… has resulted in yet another failure. Why is this not working? Is the milk I’m buying really ultrapasteurized, when it says “pasteurized?” Am I doing something else wrong? Usually at the point where the curd doesn’t get solid, I dump it in the sink and curse at it. This time, I’m dedicated to salvaging something…anything… so I got the muslin out and poured the half formed curd into it. Now it’s hanging from a know on my ktichen cabinet and I’m eating this shit no matter what!

This has been a productive weekend, for sure, but now I’m tired and can’t believe that it’s Sunday night. I have absolutely no desire..not the littlest inkling.. to go to work tomorrow. I spent most of the weekend concocting a wardrobe scheme so I wouldn’t have to think about what to wear every day, then ironing everything and organizing it all. I’m pretty happy with it, but since my latest attempt at quitting smoking I’ve gained a few more pounds, which means nothing looks good on me anyway. I should have run today but J has been workign 24/7 and it was raining, and to go running alone in the rain was really too much for me.

We went apple picking on Saturday so now have 40 pounds of apples that I now have to do something with. : ) Why do I do this to myself? I guess because I know that soon enough there will be no fresh food to be had  so I might as well make the most of it. We actually went picking in the rain, and we were by no means the only ones. I also organized the gardening bench in the basement, did all the laundry and oh many other things. My parents came to visit today and my dad finished fixing my downstairs bathroom lights and mirror…now I just have to sand it down, repaint a few patches, and clean up! It looks great. And my mom helped me sew some sweaters and tried to fix my sewing machine, but no luck. It’s really nice having them so close.

I can’t bear to watch the redskins game. For once it’s on TV but I just can’t handle the stress. So I sit here with my old fashioned cocktail looking at the list of things that I did NOT do this weekend and realizing that weekends are way too damn short and there is way too much to do. And writing always gets pushed to the very bottom of my list. Yes, trying to make cheese comes above what I claim is my lifelong duty. OH well….

Heating option update. I sat down Saturday to figure out what to do about heating this winter. It’s not as dire as I thought. Last year we went through approx. 500 gallons of heating oil and spent about $1500. This year, using the same amount, we’ll spent about $1750, if the price stays what it is now. Last year, we were cold though. We kept the thermostat to 60 during the day and 65 for the evening, back down to 60 or so for the night. We supplemented with a propane fireplace in the living room, a space heater in the office, and lots and lots o blankets.

This year, we’ve decided to get a small wood pellet stove for the office. Hopefully the heat will work its way upstairs to the bedroom. The stove will be about $1200, the pellets $1000, but I think the pellets will last more than one winter. WE really may not save any money by going this route, but I’ll feel better knowing that we’re not 100% relying on heating oil. If another hurricane hits Texas and oil doubles, then at least we have options. So I feel good about that. Now we just need to buy one, figure out how to install it, and get Home Depot to deliver the pellets we ordered 2 months ago.

Well… summer is officially over and my summer reading challenge is still going on. I have half a book left, but I”m pleased to report that I have read 9.5 books this summer! I think that’s pretty impressive. Well, it’s only 6:42 but it’s dark and I feel like the night is over. I should do my weight lifting, some writing, maybe make and can some applesauce. But I think I’ll try to tackle book #10 and stay awake till J gets home…if he ever gets home.

1. Pumpkin spice lattes from starbucks
2. Hot chocolate (with or without enhancements of the alcoholic kind)
3. Red wine
4. An excuse to look like a badass in my leather jacket
5. An excuse to wear leather boots
6. Brisk air that makes me think that anything in the world is possible
7. Beautiful fall colors along the highway on the way to work
8. Squash soup
9. An excuse to pile on the blankets at night, which somehow just makes me sleep better
10. An excuse to turn on the fireplace and take naps on the couch.

Tonight was my anniversary and J sent me a dozen long stem red roses. Normally he sends me daisies or something, but I think he felt bad since I reminded him that he got me NOTHING last year and I got him a $250 gps system. : ) Then he took me out to the local brew pub (aren’t I high maintenance) for dinner. I had fettucini alfredo with chicken and broccoli. I read that you should get 3 servings a week of cruciferous vegetables in, so I figured what better way than covered with butter and cream and pasta. And a few glasses of pinot noir. Then we went grocery shopping and I stocked up on fall necessities like Wolfgang Puck Vegetable Broth (necessary for that squash soup), and 4 quarts of canned whole tomatoes (for lentil soup), a bag of tomatoes (for both) and 3 giant garlics. I’ve been trying some natural remedies for my ongoing “female problems.” Dr. Weil says to swallow a clove of raw garlic a day… so I did! I also bought some stuff at the hippie fair that has garlic and some other stuff in it. I thought I was feeling better for a few days but now I feel like I have a urinary tract infection. Isn’t it funny (not funny ha ha) how sometimes we go through these stages of being totally f-ed up an unhealthy, and then you’ll heal and forget all about it. I hope to get to that point again soon.

Work kind of sucks. Oh… moment of synchronicity or something yesterday. I was looking at condos in Portland yesterday. I have a longing to have a place in the city (and keep my place in the country) and so was just looking around on realtor.com. I found a gorgeous 1 bedroom in an awesome location (right by our favorite japanese restaurant) for $187K or something like that, which seems cheap to me (yet also totally unrealistic given our current situation). but I wanted it so bad so I even started a document with a list “what I want” and “how I’m going to get it.” How can I make another $800-$1200 more a month to pay this mortgage? No clue. Then… I had my first French class and I was walking out with the instructor and I happened to mention to her that I was a writer. She happened to mention that she had a few magazines that she runs and was looking for writers. The whole thing was just so easy and effortless. Well, I checked out her magazines and they aren’t the kind of thing that I’m going to get rich on, but I thought… ok, I sent a question out to the unvierse and maybe it didn’t put me on the entrance ramp to the highway of my dreams, but maybe it showed me a sign “highway 2 miles ahead.” You know? I can write, I have plenty of time, why not start submitting to magazines? Can I make $1200 a month? Don’t know. Will it be a lot of effort? For sure. But how much do I want it? I 100% believe that if you want something badly enough (barring love from someone who doesn’t love you) you can get it.

I think that garlic gave me a wicked bad headache. Yikes, it’s late and my boss wants everyone there by 8:30… why? Announcement regarding new boss??

I slept horribly last night, which is par for the course for Monday through Friday. I sleep great on the weekends, and then go way overboard and sleep in waaaayyy too late on Sunday, which makes it impossible to get to sleep Sunday night, which sets off a whole chain of events (including caffeine and alcohol) that makes it impossible to get a good night’s sleep till Friday night. So last night, I caught up on my reading, getting quite far in Eat, Pray, Love, which I do in fact, love. I’d say I was asleep by 11 and then woke up around 3:30 or 4. J had been dead silent since about 8 pm and I sort of wondered if he was dead. But I don’t like to poke him because I didn’t want to wake him (if he was alive). Then I laid there for 2 hours thinking about cute boys at work, my life, getting older (which I was oddly ok with at 5 am this morning). Then I overslept. Finally at 7 am, J was like “Umm, are you going to work?” Oh yeah, guess so.

However, I knew my boss was going to be late since the steelers game was a night game last night (slacker). So I show up at close to 9. Now where I used to come from (DC), 9 am was a perfectly respectable time to get to work. Here (in Maine) it might as well be noon. Don’t underestimate Yankee industriousness. Then I left at 10 to go to the gas station to pick up ciggies and diet cokes. Then at noon I had an appointment to give blood. That took an hour. Then I had to get lunch. At lunch, I decided I’m tired of putting up with my chronic uncomfortable private parts health problem, so called my gyn. Got in for an appointment at 3:20. Then came back for half an hour, then had to go out to pick up a prescription for something that will hopefully cure me. So, I gave blood, had my hoochie prodded, and put up with all the usual Monday work crap, without really doing very much work at all. This was my day.

Then I skipped my writing group because I think they are a bunch of slackers who don’t really have any real ambition and I went to get hot wings and beer with J!! And that cheered me up. : )

And I knew this would happen, but all these classes I’ve signed up for are totally stressing me out.

AND the economy is freaking collapsing! I’m not even joking here, but I am seriously thinking about cashing in my $10K “Africa fund” and getting gold buillion for it. I dont’ trust banks. I don’t trust US currency. I want somethign tangible. I think I actually talked J into buying guns as an investment. They appreciate in value, and hell, when the economy collapses, they might come in handy. Am I overreacting?

Oh well…that’s all for tonight. i need something intelligent to blog about in my other blog. And a good reason to post a semi-flattering photo of myself. I’ve been trying to be honest and stuff and just post unflattering photos… it’s part of my coming to terms with reality project.

that it looks like I’m spending an inordinate amount of time blogging lately, and this would be true, but my theory is that blogging is writing, so at least I’m getting some writing practice in, right? My other blog is a challenge because people I know might acutally read it, and therefore I feel like I have to make it look like my life is interesting and that I have no problems. Which of course is total bullshit. But in the grand scheme of things, life is good. Let’s see if I can think of 5 good things:

1) Went shooting this morning with my piano teacher. It was fun, but even cooler than shooting guns was having someone to do it with. I’m not a social butterfly. I have work friends and email friends and the occasional friend here and there to see when I’m visiting a certain place. But doing stuff on the weekends with someone other than my husband or my in-laws, or work people (in a group) is highly unusual. So that was cool.

2) Ballroom dancing. We had our first lesson this afternoon and whoo-ee it was FUN! J is generally pretty quiet and stoic, but in the right setting he really can loosen up and we had a boatload of fun. Besides, I think I wasn’t half bad. Unfortunately we have to miss next week so I hope we don’t get lost and behind.

3) Gorgeous fall days like today with fields of wildflowers in bloom and small town festivals (even if I don’t go to them) and just generally loving where I am right now.

4) Gaziliioons of green tomatoes to cook with. Green tomatoes? yeah… I was afraid of a frost and basically wanted to get the garden dismantled so I picked them all. I do love a challenge in the kitchen. I’m making Fried Green Tomatoes Parmesan…basically eggplant parmesan but with friend green tomoates. It’ll be ready in 10 minutes so I’ll let you know!

5) My health. Ok, I’m still suffering from some unknown uncomfortable condition in my private parts, but I have faith that it’s nothing serious, or at least nothing that will kill me. I’ll eventually figure it out, and probably the worst thing that can happen is that I’ll become infrertile. And let’s face it, I probably wasn’t having kids anyway. Though I do have the occasional panic attack at 3 am when I’m convinced I have ovarian cancer. Guess I’ll call my doctor AGAIN on Monday and try to get in.

It looks like this storm is pretty bad, huh? I’m watching the Ike coverage on Fox News…not sure why. I guess it just happened to be on that channel. Of course I wouldn’t normally watch Fox, but as they’re not talking about politics, I guess it’s as good as anything else. Speaking of politics (which I shouldn’t) and news coverage, I’m starting to see the Republicans’ point about the media having a liberal bias. I mean, I think Sarah Palin is a kooky nut as much as everyone else, but I think some of the questions that Charlie Gibson asked her were bullshit and he never would’ve pulled that crap with a man.If she weren’t such a psycho, I would really almost be tempted to vote for her and that old guy. And if I am saying that… crazy left wing liberal that I am, this doesn’t bode well for Obama.

But back to Ike. This is horrible. It looks like we’re on the verge of a catastrophe bigger than Katrina. Lives lost, lives ruined, not to mention the rise is gas prices if the refineries are hit. They are talking about gas and oil prices doubling or tripling. As someone about to enter a Maine winter with (still) no heating option other than oil, all I can say is I’m fucking fucked.But as J said tonight, at least we’re not getting hit with a hurricane, our house isn’t going to be destroyed, and we have each other (and the kitties). awww…warm fuzzies! But we’re still fucked.

We went to the gym tonight and did our running. We’re up to 5 minutes jogging, 3 minutes walking X 3. I feel good now. I’m feeling a little bit motivated, like I really want to challenge my body and make it do things I want it to do. And make it stop doing things I don’t want it to do.I do love a challenge, so I’m not sure why I’ve never gotten into working out. Probably because it’s hard and it hurts. And I get all sweaty. eww.

Ok, back to Ike. I just don’t understand these people who don’t evacuate and then they say that their lives are in god’s hands. That makes no sense. No sense. God gave you a brain, probably a car (in their logic I guess), gas, a map, a highway, Fox news… what more do you want god to do for you? Honestly. But what really pisses me off are the people who not only put their own lives at stake but their children’s lives as well.

Well, gun shooting and ballroom dancing tomorrow!

so last night I was doing online resesarch trying to figure out (still) what the eff is wrong with me (since the doctors can’t figure it out). Let me just say that I am famous for getting these chronic undiagnosable conditions…you know like “irritable bowel syndrome” or “chronic fatigure syndrome.” Ok, I don’t actually have chronic fatigue syndrome, but you know…these “conditions” that the doctors don’t know what they are, or what causes them, but tons of people have them so they have to invent something. I suspect I have something like this now…or else I have ovarian cancer. I know…internet reserach is a bad, bad thing.

So last night I was reading about how a sign of ovarian cancer is a big tummy, or unexplained weight gain. As I was reading this, I thought “nah.” Then this morning I tried on a pair of pants I bought not all that long ago. hmm.. a little tonight. Today I just look plain FAT. I am huge and I don’t know why. Ok, perhaps the entire bottles of wine consumed during a night might be part of it. But i really don’t feel like I’ve been eating more than usual. But, I have been in an extreme amount of stress and when that happens I treat my body like crap.

Negativity coming: Fair warning! Work sucks. My boss quit. I’m lost and confused.  My coworker is a nitwit who I am about ready to say I hate (though I don’t really). I have too much to do, and because of nitwit coworker, I don’t have the resources to be able to do my job. Meanwhile, he keeps trying to do my job for me (and perhaps sabotaging me too?). Thus, I have a blow up directed at him (golden boy) every other day, which makes me look like a bitch, and people to side with him even more. Then, my other coworker whines to the director of marketing (on my behalf) and I really hate it when she brings me into it, even though I admit I’m too much of a wimp to stick up for myself so she feels the need to do it for me. (deep breath). I nearly cried at work today.

It’s a disaster. But honestly, I can’t say I hate my job, because I don’t. I have faith it will work out, but it’s really stressing me out right now. But on a high note, my piano teacher is taaching me how to shoot guns on Saturday! Whoo-ee! I’m excited. My watercolors class was fun, but as always I was the odd girl out. And I take myself way too seriously and put too much pressure on myself. I resolve to just have fun with this stuff..after all, that’s why I do it. And now I will enjoy my Lemon Drop Martini and watch Ratatouille!

I have a new blog! Not to say I won’t post here anymore, though.

sundayatseven.blogspot.com

Come visit!

good thing? Despite myself, I couldnt’ stop from being productive this weekend. I worked my ass off. Now, I feel halfway good about myself, and halfway dead tired. Now I’m painting my toenails fire-engine red and looking at what the week has in store for me:

Hopefully a more sane week at work
Watercolors class on Tuesday
Piano on Thursday
Ballroom dancing on Saturday

Then my sister is coming to visit and we’re going down to Boston to see Patty (yay!) open for a band called Swell Season. I’d never heard of them but I guess they are some sort of Irish hoozeythingy. Should be fun. Also have a ton of other things going on… football games and author readings and french classes oh my! A busy and fun fall awaits.

Meanwhile, Hanna the Hurricane came through yesterday but didn’t do anything too major…just rain and wind. Today was one of those gorgeous post-storm days. Windy and blue skies and everything totally vibrant and alive. Oh, and I went running! Finally back on track and it felt good (other than the part where it hurt like hell). I also started putting to bed the veggie garden. I halway took the fence down, halfway took the tomato cages down, and halfway took the cornstalks down. Well, there’s always tomorrow to finsih the half-assed things I started today. I also (almost) finished painting the downstairs bathroom. Just a few touch ups left. And I froze all the rest of the corn. Meanwhile I have about 3 bushels (I don’t really knwo what a bushel is) ripening on the counters. I suppose I’ll get aroudn to doing something to them soon.

Oh, and there was a cormorant in the driveway today. Pictures…

Nearly finished bathroom

Toes in Sacred Scarlet (nice name!)

Martha Stewart’s Minestrone salad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U

Yes, I cried.