Thanks for the fish

French class, and feeling incredibly guilty about it. Hmmm, there’s a phrase I didn’t think I’d use past high school. Of course, I took Spanish, not French, in high school. I’m just too tired tonight. I way overextended myself this fall and I’m too busy at work, and too hungry, tired, and burnt out by the end of the day to sit in a chair made for a skinny 16 year old for 2.5 hours. I wanted to skip watercolors last night, but I forced myself to go. But French just requires way too much effort. I wonder how much I’ll pick up by going every other week. : ) Oh well.. C’est La Vie!

Work is rather interesting lately. I really have to just detach from the whole thing. It’s a disaster. I got called in to talk to the VP about my “ideas and thoughts” regarding all the changes going on. The only reason he called me in is becuase my high maintenance coworkers are all making power plays and had already met with him. Am I the only person who realized that the vp doesn’t give a rats ass about all the crap going on in our little dept.? So whiny coworker #1 was in there for an hour yesterday. I took 10 minutes and this is what I said: I hope you hire a new manager quickly, I hope the culture stays positive, and I have no interest in career advancement as I have worked my whole career to be exactly where I am right now. Then I threw in a few “certainly”s and “appreciate”s and nodded and smiled and gracefully exited. As any normal person would do!

We have a new acting director, who is someone my age, who is waaayyy more motivated and ambitious than I am, and I’m a little scared of her. But so far I’m liking her a lot. She’s being very hands off and even though I know some people on her “official” staff don’t like working for her (she’s kind of a hard ass), I think I’ll like working for her. However, that won’t be permananent. I think she’ll officallly get the director job and then someone will be hired between her and my group. Which is fine too. I really don’t care. I just want to do my job, have people cooperate, etc. etc. I refuse to get sucked into all becaues I honestly don’t care about any of the political crap.I’ll save that for the young power players. You know, I used to look at my freind J when she was my age and I was younger and I’d think how she was so unambitious. Now, I can totally embrace the role of the older worker who knows what they want to be when they grow up.And I feel good about that.

What else? Jeez… I’m gaining weight from quitting smoking, which offically stopped today (the quitting part…is anyone following this?). Went to McDonalds for lunch. Health and wellness is a long forgotten memory. I don’t know why I let stress do this to me.

Fall… that fresh air… honestly.. there’s something about memories and fall. what IS it? Part of it is starting school and that feeling of possibilities. I guess something else is just… well actual memories. I miss people sometimes. But I’m at a point where I don’t feel bad about things in the past anymore. And it’s kind of sweet to remember things. I don’t know…. I thought that yesterday anyway. And thought I’d share it today.

I don’t know… today I’m just here. I don’t even know what is in my head or my heart.