Thanks for the fish

I’m sorry. I quit smoking several weeks ago. It’s winter. I’m naturally negative. What am I supposed to do? Repress it? Certain people just irritate the crap out of me and that’s all I have to write about lately. That and my weight. And exercises, and the cocktails I drink every night. This is my life at this point in time and I feel the need to tell the world about it. But it’s not all bad. I’ve been writing a little bit more than usual. Julia Cameron in “The Artist’s Way” recommends “morning page” where you write 3 pages in the morning about whatever. I find this useful for whatever reason… mostly it’s like exercising in the morning… you get it out of the way and feel like you’ve rocked your own world before 7 am. At any rate, a few days ago in my morning pages I was writing about my relationship (or lack thereof) with my oldest sister. We’ve always had a pretty good relationship. We’re very different in many ways but she doesn’t realize it because she just thinks of me as her youngest sister who is supposed to agree with her on everything. And since I am naturally agreeable (ok my husband might disagree…but usually I can find at least a grain of something that I agree with something on…I”m naturally empathetic what can I say)… and then in other ways we have things in common (for example, our family’s tendency to get irritated with everyone and everything all the time.)

Anyway, I’ve been a little upset subconsciously about the fact that we never talk anymore and well, she’s been kind of a bitch. And usually, when people act like bitches, I stop talking to them. But she’s my sister, so in my morning pages I decided that I would make an effort, send her an email, ask what’s wrong. After all, she is several months pregnant, with a 2 year old, and clearly very cranky. So I did, and after a very slight bit of coaxing, her flood gates opened and I realized the true extent of her stress. She hasn’t slept in 2 years, her 2 year old is still sleeping with them, she’s afraid of having another kid when she feels like she can’t handle the one she has, her house is “falling apart.” Plus, the down side of being “rich” is that you just buy a house that fits your budget and then have a humongo mortgage. So I felt better that we were talkign again.

hmmm… this is really train of thought kind of writing.What else? Work is kind of interesting. I feel like my boss has joined the camp I’m in. Now it’s 3 against 2. He has said some really nice things about my writing. I’ve also noticed him checking out my boobs. Not sure if the two are related. But he seems like a nice guy and it’s always good to have the boss on your side. I think he’ll be good for me. He has a lot of good connections and it couldnt’ hurt for me to get “out there” a little more. But things are getting a little boring at work. And this economy totally sucks, which means I need to hang on and hope the layoffs don’t hit my company. J’s company is laying people off and they have a big meeting tomrrow. He’s not too concerned, but I am a little. OH well… time for dinner.