Thanks for the fish

is not a sight I see very often. My cats, for some odd reason, seem to keep their lunch intact most of the time. Or else they are puking somewhere out of sight (fine by me). But I’ve been hearing one of them hacking lately and then the other one barfed up a bunch of green slime tonight that looked eerily like a plant. I don’t feed them plants, so I started trying to figure out what plant they were eating and then I remembered! I dug up all my calla lillies last weekend and left them laying down in the basement to dry. Luckily the cat puked it up or I would’ve probably forgotten about them till Spring. So, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do tonight, I went down and trimmed all the leaves off and got them packed in peat moss. They looked a little weird, which makes me think I probably did something wrong, but oh well. Poor kitties.

I’m off to Virginia tomorrow for a bachelorette weekend. I’ve been sick and now I’m on anti-biotics, which always make me nauseous, and I’m burnt out and behind at work, so this is the part where I would normally say “I’d rather just stay home and rest.” But I called in sick yesterday and slept all day, so I’m actually looking forward to the trip. Mostly I’m looking forward to the football game I’m going to! My team is doing awesome and I can’t wait to see them live.

Work is getting tense. Everyone is stressed out and people are starting to fight. I see divisions forming, and I am perhaps on the losing side. The fact is, though, that I’m a loyal friend if nothign else, and if that means everyone else not liking me, so be it. Though I’d rather it not come to that. I think I will try to mend some fences next week, but for now, I won’t think about work. Actually I will probably end up doing work tomorrow morning and going into the office on the Monday holiday. I make myself sound like a martyr, but I rarely work more than 45 hours a week, if that. But all in all, it’s not that bad. I like being busy and I’m starting to feel like I have a good handle on stuff. The good thing about my boss leaving is that now I have more ownership of stuff, and as a control freak, I like that.

I’m a Doctor Zhivago mood lately, what with the weather getting cold and me getting gloomy. : ) Actually I’m not really gloomy, but there’s always somethign a little dark that comes over me once the days get darker. I’m not opposed to a little melancholy. After all, it gives me a chance to delve into some darker piano pieces. Last night, I was goign through some old piano books and I have a snippet from Lara’s theme (Somehwere My Love) that I like to play when I’m in a mood. I looked online for a longer version and then ended up not buying one. But at my lesson tonight, my teacher asked what I wanted to do for my next recital, so I told her I wanted to do Somewhere My Love. We found a really nice version online and then downloaded then and there. They could even choose the key. We got it in G and I played it and I love it! At the end, it switches to E (I think…4 flats) and I love it even more. I’m looking forward to playing that so many times that it drives J crazy.

Well, the election is starting to get ugly, no? I was thinking about when Clinton was first elected. I had just turned 18, so it was my first election. I hadn’t been a huge Clinton fan and had wanted Jerry Brown to win the primaries. But after my whole adolescence and childhood seeing Republicans in office, I was freaking ecstatic. I lived in northern virginia, so we went into DC for the inaugural parade… I bought a button… hmm… yes, I would like to relive that feeling. Go Obama! Ok, that’s officially the first time I’ve said that. I’ve been holding a grudge because of Hillary but I officially let it go now. I hope to god(des) McCain doesn’t win.

I’m on a 10 day course of antibiotics and have to take them every 6 hours. I hate to do this to my body. But I also hope that this will finally make me feel better. I’m sick of this crap!!

At work today, we’re making a funny video for a coworker who is leaving. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen myself on video, but it was a strange experience. I look and sound totally different than I thought I did. I also flip my hair a lot and make a lot of funny faces. But I was also kind of cute. : ) In the book I was reading “Eat, Pray, Love” the author has an eccentric friend who says about herself something like “I may not be the type to look good in everything, but sometimes I just can’t help but love myself.” That made me laugh. I feel like I’m so hard on myself most of the time, but every now and then I see myself like a little sister and just say to myself “Oh honey, it’s ok. You’re alright!” I know.. koo koo.

Well,that’s it. Time to pack. Camera, football gear, book, underwear, makeup, drink for the plane I will not check bags, I will not pay for a drink or snack, the airlines can kiss my damn ass. I hate em! But it’s better than driving for 12 hours.

The redskins are in the playoffs!! Football season just got infinitely more interesting! Unfortunately they have to play Seattle - the team that kicked their asses last time they were in the playoffs.. and then they have to play the cowboys again. Last night I drank way too much and invited our friend Z (a cowboys fan) over to watch the game. Cowboys and reskins get along like um… cowboys and redskins, so it could’ve gotten ugly, as I can be a really poor loser. But luckily that was a non-issue since we smoked them like a… something (can’t think of anything funny).

It was fun to have someone over. We get hardly any visitors over here… partly because we live in the middle of nowhere but mostly because we never invite anyone (unless I’ve had too many glasses of wine). I would have to say, though, that the one thing my life is missing is a more active social life. I don’t have any good friends that I see on a regular basis. I have people I go to lunch with occasionally. And people I talk to at work. And a few good friends who live 600 miles from here. I don’t really have a friend that I would feel comfortable calling if I was crying and in an emotional crisis though. I should probably get me one of those.

I had a  hangover from hell today. Usually drinking doesnt’ bother me, but after I had a shower I actually had to go back to bed for awhile. But then I just started eating carbs and that seemed to work, so I haven’t stopped since. I made gingersnaps from the king arthur flour cookbook. and pasta pasta pasta. And ramen. I’m on a ramen kick.

I’m really digging kurt vonnegut. damn! why can’t i be that good??? It burns me up. I have to stop losing faith in my own book every time I read something though. I would like to write something brilliant and meaningful and funny though. I really really would.

What else? I was thinking today about some things and I sort of realized that some things I do because of other people’s suggestions. Like, by nature, I’m a pretty emotional and honest person and it’s really hard for me to hide my feelings. But I remember when my first boyfriend dumped me and my oldest sister said to me “Don’t you dare call him! Don’t let him know you care. Don’t give him the SATISFACTION of knowing that you’re hurting.” And I really took that to heart and have acted on that advice more than once. But now I realize that that’s just not my style. It doesn’t work for me. I’m the kind of person that just needs to have it out. Needs to let it all hang out as ugly as it may be. So at least I’ve finally figured that out. I think when you go against your true nature it just makes you miserable in the end.

Expecting more snow tonight. >: ( i HATE winter!!!

holidays still. I guess it still is. It’s going to be one hard thing to get used to going to work 5 days a week again, but not until the week after next, and hopefully I’ll have a new job by then. No news on the job front, but I still have high hopes. Or hopes anyway. Ambiguous hopes, but they’ve solidified into expectations, so now I’m vested. PLus the roads have been so horrendous with this crappy weather that I’m really damn tired of driving 80 miles a day fearing for my life the whole way.

Got home and J had unhooked my monitor so couldnt’ poop around my computer all night like I usually do, so I popped in  a dvd - Something’s  Gotta Give. I just love that movie. There are so many great things about it that I could just watch it over and over again. I’ve probably already written all this before and fairly recently at that. But I love that Diane Keaton’s character is a writer. And I love the fact that Keanu’s character falls in love with her and says “I’ve never had this reaction to a woman before. And when something happens to you that’s never happened before, you have to at least find out what it is.” And I love that her character and Jack Nicholoson’s character say the same thing too. They’ve all protected themselves from getting hurt their whole lives but they finally open up and get hurt. And then she tells her daughter that it’s all worth it in the end. I know it’s cheesy for me to be rambling on and on about a love story, but to me, that one is real. Except maybe the happy ending. Not to be negative. I also love how she is so honest about her feelings even though she comes off like a psycho. I wish I was that brave and not always thinking about that everytime I express an emotion men think I’m crazy (which is true - not that I’m crazy but that’s what men think). And I love that she just doesn’t care, and then she writes about it and she gets through it and moves on. And even though she never really gets over him, she still moves on. And I think it’s true. It hurts like f-ing hell, but it’s worth through, because if nothing else it’s good material for your writing. : )

J’s watching The Cosmos - a dvd set I got him for xmas. It’s hosted by Carl Sagan, who I hear died quite a while ago. I had heard his name before but never really knew who he was. He’s totally adorable. So excited about the universe, and it’s from the 70s so he’s wearing these cute little pant suits. Now J’s giving me facts about the solar system. Venus is the same size as the earth. Jupiter is so big you could fit 100 earths in it. Nerds are so adorable! I had an eye appointment and my eye doctor is another adorable nerd. He’s a fresh faced farm boy from Indiana and we always have great conversations. I told him about Quebecois sugar pie and he told me that in Indiana they have sugar cream pie, which I’ve never heard of but sounds tasty.
 
I got a $25 borders gift card so I bought Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. I put this on my list because it was recommended by someone - but I had my reservations. I’ve never read anything by him before and for some reason I thought it was going to be some hideous, dense, complicated crap like Thomas Pynchon or something. But it’s not! It’s awesome. It’s funny and quirky and smart and wonderful. I absolutely love it! I also bought Man without a country, which I started reading at the store and love that too. What a great discvoery.

Well, tomororw is Saturday. I’m excited to sleep in. Yes, excited. I’m still tired from the road trip. My parents are here and may stay tomorrow night but we’re gonig over to F&A’s house to watch the Skins game. F is a cowboys fan and the redskins will get into the playoffs if they win. : ) Conflict! Just add booze and I see a fun night ahead of me. We haven’t seen them in a while, and if I”m going to be working from home I need to start nurturing some local frienships. Besides I want to ask A if she wants to start a writing group with me. Yes, this has the makings of many propositions I make when I’m drunk which never materialize. Like our plans to go the quebec winter carnival. (which may have happened if J had got off his ass and mailed his damn passport application). oh well. ; ) whatever. Havent’ written in weeks. Thinking about buying a new laptop. Maybe a pretty red one. ooh lookit the purdy colors!! gimme!

a big blob. : ( I’ve really taken this cooking/eating thing to the extreme. Today I made maple walnut apple cobbler. Yum… and then fresh veggie sandwiches for dinner. Then we had cake and ice cream for J’s niece’s birthday. Then I had more cobbler. I think I’m currently entering sugar shock. I’m kind of mad at myself because I had just started to see some improvement on losing weight, and now look what I’m doing. Oh well… tomorrow is another day. I’ll go the gym!

More gardening today… got my 16 drumstick alliums planted, and my 5 pink charm daffodils. Guess that was it…. what did I do all day?? Watched the redskins lose, but they looked pretty good despite the loss. It’s sort of surreal to watch them and not be totally disappointed. Now I’m watching the anti-christ Dallas Cowboys vs. the other anti-christ Patriots… I’m a little torn, but I’m almost cheering for the Cowboys, which would literally be a first.

Ok, back to food. So, I was reading in Animal, Vegetable, Miracle about making cheese. Apparently it’s really not that hard to make. You just have to order the right cultures or whatever they’re called. You can make fresh mozzarella in 30 minutes! All you need is milk and the right bacteria. I’m so trying this!

Worked on my presentation a bit. I’m getting really nervous and need to practice it, but really don’t want to. So, I’ve been practicing piano a lot just as an excuse to not do that. Still working on Fantasia. J flipped out this afternoon and yelled “Don’t  you know any other songs!?!” Rude! Oh well.. my stomach is killing me. Time for some pepto and football.

I posted last night but I internet died so I lost the whole thing. Oh well.. luckily it was a pretty uninspired post anyway. I got my Apollo golite light therapy tonight and not a day too soon because I am one grumpy lady. I feel exhausted and oversensitive and overstimulated. The trip to the grocery store about set my over the edge with crying babies, etc. either this is wave 2 of pms, seasonal grumpiness, or there really is somethign to my hair color theory.

Oh well… I’m having a lovely glass of Yorumba (or something) Shiraz… nice.. Went a little crazy at the store. When I was kid there used to be these commercials that had a little cartoon lady going down the grocery aisles throwing everything in the cart as in the background a voice sang “don’t shop when you’re hungry, no, no, no!” Yeah… good advice, but advice I did not heed. $150 later, I have fully stocked cupboards. Yes, 2 people really do need 3 boxes of cereal, a box of granola bars, 3 cliff bars, 2 boxes of oatmeal, and a pack of english muffins for one week. Guess we’ll be having a lot of 2nd breakfasts… and 3rd breakfasts… and breakfasts for dinner…

God, I just have no energy. Well, I’m starting my light therapy on Saturday. You can take a test on their website to see if your circadian rhythms are off cycle blah blah balh. Mine is moderately delayed. So Saturday I need to turn the light on for 30 minutes at 8 am, then Sunday for 30 minutes at 7 am, then Monday I get to my regular wake up time of 6 am and leave it on for 15 minutes and do that for teh rest of the winter. I’ve looked into this several years in a row, and I have really high hopes for it. I’ll let you know if it works. I actually overslept yesterday for the first time in probably a year.  I know bitch moan bitch moan. This is dull and depressing. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to my normal self in May. : )

Oh well. At least football is on tonight. I need New Orleans to lose tongiht to stay in my Survivor pool. Go Indy! 

Going to see Willie tonight! I see a prime excuse to wear my cowboy boots! whoo hoo! They don’t get a lot of use to be honest. Listening to a little Willie to get in the mood. He’s so good. : ) I don’t think most people have a clue. He’s got some great songs. 

Went for my run/walk tonight so I just squeaked by with my 2 days this week. It was raining but as I was driving home I saw Blondie out there and thought “if she can do it, I can do it! Go Blondie!” I’ve eaten horribly the last few days. We went to a greasy spoon (actually the blue spoon) for a team lunch and I got a BLT that looked and tasted like it was deep fried in butter. Yum!! But not the healthiest thing. I’ve got to start doing better. Work is still awkward, but life goes on.

I’ve made some real progress on my book. I’ve got my characters, some possible settings, and a sort of general theme. Now all I need is a plot! It will be some sort of a journey/adventure/mission/mystery type thing, but I need to find a reason why the people are on the mission and what they’re looking for, etc. Oh, that’s called a quest! ha ha. Going to work on a mind map this weekend and see what I come up with. Then when I come up with something decent, i’m going to look through all my “how to write a novel” books and see if I should finetune it in any particular direction. 2008 will be the year! yeah yeah… I know… 2007 was supposed to be the year. But, it’s kind of like quitting smoking… you keep trying and eventually you succeed.

Football season starts Thursday! Go skins! I haven’t followed the preseason at all, but I’m doing fantasy football so I need to start paying attention. It’s a good distraction so I don’t notice that summer’s over. Though I love the fall anyway. It’s crisp and cool and full of possibilities (must be from memories of a new school year). … .. la dee da… to all the girls I’ve loved before…. la dee da… Love this song! Willie’s like me… always falling in love. If you look, you’ll notice he has a new wife about every decade. I don’t do that. But then I’m only 33. And I think I got it right the first time. : ) But I still fall in love daily.

Well my father in law wants us to come down for a drink… the Willie concert was his birthday present (my idea!) so we’re heading off soon. Looking forward to 3 days off of book planning, gardening, reading, and sleeping in. And NO HOUSE GUESTS!