Thanks for the fish

a day off in the middle of the week…especially a day by myself. Something about the weekends are too hectic. I know I have a lot to do, I know J has a list. I feel overwhelmed, then I feel guilty, then I rebel and nap all weekend, because damint, that’s what you’re supposed to do on the weekends! And then I let j do all the work around the house, then I complain that he doesn’t know how to relax (because I feel guilty). Wouldn’t the psyche be such a nicer place without guilt?

Anyway, so it’s Veterans’ Day and I got the day off from work and J didn’t. My plan, of course, was to sleep in late, get up, have breakfast, take a nap, tootle around, eat, take another nap…you get my drift. Yes, I am in fact the laziest person on the face of the earth. But unfortunately, home depot was set to deliver 4 tons of wood pellets sometime “in the morning.” So as I lay in bed around 6 am, I keep going over and over in my mind how fast I can jump out of bed, throw on some jeans, put on a bra and shirt, brush my teeth, put on shoes and socks once the doorbell rings. I have this thing where I hate to keep people waiting.So eventually I decided to just get out of bed and get halfway dressed, then go back to bed. But once I was up, I just got up… at 7 am. On a day off!

Then somehow I decided to organize the coat closet. I hung a hook (yay me!), though I did take me longer than it probably should have to figure out how to get a drill bit in a drill. But I eventually did, and hung up all my grocery bags on the hook. Then I organized all of our hats, scarves, and gloves neatly on the shelf. Then the shoes and the rest of the winter wear. : ) I keep walking over to the closet and admiring my work. I actually like organizing, it’s just one of those thigns that always gets pushed to the bottom of my priority list. I also have a hard time keeping up with my organizational systems after I set them up, so it sometimes seems like a pointless task. But it has to be done every now and then.

So then the pellet guy arrives. Super nice guy. J told me to tell him to stack them in the driveway, so let me do the math for you. 30 feet from that spot to the door to the basement, plus going down the stairs (or since we’re buying a building to put out back, the same 30 feet to the building X 200 forty pound bags of pellets = one bejesus of a backache for me and hubbie. But the house (and garden…and leech field…and trees) is configured in such a way to make it really hard to get a vehicle over to the spot in question by the back stairs. But mr. super nice guy walks over with me and asks me if I mind if he runs over my compost pile with his forklift (didn’t even realize he had a forklift till he said something). I said no and he stacked 4 pallets of pellets (sounds like a nursery rhyme doesn’t it) very neatly right by the back door. He got a good tip.

Very pleased with myself after the pellet incident, I continued organizing. I got my gym bag all together with a separate set of toiletries, makeup, etc. so I can start having a shower at the gym and saving on water/heat at the house. Found my flannel sheets and got those on the bed (thank god…it’s been hell getting into a cold bed lately). Then I ripped about 50 cds onto my computer so I can get rid of all the cds. And I practiced piano.

I also walked around my garden and really enjoyed it. It’s getting pretty chilly out there, but I love this time of year because the garden suddenly seems manageable. I just give up on it in the summer because it gets all overgrown and out of control and it just seems like I’ll never be able to tame it. But now everything’s dead. : ) Thank god for winter! Now I can actually envision some projects and see what I have to do. I want to build some brick edging between my garden and the “lawn” (mowed down weeds) so the weeds don’t creep into my periwinkle. I also want to plant some more patches of periwinkle so eventually J can stop mowing down weeds. There’s one big field where our leech field is, which will probably always be mowed weeds, but at least he can doing the sides and back. I’ve got this weird thing against mowing. I feel like it’s somethings no one should have to do. It just seems so pointless.

Anyway, I think I will actually take a well deserved nap now adn then I’m going to meet J at the gym. We’re exercising fools. He is actually jogging for 30 minutes straight. He’s fit and skinny, but he could never run before and didn’t think he could. Now he’s doing it, and I’m not too far behind him. I did 20 minutes of very slow jogging last time. It’s hard for me, but I like the challenge of it…even if the progress is deathly slow.

good thing? Despite myself, I couldnt’ stop from being productive this weekend. I worked my ass off. Now, I feel halfway good about myself, and halfway dead tired. Now I’m painting my toenails fire-engine red and looking at what the week has in store for me:

Hopefully a more sane week at work
Watercolors class on Tuesday
Piano on Thursday
Ballroom dancing on Saturday

Then my sister is coming to visit and we’re going down to Boston to see Patty (yay!) open for a band called Swell Season. I’d never heard of them but I guess they are some sort of Irish hoozeythingy. Should be fun. Also have a ton of other things going on… football games and author readings and french classes oh my! A busy and fun fall awaits.

Meanwhile, Hanna the Hurricane came through yesterday but didn’t do anything too major…just rain and wind. Today was one of those gorgeous post-storm days. Windy and blue skies and everything totally vibrant and alive. Oh, and I went running! Finally back on track and it felt good (other than the part where it hurt like hell). I also started putting to bed the veggie garden. I halway took the fence down, halfway took the tomato cages down, and halfway took the cornstalks down. Well, there’s always tomorrow to finsih the half-assed things I started today. I also (almost) finished painting the downstairs bathroom. Just a few touch ups left. And I froze all the rest of the corn. Meanwhile I have about 3 bushels (I don’t really knwo what a bushel is) ripening on the counters. I suppose I’ll get aroudn to doing something to them soon.

Oh, and there was a cormorant in the driveway today. Pictures…

Nearly finished bathroom

Toes in Sacred Scarlet (nice name!)

Martha Stewart’s Minestrone salad

24/7. It’s that insane time of year where summer’s overabundance is overabunding itself, and me. I know, I know… so dramatic. It’s not like I’m a farmer living off the land. I know I could just go to Hannaford like a normal person and buy all my food out of season (or even in season if I so desired) and not worry about all this stuff. But, god, what fun would that be? Our first ever crop of corn is ripe! Man, oh, man. Fresh corn right off the stalk…yum! We were pretty amazed at how well it did with very little effort. But we got a ton of rain, so maybe that helped. There are some little wormy things in some of them that started eating the tops, but I just cut them off and they seem to be fine. Hopefully that’s the right thing to do. : )

Like I said, it’s the first year for corn, so I don’t really know what I’m doing. At first I was going to leave them on the stalk till we needed them, but then I read that  corn could get overripe. who knew? So I picked 10 ears yesterday, blanched them and cut the kernels off and froze one big ziplock baggie full. Right now I’m doing another batch, but these I’m just going to blanch and then freeze right on the cob. Our freezer is getting full! I also have about 50 tomatoes sitting there that I will tackle tonight too. I guess I sort of liek doing this stuff. I don’t know why…some inherited biological urge to stockpile food.

J is out tonight with some buddies doing their fantasy football draft. So I stopped at the store and bought some white wine, chocolate chips (maybe I’ll make some cookies!), another quart of fresh maine blueberries (yum!!) and some random other things for a girl’s night in.

I talked to my sister on the phone and she’s depressed because she hates her job. She quit on Tuesday and then went back on Wednesday and she said something like “I really feel like i”m growing as a person,” which means: this shit is so painful I will never forget it. But we laughed about things and I nearly cried I was laughing so hard. We were talking about our boring lives and how we blog about them. We decided to start a series of blogs about the most boring things…like soap curing, and paint drying… ahh… maybe you just had to be there. : )

Well time for more food perservation duties…here’s some photos with my new camera:

of cukes. Yes, it’s that time of year (finally!) when the vegetable garden finally starts cranking out some produce. The cukes are coming out my ears. I used 2 to make a middle eastern cucumber yogurt sauce today. I made falafel sandwiches (using the packages you buy at the store..not from scratch) and put them on pita bread with the last of my pot lettuce and some tomatoes. yummy! Now there are 6 cucumbers left…what to do with them? The tomatoes are coming too! Need to go up and gather some…now it’s not just the Mamma Mias, but the other ones too (I forget what they are… better boys or something).

Holy crap…the corn! Ok, by my estimates we will have 80 ears of corn!! I think I will freeze some and can some. I’d freeze it all, but we don’t have a chest freezer. Canning is a big pain in the ass.

Went to home depot to buy some rocks to finish J’s rock garden and they had Stargazer lillies..you know those ones that smell sooooo good you could just die. So of course I had to buy one. I planted it in my boulder bed so I can look at it from here… pretty. And I finally planted a lily of the valley that my mom brougth me, in the shade garden. And I planted another tansy my mom brought me in the weed garden. The roses are looking pretty and I feel guilty because it’s been raining and I haven’t had time to enjoy my garden.

I cut some major parts out of my recital song and it doesn’t exactly flow, and now I have to memorize it all over from scratch and try to forget abou tthe parts I cut. It was just too long though… my brain doesn’t have that much storage space.

My in-laws are going to switzerland, germany, maybe austria? tomorrow and I’m jealous. We used to be the welll-traveled part of the family.. no more. On the other hand, the sun is shining and I don’t feel like packing, so I guess I’m not that jealous. We bought some egg custard pie to bring up for my father in laws birthday tonight. Can’t wait!

goals, and nearly all of them accomplished. Let’s see if I can get this to work:

hmm.. .sort of. That’s what happens when I leave work at 2! I had to go to the doctor for a UTI and I have to say, I’m not a good sick person. I know people get these all the time, but whaaa… I don’t feel good! Ok, got that out of the way. I’m working from home tomorrow, so that means I can sleep in and just take care of myself. I have a ton of work to do.

First real bounty from the garden:

Yum. Those are my mamma mia tomatoes…supposed to make great tomato paste. I just looked up how to do that and you basically just boil it down till it gets so thick it’s pasty. Sounds simple enough. The recipe calls for 2 dozen so maybe I’ll wait a few days and see if I can get enough to ripen up. Otherwise I guess I’ll just get started with these. Not sure if I will can them or freeze them. It will be good to know that if we go broke this winter, we can at least have pasta and tomato paste. The corn is looking good too.. about 2 ears per plant…have no idea if that is normal or not as it’s the first time I’ve ever grown corn. The squash is looking awesome…we must have 20 of them out there.

I meditated for 14 minutes tonight. Practiced piano. Finished my book. I don’t really understand what it was about, but I liked it nonetheless. A touch bizarre. Now I think I’ll read “When god was a woman” by Merlin Stone. NOthing like a little feminism to spice things up.

I hate my hair. I’m a hideous troll. I know I shouldn’t say that, but I just can’t seem to reconcile how I think I look (attractive, gorgeous, sexy, young) with how I actually look (old, crazy, fat, and definitely unsexy). But I suppose I will eventually get used to it. Or else I’ll jsut stop looking in the mirror. And I know how annoying it is to hear someone complain about their appearance, adn I try not to do it, but it’s just upsetting. I look like bozo the clown.

Anyhoo… I guess that’s it. I think it’s my infected body that’s making me feel so crappy inside and out. At any rate, I’m looking forward to a day by myself tomorrow.

J bought some krill oil capsules, which are like fish oil capsules, but better. I guess krill are some type of antarctic shrimp…high in Omega 3, dha, etc, etc. I take fish oil sometimes and it makes me dream like crazy. Well, krill oil seems to have the same effect. This is by far the weirdest dream I have had in a long time.

Me, my mom, my dad, and this girl from work, A (not sure how she ended up in my dream, though now that I think about it, she’s been in several dreams I’ve had…weird, let’s analyze that later) and maybe my sisters had gone on a trip of some sort and came back (perhaps from a train trip) and we went to find our car in a city-like place to go home. It wasn’t a super busy city, but just a street where there were some business buildings, parking meters, etc. We walk up to the car and notice that all of our purses are sitting on the roof of the car. Duh! How idiotic! WE left our purses on top of the car all day. (eyes rolling). Then I pull out my wallet and everything is there and I say to my dad “See, this is the great thing about living in Maine. Nobody even stole anything!” My dad walks into a building. Just then, a truck or armored car like vehicle pulls up and a scraggly middled-aged white lady winds down the window and says to me (I’m on the curb side of the car, so she has to say this over the car) “I don’t want to have to shoot you so give me the diamonds. Then I rememeber that there is a bag of uncut diamonds like in a ziplock type bag on top of the car too…a hole big honking bag of them. My first reaction is fuck it, I’m not going to die for diamonds, so I pick the bag up and am about the toss it to her and then I look at my mom and say “Is dad going to kill me if I do this?” and she shrugs as if to say “yes” without actually saying yes. I hold on to the bag, stalling, and I want my dad to come out to tell me what to do. Then I start thinking about it and decide I don’t want him to come out becuase I don’t want him to get shot. Meanwhile, I keep stalling and she waits patiently.

Then, a cop of some sort is standing beside me, but she doesnt’ see him. He has a giant metal arm that he is maneuvering over the armored vehicle, cutting a hole in the top of it. I keep stalling, hoping she odesn’t notice. At this point, I don’t think I can give up the diamonds. I’m sort of frozen. He keeps cutting and then lowers a claw like thing into the vehicle and it wraps around her hand where she’s holding the gun. Then it wraps around her neck and starts strangling her. I’m saved.

Weird, huh? The funny thing was that I felt like I hadn’t even gotten to sleep. I went to bed at 10 and then looked at the clock at 12 and thought, jeez, I’m never going to get to sleep. And then I realized that I had had that dream. Or else I had the dream later and just revised history. Who knows. Anyway, just took today’s dose of krill oil so I can’t wait to see what dreams I have tonight! Assuming I sleep, which is still a problem.

Tonight was jogging night. We’re doing 90 seconds jogging, 2 minutes walking. I’m in rough shape. We do this for 20 minutes and I’m a wheezing mess by the end (actually from the beginning). I know if I stopped smoking I could do better, but I’m not willing to give that up. Besides I only smoke about 5 a day. 8 at the most. That’s not very much, but definitely enough to feel it in my lungs.

Twas a beautiful day. Blue skies, hot, not too humid. Threat of the daily thundershower but none materialized. Our veggie garden is kicking ass. WE have corn!! I’ve never grown corn before so this is super exciting… purple silky fibers are starting to appear. Wow. And the tomatoes have lots of green tomatoes on the vines, and Oh!!! the squash!! I love squash like a baby loves her mama and there are oodles and oodles of squash on the vines. It took forever to flower, but when it did, it flowered like crazy. By the way, squash flowers are very very pretty. As are eggplant flowers. We have a fence, but I’m scared the deer will jump over it. The squash vines (actually everything in teh garden) have gotten HUGE this year. I think it’s all the cow manure we put on. Some of teh squash vines have escaped the fence and I’m afriad the deer will get a taste for it and then be motivated to jump inside. Oh well… I guess worrying about it won’t do any good.

At one point today I had this bad feeling. The feeling you get when you have a weird encounter with someone and feel guilty, or awkward, or ashamed, or bad about yourself. So I went to review the situation in my head so I could make snese of it, and I couldn’t even figure out what the situation was. In other words, I felt bad for no reason. How stupid! And yet knowing nothing happened didn’t help. I could not talk myself into feeling better. It was strange. So then I thought maybe it was something I ate. ? I don’t know.. maybe I’m just kooky.

Having a martini and enjoying the night. There’s really no point worrying about decisions you may never have to make. Tomorrow may come and I will have to make decisions I didn’t see coming, and other options will never materialize, nulling those decisions entirely. I guess I’ll see what life has to offer me (while doing what I can to make sure I get what I want as best I can.)

I am totally swamped at work. Have juicy meaty projects that I’m totally overwhelmed with, but I have decided that I want to win an award. J says that’s a bad goal because I have no control over it. But screw it. I wanna award! So that is my goal.

Still loving A Wild Sheep Chase. Read it! He is wonderful! Next on my list is “When god was a woman” by Merlin Stone. : ) Yes… feeling a touch manic.

with my husband. Marriages just can’t sustain things like that. At least mine apparently can’t. We both worked from home today to save a bit on gas… the theory being that since we usually carpool, with only one of us working from home, we werent’ really saving anything. Makes sense.. So it all started out lovely, and actually it was all lovely until about an hour ago, when we had our daily spat. Do all couples fight this much? There is a lady at work who fights with her husband constantly and they legitimitely just can’t seem to stand each other. I want to yell over the cubicle wall “get a divorce, lady! You’ll be happier!” We don’t have horrible fights, but I do feel like lately we fight a lot. Oh well… the nice thing about life is that it has a way of working itself out. Either it will get better, or it will get worse. Not much point dwelling on it.

Anyway, it was a gorgeous day and I got some work done and then did some online training about dreamweaver. At work, I feel like I’m set up to fail. I’m in charge of the website but given no direction and no tools to get it done. But I do have dreamweaver now (after a year of asking for iti) but still no graphics editing software so I have to rely on teh graphic designers to send me files (since I can’t even access them). Of course they resent this since I’m sure they feel like they should be doing the web stuff. Yeah… work is just not thrilling me lately. Medicare season is coming up, which means lots of lots of red tape…forms, rules, crap that I don’t understand but have to deal with now. I’m the medicare queen. yay. Yeah…not thrilled.

But I got up at 7:50, rolled out of bed and was in the office by 8 (albeit not clean and with no bra on)… took a nap in the afternoon… played piano on one of my breaks… and was done and at the ice cream stand by 4:05 (i did put on a bra for that). Then we decided to do some gardening. I mulched the weed garden and then J wanted me to help him with his rock garden. That meant him standing there with his stupid rake and making me do all the manual labor. I was very pleasant about it for a while, but eventually I just snapped. Temper temper.

My reason for wanting a drink tonight. Well, earlier I wanted one to celebrate not having one for so long. Then of course after the fight I wanted one to relax. But I persevere… how many days left? Only 10!

Our week off is shaping up (yes soon I can spend a whole 7 days alone with my husband… no taking bets on a divorce! ) We’re going up to Bremen - been there before but can’t quite remember where it is.. my sister in law’s boyfriend’s mother (’s second cousin.. no just kidding) has a camp up there and they live in New Hampshire so they’ll be staying ther ea few days. They have kayaks so we’re going to go up there for a day trip on the boats. PLanning on a day trip to Boston as well. I want to see a show…wanted to see Wicked, but that’s not playing in Boston anymore. But I’m sure I can find something. Then there’s a million house and garden things to prepare for my sister’s visit. Yes, the need to impress is burning in me! I won’t even deny it. I want them to be jealous and admit that I’m living the good life even though they’re filthy rich and think they have it all! ha! I’m better! I’m happier! And I have a prettier garden! (remind me not to fight with husband while they’re here….that could blow the whole illusion).

The rock garden is very prominent. And right outside my window. IT takes the focal point away from my lovely boulder bed. I hate it!!!

Driving home, I noticed that wonderful thing… that glorious sign of summer…that harbinger of all things sweet and juicy was out… the “Strawberries U-Pick” sign!! Painted in red on a white background in stenciled letters and an arrow pointing toward the river. Yay! Seems a little early and I was hoping they woudl be picking while my sister is here, but whatever. We’ll probably get out there this Saturday adn sometime next week because I WON’T BE WORKING… bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha. Anyhoo, I also picked the first lettuce from the garden tonight to have on a delicious black bean burger wrap with avocado and cheese. yum.

Well, I’m halfway through my no-drinking month. I’m doing ok. I would like to say that today was a turning point, but I still thought a glass of red wine would be really nice for this yucky rainy day. It’s really amazing how every day I can find a different reason to want a drink. But I’m pretty proud of myself. It’s certainly a test of will, and saying “no” to myself is very hard for me. I would’ve thought that I would’ve lost weight though, and also I thought I would feel oodles better. But tonight I did some weight lifting and some stretching and maybe that helped with stress a bit. I couldnt’ honestly tell you what I’m so stressed about or why I feel so tense and irritable all the time, but I’m starting to think it’s just my personality. : )

Went for a brief walk at lunch time and it was 99.9 % humidity, so I had what basically amounts to an afro when I got back to the office. But I read in prevention magazine that 17 minutes of walking a day is enough to significantly reduce your risk of heart disease. So at teh very least, you’d think I could do 17 minutes a day, right? I think the key with me is to just get in the habit of doing somethign and then I can pump it up later.

Last night I took my aggression out in the kitchen and cooked like mad. I made homemade crab cakes, pasta and bean salad, and oatmeal cookies. Crab cakes are gone, cookies are gone… lots and lots o’ salad left. Guess I’ll be bringing that to lunch for the next month.

Oh! I also went to lumosity.com last night to see if quitting drinking has made me any smarter… the short answer is “no.” doh! why am I torturing myself again?

Stella d’oro daylillies are bloomign and my roses are going crazy, but it’s rainy and I’m never home so I feel like I’m neglecting them. I shoudl get out and prune the roses but every year I have to look up how to do it and I haven’t done that yet. hmm… I think I’ll make myself a hot chocolate and then curl up with “the botany of desire.” I still think that is the absolutey best title a book could ever have. I’ve been carpooling with J and he listens to books on tape. Today we listened to one called “the jesus dynasty.” It’s kind of interesting. I’m not sure why J is all of a sudden fascinated by religion. He has his nose in a book constantly. I guess it’s better than having his nose somewhere else, so I guess I’ll shut up now.

on a Sunday afternoon. umm umm. Aged Cheddar, made in Maine. But I’ve been working hard so I deserve it. I feel like I’m finally hitting my summer stride…. being outside constantly, getting sun burned, covered in dirt all day, loving every minute of it. ahhh summer.

Yesterday was our kayaking course. I thought it was about advanced strokes but it was mostly about navigation. I learned some things (like, oh, how to use a compass). And got some damn good exercise paddling across casco bay. The instructors were good. One reminded us of our friend F. The other was cute and very earnest. Normally I dont’ like really like that quality, but he was making it work for him. They have a rule that when you hear thunder you have to head back or hunker down. We heard thunder around 2;30 or so and headed back. Didn’t get to do advanced rescue techniques (aka flipping your boat over and having someone rescue you) darn!! was SO looking forward to that. : ) And we learned some thigns about towing. I was the only woman in the class. The water was rough in some spots and the waves were pretty big. I didn’t feel too bad about it though since the instructors were there. If it was just me & J, I would have been crying.

Then we went to Disgusta to the art store, book store and to see Indiana Jones. I bought some water colors and paper and some acyrilics too. I painted a pciture of my cat in watercolors. Voila!

Sideways, as usual. The movie was pretty good…action packed, entertaining, didn’t require too much thinking.

Today, cleaning, gardening, put some newspapers down in the aisles of the veggie garden. Everything looks good, though maybe a bit behind schedule. I hope our corn pilot project works out! yum! Bought some mulch and some marble chips. J wants to build a rock garden in teh front yard. Then i wanted to take over. Then he got mad. So now he’s out there doing it. Im a bit of a control freak in the garden, so I have to admit it’s killing me. But he’s cute when he’s get inspired, so I’ll let him do it. Maybe it will look good. : )

Well, looks like another thunder storm on the way. It’s dark and I have clothes on the line, so I guess I’ll grab those, make some crab cakes, have a mocktail, keep practicing cider house rules, do some reading, and enjoy the last few fleeting moments of the weekend. Oh, one more thing. I had 6 diet cokes on Friday so didn’t get any sleep, so I wrote a poem. Still needs a little work, but I’ve had this image in my mind for a year now adn have wanted to find a way to get it out, so here goes:

Of course I always think of you!
In the shower, I wonder
if I”ll run into you in some random place.
On the road, I slyly watch
for bold swatches of color
and familiar numbers
even when I know it’s the wrong make and model.
Out on the water, stroke, stroke, stroke,
silence.

My mind should be a blank canvas
but you paint yourself there
Never a portrait, but always in action
Dark hair and tulip smile
head always held high.

What are you doing?
Making a child smile
Making lasagna in your mother’s kitchen
Giving someone a hug (a real hug)
Taking a drag on a cigarette and looking me in the eye
as I watch the orange circle of embers
burn like desire in the night.

I catch my breath.
I won’t talk about you anymore.
Of course, I always think of you.

Yes, tonight I discovered the wonders of non-alcoholic beer! Perhaps at one time in my life I scoffed at such things and wondered what the f-ing point was, but that’s what getting older and wiser is all about I suppose. We went to a local Mexican restaurant/Irish bar (I know!) and I got tacos and an O’douls, and I have to say - it was lovely. aaah…. it was like having an old friend back. The comfort of a green glass bottle and a glass of amber beauty with a nice head on it. yum! Tasted just like bud or miller light, and with a 0.5% alcohol, I could pretend that I was getting a weeeeeeee bit of a buzz. Good stuff. Of course beer was never my drink of choice, so I’ve been thinking about looking for some non-alcoholic wine. I guess they would call that grape juice (unrefridgerated). : )

So what does that say about me… I need the illusion of having a drink in front of me more than the drink itself, which is true. At home, when I really feel like I need a drink, I just put ice cubes in my martini glass (the sound of home…clink clink clink in a cocktail glasss) and put some crangrape in their and just pretend there’s vodka in it. I mean, I like getting drunk too, but more than anything, it’s just a comfort to have something that I think will make me feel better. And it seems to work pretty well.

I’m feeling very squishy tonight. I’ve never been a hard body. In fact, every guy I’ve ever dated has always said (meaning it as a compliment I’m guessing), “you’re so soft!” I’m a soft body. I’m like the pillsbury dough body. Now I don’t need to be Linda Hamilton in the Terminator or antyhign, but I would seriously like to get rid of some back fat. It bothers me. So looking at my meals today, what could I have done differently. a) not had fried fish for lunch b) not had oodles of chips and salsa c) not ordered the beef tacos for dinner and d) not eaten half of J’s cheesecake filled tortilla. The problem is that I feel so virtuous with everything else that I feel like I should be able to eat whatever I want. Yeah.. so I don’t have a back fat reduction plan yet, but I have identified the desire. I think I’ll do a google search and see if I can find a workout.

Kayking course tomorrow and I don’t feel like going. It’s called “open water paddling skills” : ( Not a big fan of open water… I think that’s a natural human reaction. No?

Oh! Happy Summer Solstice! I’ve decided that my next list of 101 things will include “Run naked around the pine trees on the summer solstice” I’ll have to start a tentative list. I went out tonight looking for paints, but there is no good art store near me. It will require a trip to Portland or Augusta and I haven’t had time to get to one. So I went to Joanne’s, which is a fabric/craft store but all they had was kids paints. I briefly entertained the idea of buying one fo those rectangular trays of waterpaints, but I don’t think that’s quite gonna cut it to launch my art career.

My roses are all blooming. I’m just in love, lust, and infatuation iwth my garden at this point. I walk around with a goofy grin on my face talking to my flower “oh daisy! You’re lovely!” “how are you doing my darling rose” “hello you gorgeous thing!”. I’m not even joking. Koo koo! My climbing hydrangea is blooming for the first time. It didn’t bloom last year and this year it shot right up and has one bloom on it. I actually have 3 hydrangeas and out of the 3 of them I’ve had a total of 2 blooms in 3 years. Oh well… I’m a patient woman.