Thanks for the fish

yet again. They used to hold it in the very building I worked in so all I had to do was change my clothes and walk down the hall. Now, it’s at another location…still free, but I actually have to get in my car and drive there. It’s sort of on my way home, but that means I then have to get out of my car, go up an elevator (3 floors!), etc. etc. (ok, there really is no etc.). Before, it was just so easy that I HAD to do it. Now, I’m in my car, I’m on the way home and boy is it easy to say “fuck it.” Even though it’s free and I actually really enjoyed it.

Oh well. I was thinking about my 2009 goals today. I’ve probably already blogged about goals (I do it a lot) but now that it’s April, I’m feel pretty solid about what I want to accomplish this year. Since I name every year lately, this is “The Year of Focus!” I will focus on what’s important. For example:

My book comes first. Every single day. I’m down to about a half hour a day right now. I’m not even editing, I’m just going through and rereading it and jotting down what happens. Then I’m going to type it up and rearrange and try to get some logical structure going on. Every day. Every day. Every day. Priority #1!

Well, you know how important food is to me. As per my post last night, I’m going to go crazy on getting and storing as much local food as possible. This is good for my health too since it’s all good, natural, locally grown stuff.

Money, money, money. I’m saving like a banshee. I’m saving for a Greek vacation. I’m saving for a down payment on a condo in 7 years (I like to plan for unforeseen events). I’m saving for my garden plans. I’m saving for emergencies.

Speaking of garden plans, I have big ones for this year. Not just my veggie garden, but an herb garden, a patio, an arbor, raised beds. These have been on my list for a while now, but now that I have a budget (see item above) I can actually implement them. I also (more importantly) have my dad in driving distance to help me!

These are things I’m compromising on:

Weight: I can live with 149.
Exercise: Yes, I’d like to do it 7 days a week for an hour, but that’s just not going to happen. There are only so many hours in the day and clearly I have more important things to do (like blogging about how I have too much to do and taking “which muppet are you?” quizzes on facebook.) Fozzi Bear, if you’re interested.
Piano: This is not the year I will become a virtuoso, but I’m also not giving up.

These are things that are going to have to wait till I finish a book, have my garden completed, and have copious amounts of free time and money:

Learning French, German, Italian…etc. etc etc.
Going to Africa (sigh…)
Really learning how to dance. Like for real.
Raising chickens.
All those other things I dream about.

But enough about me. I’m still listening to “The Omnivore’s Dilemma.” Eye opening. Let’s add eggs to the list of guilt ridden foods. There was an article on the local public broadcasting website about a local egg producer that keeps 6 laying hens in a file cabinet size cage, then threw live (hurt, bloody) hens in trash cans, etc. etc. It’s really awful. I had a bacon this morning. : ( Let me say this: It is the natural state of human affairs to feel guilty about killing animals. That’s all I will say. I highly recommend that book.

Anyway, work is dreadfully boring, but my company is doing some cool things. Hopefully I can work on them soon.

Goal assessment time once again:

Let’s see how I did this year….If I may quote myself from one year ago:

1. I’m going to continue on my quest of conquering fears and not letting the fact that I’m intimidated stop me from doing anything. For example, at my hotel I was intimidated by the waffle maker and so just had stale pancakes. Regret! I will NOT do that anymore.UPDATE: I did in fact tackle the waffle maker at same hotel this Christmas. Check!  
2. I want to continue being honest, kind, and sincere in my personal interactions. It’s hard (impossible?) to do all three at once, but it’s worth a shot! UPDATE: hmm… not so much.
3. I won’t let negativity affect me or people in general to affect my mood.UPDATE…ehhh.
4. I will stop dwelling on the past, stopping dreaming about the future, and live in the present. UPDATE: This is completely immesurable but I think I did better at that this year. Really.
5. I will catch up on my reading.  Think I can do one book every 2 weeks? I just bought 3 new ones last night and got several from xmas too.UPDATE: I smashed this goal.
   
6. I will work diligently on my book. Goal: 600 words per day.UPDATE: I wrote several portions of several different books, none of which are still in progress.
   
7. I will have an awesome vacation in Maine , learning how to use the kayak I’m going to buy and exploring! UPDATE: Yes!
   
8. I will consume less plastic.UPDATE: Yes… but with plans to do even better this year.
   
9. I will learn how to give awesome massages.UPDATE: No.
   
10. I will continue to be smoke-free, I will drink moderately, I will exercise regularly and I will eat oodles and oodles of fruits and veggies.UPDATE: I’m doing pretty good on the exercising part.
    
11. I will become a world-class pioneer woman and have stacks upon stacks of canned, dried,  and frozen food – just because I want to! UPDATE: Uh, yeah!
    
12. I will forward my career by joining a writing group, making important connections, and trying my hand at freelance magazine writing. UPDATE: Did join a writing group
    
13. I will become great a long, hard piano piece. And I’ll also write songs and poems.UPDATE: No.
    
14. I might learn French!UPDATE: I tried.
    
15. I will build a patio in my back yard.UPDATE: No.
    
16. I will study the stars! UPDATE: No
    
17. And I might even go to Ireland . Or maybe Prague . Perhaps Vienna .UPDATE: No.
    

 Ok… not bad, not bad. Here’s what I have for this year:

1. Follow my bliss. Is that measurable?

2. Quit smoking for GOOD

3. Write every day

4. Submit something quarterly for publication or a contest

5. 1 drink per day on average

6. Build relationships. (be nicer to sister)

7. Regularly go to writing group

8. Keep up with exercise (90 minutes of weight training a week, 90 minutes of cardio a week, 60 minutes of stretching a week)

9. Read at least one book a month (though I think I can do much more)

10. I’ll leave one open…

goals, and nearly all of them accomplished. Let’s see if I can get this to work:

hmm.. .sort of. That’s what happens when I leave work at 2! I had to go to the doctor for a UTI and I have to say, I’m not a good sick person. I know people get these all the time, but whaaa… I don’t feel good! Ok, got that out of the way. I’m working from home tomorrow, so that means I can sleep in and just take care of myself. I have a ton of work to do.

First real bounty from the garden:

Yum. Those are my mamma mia tomatoes…supposed to make great tomato paste. I just looked up how to do that and you basically just boil it down till it gets so thick it’s pasty. Sounds simple enough. The recipe calls for 2 dozen so maybe I’ll wait a few days and see if I can get enough to ripen up. Otherwise I guess I’ll just get started with these. Not sure if I will can them or freeze them. It will be good to know that if we go broke this winter, we can at least have pasta and tomato paste. The corn is looking good too.. about 2 ears per plant…have no idea if that is normal or not as it’s the first time I’ve ever grown corn. The squash is looking awesome…we must have 20 of them out there.

I meditated for 14 minutes tonight. Practiced piano. Finished my book. I don’t really understand what it was about, but I liked it nonetheless. A touch bizarre. Now I think I’ll read “When god was a woman” by Merlin Stone. NOthing like a little feminism to spice things up.

I hate my hair. I’m a hideous troll. I know I shouldn’t say that, but I just can’t seem to reconcile how I think I look (attractive, gorgeous, sexy, young) with how I actually look (old, crazy, fat, and definitely unsexy). But I suppose I will eventually get used to it. Or else I’ll jsut stop looking in the mirror. And I know how annoying it is to hear someone complain about their appearance, adn I try not to do it, but it’s just upsetting. I look like bozo the clown.

Anyhoo… I guess that’s it. I think it’s my infected body that’s making me feel so crappy inside and out. At any rate, I’m looking forward to a day by myself tomorrow.

J bought some krill oil capsules, which are like fish oil capsules, but better. I guess krill are some type of antarctic shrimp…high in Omega 3, dha, etc, etc. I take fish oil sometimes and it makes me dream like crazy. Well, krill oil seems to have the same effect. This is by far the weirdest dream I have had in a long time.

Me, my mom, my dad, and this girl from work, A (not sure how she ended up in my dream, though now that I think about it, she’s been in several dreams I’ve had…weird, let’s analyze that later) and maybe my sisters had gone on a trip of some sort and came back (perhaps from a train trip) and we went to find our car in a city-like place to go home. It wasn’t a super busy city, but just a street where there were some business buildings, parking meters, etc. We walk up to the car and notice that all of our purses are sitting on the roof of the car. Duh! How idiotic! WE left our purses on top of the car all day. (eyes rolling). Then I pull out my wallet and everything is there and I say to my dad “See, this is the great thing about living in Maine. Nobody even stole anything!” My dad walks into a building. Just then, a truck or armored car like vehicle pulls up and a scraggly middled-aged white lady winds down the window and says to me (I’m on the curb side of the car, so she has to say this over the car) “I don’t want to have to shoot you so give me the diamonds. Then I rememeber that there is a bag of uncut diamonds like in a ziplock type bag on top of the car too…a hole big honking bag of them. My first reaction is fuck it, I’m not going to die for diamonds, so I pick the bag up and am about the toss it to her and then I look at my mom and say “Is dad going to kill me if I do this?” and she shrugs as if to say “yes” without actually saying yes. I hold on to the bag, stalling, and I want my dad to come out to tell me what to do. Then I start thinking about it and decide I don’t want him to come out becuase I don’t want him to get shot. Meanwhile, I keep stalling and she waits patiently.

Then, a cop of some sort is standing beside me, but she doesnt’ see him. He has a giant metal arm that he is maneuvering over the armored vehicle, cutting a hole in the top of it. I keep stalling, hoping she odesn’t notice. At this point, I don’t think I can give up the diamonds. I’m sort of frozen. He keeps cutting and then lowers a claw like thing into the vehicle and it wraps around her hand where she’s holding the gun. Then it wraps around her neck and starts strangling her. I’m saved.

Weird, huh? The funny thing was that I felt like I hadn’t even gotten to sleep. I went to bed at 10 and then looked at the clock at 12 and thought, jeez, I’m never going to get to sleep. And then I realized that I had had that dream. Or else I had the dream later and just revised history. Who knows. Anyway, just took today’s dose of krill oil so I can’t wait to see what dreams I have tonight! Assuming I sleep, which is still a problem.

Tonight was jogging night. We’re doing 90 seconds jogging, 2 minutes walking. I’m in rough shape. We do this for 20 minutes and I’m a wheezing mess by the end (actually from the beginning). I know if I stopped smoking I could do better, but I’m not willing to give that up. Besides I only smoke about 5 a day. 8 at the most. That’s not very much, but definitely enough to feel it in my lungs.

Twas a beautiful day. Blue skies, hot, not too humid. Threat of the daily thundershower but none materialized. Our veggie garden is kicking ass. WE have corn!! I’ve never grown corn before so this is super exciting… purple silky fibers are starting to appear. Wow. And the tomatoes have lots of green tomatoes on the vines, and Oh!!! the squash!! I love squash like a baby loves her mama and there are oodles and oodles of squash on the vines. It took forever to flower, but when it did, it flowered like crazy. By the way, squash flowers are very very pretty. As are eggplant flowers. We have a fence, but I’m scared the deer will jump over it. The squash vines (actually everything in teh garden) have gotten HUGE this year. I think it’s all the cow manure we put on. Some of teh squash vines have escaped the fence and I’m afriad the deer will get a taste for it and then be motivated to jump inside. Oh well… I guess worrying about it won’t do any good.

At one point today I had this bad feeling. The feeling you get when you have a weird encounter with someone and feel guilty, or awkward, or ashamed, or bad about yourself. So I went to review the situation in my head so I could make snese of it, and I couldn’t even figure out what the situation was. In other words, I felt bad for no reason. How stupid! And yet knowing nothing happened didn’t help. I could not talk myself into feeling better. It was strange. So then I thought maybe it was something I ate. ? I don’t know.. maybe I’m just kooky.

Having a martini and enjoying the night. There’s really no point worrying about decisions you may never have to make. Tomorrow may come and I will have to make decisions I didn’t see coming, and other options will never materialize, nulling those decisions entirely. I guess I’ll see what life has to offer me (while doing what I can to make sure I get what I want as best I can.)

I am totally swamped at work. Have juicy meaty projects that I’m totally overwhelmed with, but I have decided that I want to win an award. J says that’s a bad goal because I have no control over it. But screw it. I wanna award! So that is my goal.

Still loving A Wild Sheep Chase. Read it! He is wonderful! Next on my list is “When god was a woman” by Merlin Stone. : ) Yes… feeling a touch manic.

Maybe the answer is keeping as busy as possible. Therefore, I am suddenly manic.

1) I’m totally into my job and am going to kick ass on all my projects and become totally indispensable. I even brought home some scintillating reading about health literacy.

2) The adult education fall schedule is out and there are a ton of classes I want to sign up for. I think the ones I actually will sign up for our Beginning French - I’ve been looking for a French class for a while. I can’t speak a word of it currently and mispronounce everything evenly remotely french. I live close to Quebec (well, 5 hours away) so I could actually use it. And I’ve always loved learning languages. They also have a Beginning Watercolor course and I’d like to take that too. And finally, ballroom and latin dancing! whoo hoo! Of course, if I do sign up for all fo these, that would mean I have something to do just about every night of the week. Hmm… maybe that’s not a bad thing.

3) I’m on a mission to reduce the size of my ass. I measured myself last night and as embarrassing as this is to admit, it was 43 inches! Holy mother of god. I will get it down to a semi-reasonable 40. (in my own defense, I do have wide hips).

4) I’m on a mission to feel mentally fit, energetic, and positive. I will make this happen! Was very tired and listless today but tried anyway. Now I’m on the search for teh right diet, supplements, and exercise to make me feel good. Tonight I tried CoQ10 and krill oil. And some vitamins. And after eating 1 fruit all day, I gorged on fruits and vegetables for dinner. Now I’m up to 4 for the day. I may do some meditating shortly.

5) Reading, education, being the smartest person alive.

These are my modest goals. Now I’m going to do some online Dreamweaver training, do some writing, memorize 3 pages of Cider House Rules, keep reading “A Wild Sheep Chase (love it!!) and go to bed.

So I’ve been reading some self help books lately and they have me convinced that I can do whatever I put my mind to! The problem is.. what do I want? I don’t know. As a woman, I have the never ending quest for beauty and perfection, but that one is getting a little old. Sure, I can always strive to be healthier and happier and have better hair and better clothes. But what do I really want to accomplish? When you’re in school, your goal is to graduate, get a good job. Then you keep trying for better jobs and better salaries. And then you reach your 30s… I have the job I want. I’m most likely not going to get paid better if I go to a different company (if I could even find a similar job at a different company). I’ve traveled fairly extensively… would like to travel more, but there isn’t really anywhere I’m dying to go. Even Africa is sort of losing its appeal. I’ve done some daring things, gotten over some fears. I’m by no means perfect, but it seems that I just don’t have any huge things I want to accomplish.

And then it occurred to me… oh yeah.. I was going to write a book! I think I’ve written this same exact post about a dozen times. How could I have this life long goal that I keep forgetting about. Did I smoke too much pot as a youth? Is the memory going already? And then I really start to overanalyze things and think, if I did write a book, then I’d have absolutely nothing to strive for. Then it would all be pointless. Should I just start picking goals randomly. Shouldn’t I be more ambitious and want to be president or something? But anyway. Ok, repetitious pep talk coming up.

I am going to write a book, starting tonight. I have an idea, which I won’t share, because all writers know that to share it is to lose it. I think I’ve chosen something that fits my personality, is something I think about a lot, and can be really funny. I won’t worry about whether it will sell or any of that stuff. I am just going to write it. Every day until it is done.

So, yes, I do believe that anyone can do pretty much what they set their mind to. The trick is to just keep doing it every day. That’s why I did yoga last night, and I’m running tonight, even though I have a stomach ache and my lungs are burning already.

Anyway, speaking of traveling, I also decided that I need to plan a vacation. For me, planning it is just as much fun as actually doing it (some times even more so). And the further ahead you plan it, the more time you can spend looking forward to it! Anticipation is just one of my favorite things. I don’t want to spend a ton of money, and I don’t want to go far, far away, but I want to go somewhere I’ve never been before. I think I’ll plan it for January/February because it’s never too early to plan a winter vacation. My first thought was Bermuda, but I think maybe it’s not super warm there in winter. Plus it’s very expensive. But it sounds impressive. My second thought was Grand Cayman. I have heard nothing but good things about this island. I think it’s expensive too, but frankly, I’m willing to splurge on a really great hotel, but not willing to spend a lot on airfare. After all, flying is a total nightmare so why do I want to splurge on that? I need to talk to J and see what he thinks. I’ve also always wanted to go to Jamaica, though maybe I’ve outgrown that and just haven’t realized it yet

day today. I wrote one ad, which I’m sure my boss will rewrite, then spent about an hour trying to write website copy with absolutely nothing to go on, then another hour being mad at the situation. Then I gave up and did some online window shopping and blog reading and walked to the bathroom every hour even if I didn’t have to go. It could quite possible have been “the longest day in history.”

But I found some neat sites (neat!). I’ve heard of blogher but never been there. I was under the impression that it was one chick who wrote it but it’s actually a compliation of a bunch of blogs written by chicks. I have to say, the chicks hold my attention more than the dudes. Do I read any dude blogs? No, not really. Then I came to one I really liked and then linked to another and found this initiative… 101 things in 1001 days, or something like that. The point is to encourage yourself to try new things - like new years resolutions but you have more time. I had to sort of stretch to think of 101 things (yes, I did this all at work) and I would like to refine it, but dont’ really have the energy, so these are my 101 things. I copied a lot of them from the other blog. I like the idea of doing something for a day, or a few days in a row, just to try it…like “smile at everyone I see for an entire day.” Also, it may be a good way to try out giving up some bad habits without committing to “forever”

By Wednesday, March 2, 2011

1. Volunteer at least once to be a literacy tutor

2. Donate blood at least 3 times

3. Participate in a large protest

4. Send a “just because” care package to a friend

5. Give a sincere compliment to 1 person a day for 5 days (must be a different person each time)

6. Work out 3 times a week for 1 month

7. Do 10 real pushups with good form

8. Do not go online for 3 consecutive days

9. Buy a complete outfit purchased from thrift stores

10. Smile at everyone I see for an entire day

11. Stockpile food and water to last a week in the basement

12. Call someone I haven’t talked to in at least six months

13. Read at least 10 books on my personal bookshelf

14. Attend a church service

15. Walk a labyrinth

16. Compose an advance directive

17. Send at least 10 Christmas cards and write a personal note in each

18. Participate in an online writing contest/newsletter OR submit a piece to a printed publication

19. Finish the first draft of my novel

20. Sleep outside (in a tent or under the stars)

21. Go on a hike

22. Ride on the back of a motorcycle

23. Stay in a haunted hotel room OR visit a place that advertises itself as being haunted

24. Take a Sisters-Only Getaway with both of my two beautiful sisters

25. Meet someone new in Bowdoinham

26. Try every restaurant on Portland Dine-Around

27. Obtain a piece of original art for the wall (bought by myself or received as a gift)

28. Take a painting class and paint a giant nautilus

29. Finish the Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain video

30. Learn Sumi’e

31. Replace medicine cabinet, patch drywall and paint downstairs bathroom myself

32. Support a craftsperson—buy something handmade (either in person or online)

33. Attend a dance performance

34. Get my 401ks consolidated

35. See an author read from his or her work

36. Start a conversation with a stranger

37. Learn the correct way to hold and shoot a gun

38. Take an African Drumming class

39. Document a “day in my life” with photos

40. Eat 5 things I’ve never tried before

41. Cook at least 1 dish I’ve never made before, at least once a week, for 4 consecutive weeks

42. Preserve enough food to last an entire winter

43. Dry my own fruit using a food dehydrator

44. Eat only raw foods for an entire day

45. Eat only local foods for an entire day

46. Drink 6 glasses of water every day for 7 consecutive days

47. Don’t have any diet coke for 4 consecutive days

48. Don’t drink any alcohol for 30 consecutive days

49. Eat at least 5 fruits and vegetables every day for 5 consecutive days

50. Make a new list of 101 Things by the time my 1001 days are done

51. Become friends with a straight man and have it not be weird.

52. Jam with other musicians

53. Have someone over for dinner

54. Make something homemade or write something for every member of my family

55. Invite a new person to go out for dinner, drinks, lunch, etc. 5 times

56. Take a dance class and then dance in public

57. Visit 2 states I’ve never been to before

58. Ride my bicycle

59. Use my rollerblades

60. Take a poetry class or study on my own. Write one really good poem.

61. Write a song.

62. Take at least one swimming class.

63. Eat a lobster

64. Go ice skating

65. Try bourbon

66. Go snowboarding

67. Go to the rock climbing gym

68. Mediate for 20 minutes a day for 7 days in a row

69. Don’t check stats (of any kind) for 7 consecutive days

70. Don’t say anything negative about myself or other people for an entire day

71. Be nice to 1 person a day for 7 days

72. Put together a scrapbook about me

73. Watch a sunset from the beach

74. Go to a football game in a stadium I’ve never been to before

75. Participate in at least one game of a team sport

76. Do karaoke

77. Take my car to get serviced at a new place

78. Floss teeth every night for 7 days

79. Tell someone new a joke every day for 3 days

80. Tell Jon one reason I’m glad I’m married to him every day for 7 days

81. Become a vegan for one week

82. Don’t use any gas for 3 days (can use other people’s gas)

83. Go out in public with absolutely no makeup on

84. Don’t use any electricity for an entire day

85. Make homemade herbal tea from herbs I’ve grown myself

86. Listen to a new genre of music every day for a week (new one each day)

87. Don’t interrupt people or finish anyone’s sentences for a whole day

88. Initiate small talk with a cashier at the grocery store

89. Don’t accumulate any new plastic bags for a month

90. Don’t buy any non-consumable material items for an entire week

91. Snuggle with my cats for 20 minutes of undivided attention

92. Make Jon breakfast in bed

93. Organize the basement

94. Say good morning to everyone I come into contact one morning

95. Kiss Jon goodbye every morning for a week

96. Give someone a hug (other than Jon) and don’t do “the pat”

97. Don’t use any styrofoam at work for a month

98. Go out socially and don’t get drunk 3 times

99. Buy a bottle of wine and have no more than one glass a night until its gone

100. Build raised beds and plant asparagus, rhubarb, and berries

101. Learn to play “my heart asks pleasure first”

is today. And it was a good day. Though I do have pms, which makes “letting things go” a touch harder. But I still tired.

Had piano for the first time in a month and played my song for my teacher. : ) She gave me some pointers and this week I’m supposed to work on it more. She mentioned a song she wrote so I asked her to bring that in next week too, so we could compare. hmm.. having wine tonight - went grocery shopping and bought the individual bottles of big house red wine and it tastes kinda funny. Maybe in 2 days I’ve lost my taste for the stuff. I swear, Thursdays, after work and piano and grocery shopping, I feel like I’ve been through a war. I just feel like I look and feel so much more haggard than the normal person should. I dunno. Went to the gym last night for the first time in weeks and did the stair climber for 23 minutes till I felt like I was going to puke. I thought that was a good sign that I’d worked hard enough! It was busy too. Lots of new years resolutioners.

I feel like sometimes I’m just rushing around, through my day, for no reason at all. It’s hard for me to just slow it down sometimes. breathe in, breathe out. awww…my typing just got a lot slower, but you can’t tell that. Maddeningly slow…I..t-h-i-n-k I w-i-l-l g-o m-a-d I’m t-y-p-i-n-g s-o s-l-o-w.

what else? I got my first book through swaptree - a very very nice illustrated, norton critical edition (love those) of Adventure of Huckleberry Finn. An American classic I’ve never read. Cool. I’d like to get To Kill a Mockingbird since I just saw Capote and realized that Harper Lee is a woman. Who knew!? I looked her up on Wikipedia and apparently that was her only novel. She’s still kickin’ but just never wrote another book. Intriguing. I haven’t worked on my book in 2 days. Tonight I’m resolved to least write 250 words. That’s pretty much a printed page in a book, so I hear.

My goals for January. Buy just 1 thing that’s not consumeable - so food and gas and drinks don’t count. I’m on a budget anyway, but I thought it would be fun to see how little I could buy in a month. I do need a pair of sneakers - does that count as 2 or 1? They only sell them as pairs, so I guess that’s just one. I haven’t bought a new pair in years, and they do go bad, like cheap beer.

My other goals were to *Not drink alone, which I happen to be breaking at this very moment. and * no more than 2 diet cokes per day (had 3 today and it is affecting my sleep) and * no plastic. hmm… Have I used any plastic today? I tried to buy stuff at the store that wasn’t packaged in plastic. Oh shit… the lettuce was. damn! Well, they’re goals, not the 10 commandments.

Well, Christmas is over. I thought it went absolutely perfectly. We drove down, which took about 10 hours and it was fine. We stayed at a hotel in Old Town Alexandria, which is a fun place. Had dinner with my family Saturday night. Spent all Sunday visiting my friends and eating and touring grocery stores (J works for a grocery store and likes to check out the competition – which oddly enough I find fun too. I always say I could live in either a Whole Foods store or a Borders and be perfectly happy… now if they could just combine the two). Monday we went to the zoo and I saw the black footed ferret. She was so cute. Then we went to lunch and then met my parents at the National Gallery of Art (we lost the rest of the family since they couldn’t find parking – which ended up probably for the best). Saw the JMW Turner exhibit, which was neat,, and the Edward Hopper exhibit, which was phenomenal. Loved it! Saw Nighthawks and Chop Suey and they were just so cool. Then we had dinner at my sister’s apartment. Then Christmas day and dinner and the ride home and no fights, no meltdowns, family dynamics totally under control! It was perfect.

 

And so it’s time to set some new goals for the year. My 2007 goals went pretty well.

 

1. I’m going to continue on my quest of conquering fears and not letting the fact that I’m intimidated stop me from doing anything. For example, at my hotel I was intimidated by the waffle maker and so just had stale pancakes. Regret! I will NOT do that anymore.
   
2. I want to continue being honest, kind, and sincere in my personal interactions. It’s hard (impossible?) to do all three at once, but it’s worth a shot!
   
3. I won’t let negativity affect me or people in general to affect my mood.
   
4. I will stop dwelling on the past, stopping dreaming about the future, and live in the present
   
5. I will catch up on my reading.  Think I can do one book every 2 weeks? I just bought 3 new ones last night and got several from xmas too.
   
6. I will work diligently on my book. Goal: 600 words per day.
   
7. I will have an awesome vacation in Maine , learning how to use the kayak I’m going to buy and exploring!
   
8. I will consume less plastic.
   
9. I will learn how to give awesome massages.
   
10. I will continue to be smoke-free, I will drink moderately, I will exercise regularly and I will eat oodles and oodles of fruits and veggies.
    
11. I will become a world-class pioneer woman and have stacks upon stacks of canned, dried,  and frozen food – just because I want to!
    
12. I will forward my career by joining a writing group, making important connections, and trying my hand at freelance magazine writing.
    
13. I will become great a long, hard piano piece. And I’ll also write songs and poems.
    
14. I might learn French!
    
15. I will build a patio in my back yard.
    
16. I will study the stars!
    
17. And I might even go to Ireland . Or maybe Prague . Perhaps Vienna .
    

 

Yowza! That sounds fun!

Ok, it’s that time of the year… summer is fading (at least I feel like it is), days are getting shorter and I’m getting into my obsessive compulsive planning phase again. Goals goals goals! No more sitting around moping! In order to stay out of funky thoughts and depressive moods, I’m just going to keep really busy. And do stuff that scares me (that’s extra good because then you waste a lot of time before hand being scared).

 

 

I actually have lots of things that scare me coming up.

 

 

1)       Next week I get to tip my kayak over on purpose! And I’m paying good money to do it too. : ) ACK! Yeah, that really scares me. I’m almost hyperventilating thinking about it.

 

2)       I’m participating in a conference and have no idea what I’m supposed to be talking about. And public speaking probably scares me more than almost anything else on earth (including drowning). That should take care of a few sleepless night s where I might be tempted to think about other things.

 

 

Next on my list:

 

 

1)       I’m going to sign up for a writing workshop. That scares me almost as much as public speaking. I guess I don’t really feel like a “real writer” since I haven’t had any fiction published. And nothing really complete ever written. Hmm… But I am trying, so what the hell. I don’t know what I’ll get out of it, but if nothing else, maybe I’ll meet some new people who like writing too. Or else I’ll hate it and just cross it off my list and know I’m not missing out on anything. : )

 

2)       I’d like to sign up for a swimming class. I’ve always loved swimming and this is one of those things (like the piano) that has been on my list for the last 10 years and I’ve just never gotten around to doing it. I guess I keep waiting till I lose those 10 pounds so I don’t have to be self conscious walking around in a bathing suit. Now that’s a dumb reason not to try something!

 

 

Maybe I’ll even try a lobster! Eeuuww yuk.  And maybe one day I’ll learn to dance (very scary!).

 

 

Matchmaker matchmaker make me a match! Hmm… my friend D at work said to me today, “I wish you weren’t married or I’d set you up with my brother.” Aww… how sweet. She said “yeah, you’d be perfect for each other. You’re really into your cats, and your smart, and he likes red hair.” Ha! So I started thinking…hmm.. my sister is single. So she lives in a different state, big deal. She was just saying the other night how she wished she could meet someone. I need to get her back up here for another visit. If only we’d planned it better, we could’ve had them meet. What’s that? Anti-synchronicity?

 

 

Lately I’ve been totally amazed by what women I know are doing. Living their dreams, conquering fears…it’s awesome. I got an invitation on linkedin to connect with this girl I worked with years ago. We weren’t particularly close, but I thought she was cool and smart. We just never hung out. Now, she does children’s art. Like murals, furniture, T-shirts, etc. and they are so cool! I’m going to order a shirt from my nephew and probably something for my friend J who is pregnant. Sounds like she still has a full time gig too, but I love that she’s using her talent and passion.

 

 

Then I ran across the website of a more recent former colleague. Again, this was a girl who I never really hung out with, but I always admired her because she’s obviously very smart and very talented. She had anorexia and had been hospitalized for it toward the end of my stay at my last job. Now she’s started a clothing company that sells T-shirts that say things like “count kisses, not calories.” “Recovering perfectionist” And my favorite one “mudflap refugee” which has a picture of those sexy ladies on the mudflaps of trucks.  You go, girl! Now I just need to write that damn novel so I can be part of the awesome woman club.

 

 

Something funny I keep forgetting to write about. On the blog.com stats that occasionally work, but don’t lately, I can see what search items people used to come to my blog. Some recent ones:

 

 

06/Aug/2007	after drinking peeing blood (page 1)
2)	05/Aug/2007	i need somewhere to fish (page 1)
3)	04/Aug/2007	sobriety is boring (page 22)
4)	03/Aug/2007	nighty night bugs (page 1)
5)	01/Aug/2007	joseph campbell (page 4)

 

 

Ha! My favorite one is “Sobriety is Boring” page 22 of google results!! Wow… I guess sobriety really IS boring if you get to page 22 of google. My god. That’s just… patient. Unfortunately my stats don’t work at all anymore. Now I can’t obsess about that.

 

 

Running update: Already have my 2 days in and it’s only Wednesday. I’m up to 6 laps of running. I think soon I may make it out of the driveway!! Exciting!!

 

 

Well, off to piano and I didn’t practice at all this week. That should be fun. Tomorrow I have a work party that I’m actually looking forward to. I just need to try not to get too drunk… but hey, sobriety is boring, so that’s out of the question too. Wouldn’t want to end up searching to page 22 of google or anything (not that I’ve never done it)…