Thanks for the fish

I bought some rolos on the off chance that we might get a trick-or-treater for halloween (didn’t happen). Ok, actually I bought them because I was strolling the halloween candy aisles at Target and it was after work and I had pms and I wanted CHOCOLATE. Love those rolos. And I’m sure everyone is impressed that there are still some left on November 8. huh? Am I right?

Red wine has become a bit of a luxury for me, with all my frugality lately. After pinching pennies for a month, I dropped $168 on getting my hair done (doesn’t look all that different either) and then I skipped the gym, filled the car up with gas ($2.49 a gallon!) and then like the classy chick that I am, I picked up a bottle of Ravenswood Merlot…at the gas station.

I also bought a bottle of Smirnoff at the grocery store today. I just can’t live without my vodka. And J needed his Krill oil capsules ($30!!) so it was an expensive week. But overall, I’m spending less and totally seeing a difference.

Our hardwood pellets have arrived and we have no stove to burn them in. We also bought a big building for outside. It’s 16 feet by 8 feet, so pretty large. The plan is to put the kayaks in there, the pellets (maybe), all our gardening stuff. It was a bit of an investement ($2300) but it was made locally and sold locally and is a lot more reasonably priced than the stuff at the home depot. It will be nice to have a building, then we can clear out the basement and start focusing on finishing up a room. The plan is to get a room finished, unearth some furniture that’s been under plastic for 4 years, put the pellet stove in there, cut a vent in the ceiling/floor and organize the rest of the basement too. Good winter project, no?

Tonight’s netflix is Dr. Zhivago. I love this movie for many reasons. 1) my russian obsession 2) i love the music 3) the main character has my name 4) i’m a hopeless romantic. I have to share all these movies with J from my youth. Pollyanna, Sound of Music, Airplane, Dr. Zhivago…then tehre’s the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. He doesn’t appreciate it at all, but it’s part of who I am. Yes, Dr. Z is 3 hours long and depresssing as all get out, but shit.. what else do we have to do on a Saturday night?

We just had haddock sandwiches (haddock was $3 per pound off at hannaford) with sweet potato fries and green giant asparagus. I do try to eat seasonally. It just seems like the thing to do. I’ve been eating a lot of bread and cheese and meat and squash. But damn, lemme tell you, when my body got a hold of that asparagus, there was some hallelujahing going on…big time. My body was like Vitamin B! Green Vegetables! party time! It’s pretty obvious when your body is missing something. It’s unnatural, but oh well.

We’ve been watching the Power of Myth with Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers. Damn if he isn’t the most brilliant mother effer on the face of the earth (dead now) I’ll be goddamned. Brilliant!

of strawberries! Perfect pickin! I love the sound when you pick a perfectly ripe strawberry. pop! Actually it’s more like pup! They had peas too, but who wants peas when you can have strawberries? Honestly.

Not feeling great today. I think it’s allergies that are bothering me, so I took some expired claritin (it was fine… such a racket) and sometimes I wonder what makes me feel worse…the ailment or the medicine. It makes me feel chilled and a little nauseous and weird. But I kept busy and it didnt’ bother me too much.

Moved all the irises from the dogwood bed (they were almost as tall as the dogwood) and put them behind the boulder bed on the border of the woods. Then I took all the rocks from around the dogwood bed and put them around that whole section. Then moved some pansies and poppies. I should’ve just yanked them up, but I don’t have the heart. They’re such troopers. It’s coming together but the weeds have me down. I can’t keep up and I”m exhausted.

Reading the Power of Myth. Wow. This guy’s a freaking genius. Holy cow. It’s fun to read because it’s an interview so it’s just kind of free flowing. Here are some good parts:

This is my favorite. He’s talking about a book by Thomas Mann and the inside quotes are from that.

“”The writer must be true to truth.” And that’s a killer, because the only way you can describe a human being truly is by describing his imperfections. The perfect human being is uninteresting - the Buddha who leaves the world, you know. It is the imperfections of life that are lovable. And when the writer sends a dartof the true world, it hurts. But it goes with love. This is what Mann called “erotic irony,” the love for that which you are killing with your cruel, analytical word.”

Now THAT you can take personally. : )

Another good one… I thought of J. He’s been having some existential crises lately. I feel bad for him. Of course I have them too. We all do. But they suck.

“There’s no meaning. What’s the meaning of the universe? What’s the meaning of a flea? It’s just there. That’s it. And you own meaning is that you’re there. We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it’s all about.”

Good stuff, man! 

Got our CA vacation all planned out. 3 nights in San Fran, 4th day we get a car, drive to Carmel for lunch, drive to Fresno and spend the night. Next day drive to Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks, drive back to Fresno for the night. Next day, drive to Yosemite and spend the night there. Next day, spend more time at Yosemite, drive back to San fran for the night. Next day fly out. How does that sound? It sucks we can’t do everything we want, but I guess that’s just the way it is. J wants to do some sort of donkey or horse ride in Yosemite. Scary. I need to get over my fear of riding on large animals. It’s just the lack of control factor that I don’t like. They have no brakes! No accelerator. No seat belts. No parking brake. You get the point. 

I worked too hard today. The point was to relax. Oh well..  

 

 

Yay! I keep forgetting. Just got back from Borders… stocked up books for tomorrow…books that are going to help me write The Great American Novel. Got Joseph Campbell’s Hero with 1000 faces. Plus the Power of Myth. Couldn’t decided between Pathways to Bliss or Myths to Live By, then decided on Power instead. It’ll be a good starting place. From the Power of Myth:

“If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are - if you are following your bliss,  you are enjoying that refreshment, that life witin you, all the time.” 

Sweet! 

I’m beat. The pollen is really bothering me… feel like I have a massive hangover all the time. Having one cosmo tonight just because I’m really on edge for some reason. Got an email from my old boss in VA. She asked if I wanted to apply for a telecommuting position they have open. I asked her how much it would pay but I haven’t heard back. I have a feeling it would pay DC prices here in ME. I don’t know though… I finally found a full time writing gig…finally found people I actually like working with. There would be a lot of pros, but I’m just not sure I want to work from home. Kinda boring. I’d have more free time to work on my book, but I find that when I have too much time, I just piss more of it all away. Sometimes you have to keep time a commodity.

Thought I saw someone who looked familiar at borders. But it probably wasn’t him. He did look at me kind of funny though. Oh! Also went to the Lobster shack and had crabmeat rolls by the ocean. Beautiful! Next time I have to remember to bring my own wine (and a tablecoth)… and a heavier sweater!  

Today, I will be brainy.

Downloaded The Hero with one thousand faces from Audible and listened to that on the way in this morning. So the journey of self discovery continues. I feel like I’m the right track. Jung, Campbell, dreams, myths…it’s in their somewhere. This morning’s part was about rites of passage. The hero journey helps us through transitions in our lives. The hero goes away and comes back renewed, reborn, with a new perspective. That’s what rites of passage are about. But modern society doesn’t really have these rites of passage. You could say a wedding is one, but I didn’t get married till I was 30. That’s a little late to come to grips with being an adult. I mean, we’re thrown out into the world and forced to survive, but we still feel like children and cling to the past. College graduation…I didn’t even go to mine. I guess it is a natural tendency to cling to the past, especially in a youth oriented culture.

But they say dreams naturally pick up where our lack of rites leaves off. Our collective unconscious tells us where we need to go. I’m wondering if my parking garage dreams are telling me that it’s time to go! I’m stuck. Interesting stuff. I have Joseph Cambell’s “Primitive Mythology” that I picked up at a used book sale probably a decade ago. Maybe I’ll read that. I feel like it’s making sense. I don’t have all the pieces, but I”m getting them. I think of a book I read by Sue Monk Kid called the Mermaid Chair. She’s good… she’s really into religion and spirituality, feminism, self discovery , etc. The book is about a wife and mother who is an artist who goes off to an island in South Carolina..basically leaves her husband, has an affair with a priest, then comes back to her husband. The priest was sort of a guide for her as she went along her journey. They didn’t end up together, but they neeeded to be together for that time for them both to get what they needed.

Anyhoo, it’s 5:45 on a lovely evening in vacationland. What am I doing inside rambling about self discover? I think it’s time for a cocktail and a lazy evening on the porch. Mabye I’ll even get to some weeding. oh… my ox eye daisy is gorgeous!! I’m in love with her. Weed schmeed. She is beautiful. Pollen is killing my eyes though. My pink rose is just starting to bud. Saw 2 baby deer alongside 295…looking very peaceful and cute.