Thanks for the fish

if nothing else. There was a time when summer meant slimming down. No more meat and potatoes… fresh strawberries, lettuce, cukes, tomatoes. Well that’s still what it means, sans the slimming down. But fuck it. I don’t care anymore. We’re galloping through nature’s abundance and I refuse to think about calories.

Our CSA has delivered us broccoli raab. I’m going to make  brocolli rabe and cannelini beans on garlic toasts . It’s also delivered us mesclun mix, lettuce mix, radishes, green onions (though they call them scallions). Also, spinach, which we already ate. I admit it’s a challenge to eat all this food, but it’s a challenge I’m up for!

Unfortunately, we also have lettuce in the garden getting very big and tall. I eat wraps, I eat salads, I stuff as much lettuce into my body as I can, and still, there is more leftover. But abundance is a good thing, which I will not complain about.

It’s raining here and I’m glad. The garden needs it. The corn has sprouted sporadically. I need to go and throw more seeds at it. Tomatoes are flowering. Squash is looking good. J’s dad planted onions and potatoes…more than they’ll need so I’m sure I’ll get some extras. : ) I just freaking LOVE summertime in Maine. It’s manic manic  manic overabundanceness! My flowers are exploding. The weeds are exploding even more. I have big mulching plans. I have big writing plans, I have big reading plans, I have big basement-finishing plans. But mostly I have big dinner plans:

Parmesan baked haddock
The above mentioned broccoli rabe recipe
rosemary bread
wine
salad!

We went kayaking yesterday with J’s friend R. It was fun. Beautiful, perfect day! R talks a lot. A LOT. But he’s pretty easy to get along with. Self-aware, self-effacing, flakily just himself. Me and J… we’re pretty quiet. I can jabber on a bit when I have a drink or two in me (like now), but mostly we like to float along in silence. But it was nice. We went out to “our island.” I got a bit of a sunburn. It was a much needed respite after my shitty week of being sick and stressed and overwhelmed at work. Today it rained. So even though I planned on getting my 2 new raised beds up, I had to sit around and read, agonize about my book, and drink red wine. We went out shopping, to get father’s day presents and b-day presents for my friend D. People were universally irritating me. I have pms and am in a mood and I hate, hate, hate people. Women over 20 wearing pigtails and camo pants, kids, kids, kids, parents, parents, parents, adults, adults, adults. No matter what they were doing, they were getting on my nerves. I’m juding people based on class (whether richer than me or poorer than me) and finding every excuse imaginable to not like people.

Then I got home and relaxed. J bought lots of books at borders and I realized I am blessed to be married to a wonderful, curious, intelligent man who thinks talking on a cell phone during a kayak trip is in bad taste!

Oh! So I had my piano recital Total disaster! I completely forgot a song I have worked on for over a year! I started it 3 times, then finally got up and said “Can I grab my music?” in front of 200+ people. Granted the other performers were for the most part 8 years old. Still, I felt like the mother hen and that I should at least set a good example. But afterwards an older man, who I assume was a father came up to me and said “Thank you for being here. It’s good for the children to see an adult doing this.” I was the only adult in the recital and it made me think, yes. It’s good for the kids to see that you can do something and not be perfect at it. We’re all not great at performances. Life is a continuous learning. So yes, my failure is there gain! But it was still slightly depressing! Oh well!

Mrs. Robin is nesting on her eggs. I saw a bald eagle at my house! Flying by my window. Then yesterday kayaking TONS of bald eagle sightings. sigh…

Enough random thoughts… time to tend to my homemade yogurt, my haddock, and my broccoli raab.

Loompa…and feel like I’m going to puke. I went for my walk/run and this time it really did nearly kill me. My face is beyond red… it is orange. But I did  it! I haven’t progressed onto the next week…I’m stuck doing 90 seconds of jogging, 90 walking, 3 minutes jogging, 3 minutes walking, repeat. The worst part is that the last 3 minute run is up a big hill and by that point I can barely breathe or move my legs. Oh well… I also did my weights today and some kayaking (more on that shortly).

NOw I have a glass of 3 blind moose Riesling in front of me that I think I may be too nauseous/dehydrated to drink…but Ill try anyway. Since the sun is still shining (!) I wanted to get out and do some “quiet water” kayaking, even though I had a million other things to do. I picked a place pretty close to here… a pond. J didn’t have much interest in it because he doesn’t like doing anything that involves water and doesn’t involve risking our lives. So he’s an ocean guy… I, on the other hand, like peaceful, serene, non-life-threatening trips. It was lovely. Some of the trees are already turning colors..the red maples. yeah, it seems early, but they were sure pretty. It was very peacefl and we saw a bit of wildlife. A heron and a kingfisher, and an osprey. And some water lilies. It was much easier to prepare for this trip too because we didn’t need to bring as much stuff or wear our spray skirts or any of that crap. And no rinsing off afterward because it was fresh water. fun!

Before we took off for the pond I stopped at best buy and bought a pocket size digital camera. It seems a bit excessive and I guess i didn’t really need it (why do I feel so guilty about this?) but I have wanted one for a long time. J has a big clunky SLR digital. I have a big clunky SLR non-digital. I wanted one I could just slip in my purse so I don’t have to make a big production out of taking a picture. Plus, I wanted to start documenting our kayaking adventures on a blog. So now I’m charging the battery and even plan on reading the instructions and learning whaty all the buttons mean (my least favorite thing in the world to do). It’s a Sony Cybershot. They didn’t have it in any pretty colors in stock, so it’s just silver. But it seems nice… small, portable. It was $179, then $29 for teh memory car, and $30 for a carrying case. J owed me about $240 and that’s what it cost so he just put it on his credit card. how perfect!

I found a short story competition to enter. The deadline is December 1 so I have some time. Maybe between now and then my slackass writing group will decide to meet so I can get some feedback. I don’t have a subject yet..though I thought maybe I’d do a mystery/horror…like an Edgar Allen Poe type thing…? Who knows. : )

I paid off my credit card bill for the umpteenth time today. Maybe this time I’ll make it stick! I suppose I shouldn’t buy a mini cooper… but I want to. I’m completely out of debt… I do still need something a bit more fuel efficient..and I sort of want something cute and cool… but I hate to have a car loan again. It seems kind of silly.

Tonight I need to do some canning or freezing or something with all my tomatoes. Then I have some work I really need to do… Never got around to painting the bathroom… dinner… reading… piano… I bought a book of easy country songs, like Hank Williams “your cheatin heart” to work on. They’re very easy, but I told my teacher I needed something to build up my confidence. So it’s good.

on a Sunday afternoon. umm umm. Aged Cheddar, made in Maine. But I’ve been working hard so I deserve it. I feel like I’m finally hitting my summer stride…. being outside constantly, getting sun burned, covered in dirt all day, loving every minute of it. ahhh summer.

Yesterday was our kayaking course. I thought it was about advanced strokes but it was mostly about navigation. I learned some things (like, oh, how to use a compass). And got some damn good exercise paddling across casco bay. The instructors were good. One reminded us of our friend F. The other was cute and very earnest. Normally I dont’ like really like that quality, but he was making it work for him. They have a rule that when you hear thunder you have to head back or hunker down. We heard thunder around 2;30 or so and headed back. Didn’t get to do advanced rescue techniques (aka flipping your boat over and having someone rescue you) darn!! was SO looking forward to that. : ) And we learned some thigns about towing. I was the only woman in the class. The water was rough in some spots and the waves were pretty big. I didn’t feel too bad about it though since the instructors were there. If it was just me & J, I would have been crying.

Then we went to Disgusta to the art store, book store and to see Indiana Jones. I bought some water colors and paper and some acyrilics too. I painted a pciture of my cat in watercolors. Voila!

Sideways, as usual. The movie was pretty good…action packed, entertaining, didn’t require too much thinking.

Today, cleaning, gardening, put some newspapers down in the aisles of the veggie garden. Everything looks good, though maybe a bit behind schedule. I hope our corn pilot project works out! yum! Bought some mulch and some marble chips. J wants to build a rock garden in teh front yard. Then i wanted to take over. Then he got mad. So now he’s out there doing it. Im a bit of a control freak in the garden, so I have to admit it’s killing me. But he’s cute when he’s get inspired, so I’ll let him do it. Maybe it will look good. : )

Well, looks like another thunder storm on the way. It’s dark and I have clothes on the line, so I guess I’ll grab those, make some crab cakes, have a mocktail, keep practicing cider house rules, do some reading, and enjoy the last few fleeting moments of the weekend. Oh, one more thing. I had 6 diet cokes on Friday so didn’t get any sleep, so I wrote a poem. Still needs a little work, but I’ve had this image in my mind for a year now adn have wanted to find a way to get it out, so here goes:

Of course I always think of you!
In the shower, I wonder
if I”ll run into you in some random place.
On the road, I slyly watch
for bold swatches of color
and familiar numbers
even when I know it’s the wrong make and model.
Out on the water, stroke, stroke, stroke,
silence.

My mind should be a blank canvas
but you paint yourself there
Never a portrait, but always in action
Dark hair and tulip smile
head always held high.

What are you doing?
Making a child smile
Making lasagna in your mother’s kitchen
Giving someone a hug (a real hug)
Taking a drag on a cigarette and looking me in the eye
as I watch the orange circle of embers
burn like desire in the night.

I catch my breath.
I won’t talk about you anymore.
Of course, I always think of you.

Yes, tonight I discovered the wonders of non-alcoholic beer! Perhaps at one time in my life I scoffed at such things and wondered what the f-ing point was, but that’s what getting older and wiser is all about I suppose. We went to a local Mexican restaurant/Irish bar (I know!) and I got tacos and an O’douls, and I have to say - it was lovely. aaah…. it was like having an old friend back. The comfort of a green glass bottle and a glass of amber beauty with a nice head on it. yum! Tasted just like bud or miller light, and with a 0.5% alcohol, I could pretend that I was getting a weeeeeeee bit of a buzz. Good stuff. Of course beer was never my drink of choice, so I’ve been thinking about looking for some non-alcoholic wine. I guess they would call that grape juice (unrefridgerated). : )

So what does that say about me… I need the illusion of having a drink in front of me more than the drink itself, which is true. At home, when I really feel like I need a drink, I just put ice cubes in my martini glass (the sound of home…clink clink clink in a cocktail glasss) and put some crangrape in their and just pretend there’s vodka in it. I mean, I like getting drunk too, but more than anything, it’s just a comfort to have something that I think will make me feel better. And it seems to work pretty well.

I’m feeling very squishy tonight. I’ve never been a hard body. In fact, every guy I’ve ever dated has always said (meaning it as a compliment I’m guessing), “you’re so soft!” I’m a soft body. I’m like the pillsbury dough body. Now I don’t need to be Linda Hamilton in the Terminator or antyhign, but I would seriously like to get rid of some back fat. It bothers me. So looking at my meals today, what could I have done differently. a) not had fried fish for lunch b) not had oodles of chips and salsa c) not ordered the beef tacos for dinner and d) not eaten half of J’s cheesecake filled tortilla. The problem is that I feel so virtuous with everything else that I feel like I should be able to eat whatever I want. Yeah.. so I don’t have a back fat reduction plan yet, but I have identified the desire. I think I’ll do a google search and see if I can find a workout.

Kayking course tomorrow and I don’t feel like going. It’s called “open water paddling skills” : ( Not a big fan of open water… I think that’s a natural human reaction. No?

Oh! Happy Summer Solstice! I’ve decided that my next list of 101 things will include “Run naked around the pine trees on the summer solstice” I’ll have to start a tentative list. I went out tonight looking for paints, but there is no good art store near me. It will require a trip to Portland or Augusta and I haven’t had time to get to one. So I went to Joanne’s, which is a fabric/craft store but all they had was kids paints. I briefly entertained the idea of buying one fo those rectangular trays of waterpaints, but I don’t think that’s quite gonna cut it to launch my art career.

My roses are all blooming. I’m just in love, lust, and infatuation iwth my garden at this point. I walk around with a goofy grin on my face talking to my flower “oh daisy! You’re lovely!” “how are you doing my darling rose” “hello you gorgeous thing!”. I’m not even joking. Koo koo! My climbing hydrangea is blooming for the first time. It didn’t bloom last year and this year it shot right up and has one bloom on it. I actually have 3 hydrangeas and out of the 3 of them I’ve had a total of 2 blooms in 3 years. Oh well… I’m a patient woman.

night in the summer… how can you not be happy? I can’t deny that work was a little annoying, but hey… no hard feelings till Monday morning.

First - let’s go through the list. Tried a new restaurant as part of #26. An Indian place..not bad. AND I even tried a new and different dish… something with potato and spinach. It was good. Not very crowded. Actually we were the only ones in there. The dish I made last night was deeeee-licious! I’ve found a labyrinth to walk (scheduled for thursday), and have signed up to donate blood on Wednesday at lunchtime (maybe not the best idea, but oh well). Also bought a new kind of melon at the store called a pepino or something like that… supposed to taste like a banana/pear. So, doing pretty good!

Sad about Tim Russert. : ( He seemed like a good guy. A few months ago (or last year? Xmas?) when I went to VA and my sisters picked me up at the airport, they saw him in the pickup lane too. On crutches. I didn’t see him myself.. so I guess that turned it into a non-sighting.. not too exciting.

My piano teacher gave me a new song to work on called “Prelude to the dance” . she’s been trying to push this one on me for a while. I think it’s some christian thing but I’m not sure. I also asked them to order the Cider House Rules music for me. I’m really tired of playing music I don’t like!

Decided while we were walking around Portland that I want to move to Portland. Then, we drove around our town looking for a place to put kayaks in tomorrow and then I decided that I want to live on the river where it’s sunny and farmlandy and pretty. Then I got home and decided I like it here. I guess I’d ideally liek to have a place in all of those places, but then i’d be stressed out about the upkeep. Yeah… so we’re planning on all day boat trip tomorrow.

My parents stayed with me last night, bringing up another load from MN. they’re making the final trip to their new home in ME in a few weeks. I think they’re excited. The brought me some plants… some lamb’s ear, some poppies, a dianthus, hens n chicks, something else… hypernicum?? I don’t know. A peony. So I need to get those planted this weekend too. But right now I’m sleepy and feel like laying around daydreaming. It’s the only vice I have left I’m such a damn goody goody. That and eating. So what the hell… to the couch!

Yes, for the short attention span sufferers like me, there is that ever elusive flow… when you lose track of time doing something that engrosses you. I have plenty of interests and I don’t think of myself as a passive participant in life, but flow eludes me most of the time. Even when I’m doing something I really enjoy, I look at my watch and say “good! I’ve been doing this for an hour (or half an hour) time to stop and relax! Mission accomplished! I just don’t like doing anything for too long. Day long excursions freak me out. Folding laundry all at one time freaks me out. Basically, I hate to commit. That’s what it comes down to. I don’t like to feel obligated and I don’t like to commit too much time to anything.

(long time lapse..talking to my friend J who I haven’t talked with forever!) Anyhooo… so I have found some flow lately, mostly with kayaking. 35 minutes felt like 5 on Sunday when we were out there. Something about paddling and focusing on each stroke…i suppose it’s something like meditation. Gardening does that for me sometimes too, but I have to force it a little more. I do a little and want to give up (because it’s hard work!) but I tell myself, just a little longer, and then eventually I really do lose track of time. anyway, it’s a good thing. I hope to cultivate more flow in my life.

Ok, next subject…themes for my novel. What do you think? We watched Cider House Rules last night and I was dissecting the story. The recurring theme in that movie was “sometimes you have to break the rules… when the rules dont’ make sense or don’t apply to you.” that’s an interesting theme.. i like it. So, rather than just thinking of random themes, I’ve been trying to think of what’s really important to me, because I do get passionate about some things. Maybe something about integrity vs. greed. Or earning what you have… or only appreciating things you feel like you really deserve. Then tehre’s synchronicity… how life gives you what you need. Living in the present - appreciating what you have. One in the hand is worth 2 in teh bush????? I don’t know! This novel wirting is too much work.

Oh! I had a vivid dream last night…crap, what was it. Crap, I don’t remember.

Had a synchronicitous moment re: Warren Beatty….weird.

Well, I guess that’s all for tonight, unless I remember my dream.

but too much sun. Went on our 2nd kayaking voyage today… it was gorgeous, perfect day, like it often seems to be lately (!) so we decided to go out with the boats. Tried to find a new place in town to put in, but couldn’t find the right spots…drove around for an hour and then finally just put in at the same public landing that we did last time, right in the center of town, where all the boats (big boats) put in. I’d rather have somewhere more discreet, but it worked. Went down the cathance river, out to merrymeeting bay and ended up at little brick island, just a rock in the middle of the bay. So we stopped and stretched our legs. I laid on a rock in the sun (my most favorite thing in the world to do… actually it could be a lumber pile in the sun, a bag of mulch in the sun, a pile of dirt in the sun… you get my drift). It was awesome..gorgeous and peaceful and zenlike and flowing. Time went by and I didn’t notice. J was way ahead of me. he likes to see how fast he can go while I like to stop and smell the roses, or the sea kelp or whatever. SAw my eagle! I like to believe I have an eagle who follows me everywhere, but yes, I really know it’s not the same eagle, but god it was gorgeous. It was up there with an osprey and they were just flying around, spreading their wings, I guess looking for lunch. damn, man.

Got back, grumpy and tired, and did some weeding. Yelled at J, he stalked off and mowed the lawn. I laid down and he came in to say he was going up to shovel manure. I felt guilty and went up to help, tired as shit. We made up, shoveled shit together and then he threw up a few times and decided that he had overdone it. I’m not worse for wear except some sore shoulders, a sore back and a sunburned wrist. Now I’m having a much deserved cocktail and eating a frozen pizza.

Next up is piano practicing… getting a little worried about the recital. Tomorrow is more weeding and mulching and some novel writing! God I wish I had a summer vacation.

in our kayaks. Let me tell you, kayaking is not for the faint of heart. I’m bushed! First, those things are heavy and you have to load them onto the car, take them down, get all your gear ready, then go out. It was really fun, but it got really windy and wavy and I was a little scared. Then I got really tired and grumpy. J is out cleaning everything off now, bless his heart.

Well, Thursday night I had a company dinner..whole company…about 400 people, so I thought it would be a fantastic idea to get shitfaced in front of everyone and act really obnoxious. : ( So I’ve been dwelling on that since and blushing about 5 times a day in shame. sigh… well, I obviously regret it and wish it hadn’t happened, but what can I do now? Nothing. Hold my head high, lay low, and hopefully people will forget. If not, I guess I could find a new job, but I can’t keep finding new jobs because I get drunk and embarrass myself. Will this be the time I learn my lesson? Perhaps. Damn damn dman dman damn. My self esteem is suffering and I’ve realized that I’m ungrateful and a total brat.

So, having figured these things out, what shall I do? I don’t know. But I bought a book at Borders yesterday called “Write a book in a month” or something like that. Yes, I said I would stop buying these dumb writing books, but this one looked pretty good and I need some motivation. Hey, if I have to quit my job (or get fired for that matter), that could be a great opportunity to write my book. So I will work on that tonight, but first a shower, than I need to work on my recital songs since the recital is 2 weeks away and I don’t even have the damn songs memorized yet. I think I have my writing group tomorrow too…

Well…first of all, I bought my kayak! My plan for the day was sleeping in, doing some mulching, working a short story for my final writing class… But J wanted to go to the map store and then hit Freeport and I needed to get my sister a present, so I went along. The map store is kinda cool. Delorme is a big map company and they’re based in Yarmouth, which is about 20 miles south of where we live. I drive by it every day on the way to work. They have the biggest rotating globe in the world, or somethign like that. She’s called “Eartha.” Anyway, it’s sort of one of those quaint tourist traps along Route 1, along with the big Indian and god knows what else. I looked around for a birthday present for my other sister (she’s a cartographer and her birthday is coming up soon too) but found nothing. J bought some charts of the bay near our house where we want to go kayaking.

So off to Beans. We’ve been planning on buying kayaks since last summer but were waiting for the “paddlefest” which is an event in June where you can try the different boats out in the water and get 10% off. But we wanted to have an idea of what we wanted so we stopped in at their paddling store. Well.. turns out they had 10% off all boats, 20% off all accessories…that’s huge when you have to buy everything, so we bought everhthing. Actually J didn’t get a kayak since his wasn’t in stock but I got the beautiful Necky Eliza in Lime green. Here she is.

Pretty, huh? : ) I got really stressed out though. But it’s over and she’s home and I’m under budget.

Thursday I finally went to my eye doctor (did I already write about all this?) Basically I’m allergic to my contacts so I have to wear my glasses for the next month. I’m taking 2 different eye drops 4 times a day. They still feel sore but they look a little clearer. I also bought 2 pairs of prescirption glasses..high definition too… Kate Spade.. $1000. What am I doing? But they’re cute.

Weight loss war… not going well. I’m actually up a pound. I feel like I’m covered in a big roll of blubber. But I keep eating and drinking.. J says it’s my writing that causes me to have bad habits. But that’s not true because I hardly ever write. Tonight though I started a short story for my final writing class on Tuesday. 833 words and I have yet to discover a plot. I’m sure it will show itself eventually though. The openeing 2 paragraphs kick ass though… so much potential…

I’m beat. Worked all day yesterday at a kids festival for work. Ha! Yeah, I know.. how did I get that gig? Kid hater that I am. But they were actually wicked cute. The great thing about kids is that the littlest things can make them so happy. So it wasn’t bad and I made $300 in overtime. Carpooled with my boss and that was ok, but he asked me some questions about some issues that are gonig on and I didn’t really want to get into it. But whatever. I tried to be nice but honest.

Other than that, I’m totally broke! But the weather is awesome, the daffodils are blooming so life is fucking grand!

Turn your head. one day I’ll figure that one out.

Oh, so get this. Remember the bird mites from last year? We had a bird’s nest under the porch and when the birdies left in late July, their little mitey mates decided that I was breakfast, lunch, and dinner for them. Then they got in the bed, and all over the house adn I thought I’d go insane. But we did eventually get rid of them. So I get home yesterday and J says to me “I watched the bird build her nest under the porch all day. Because of my new buddhist beliefs I can’t remove the nest, so you should do that tomorrow.” Um, yeah. The bird mites were absolute hell, but I cant’ ruin a bird’s nest. The poor thing slaved away on it all day. : ( So I was basically in tears and stressed out. But this morning I looked online and it is apparently against the law to do anything to a wild bird. yay! I was happy. J said “nobody would ever know” but I’m a law abiding citizen so I’m not touching it. Next year, we will have to really wire off teh  porch so she can’t get back under there. My plan this year is to watch closely and as soon as they are out of the nest, to get it down and as far away from the house as possible. And keep the miticide handy. fun stuff.

So, to recap the day, I went out looking for a birthday present and spent $1700 on kayak supplies. But in the end, I got my sister a cute gingham sleeveless buttom up top from beans and a packet of Stonewall kitchen snickerdoodle mix. At least I’m keeping the money in Maine. Even if it’s all made in china.

And that is the weekly update. I’m sooooo ready for bed right now. It’s 7:25 so I guess I have time for a quick nap before bed~

is like therapy. I don’t know why. It starts the same… I sleep in and then feel totally lost without someone around. I don’t know what to do with myself. So I poop around online, fiddle with the piano, finally realize that I can’t poop around all day and decide to have a shower. Then I get motivated! I’m going to get something done that I could never with J here… like sort out all my clothes… so out come all the clothes from my closet… even the summer ones that were packed up. All the shoes… all the coats… all the handbags… all over my bedroom. I tried everything on. Realized that half my clothes don’t fit. Organized my closet into sections… 1) Clothes I love that make me feel fabulous - note: they are all Anne Klein. hmm. 2) Clothes that appear to fit and will do. 3) Clothes I like but cant’ wear everyday because they’re really distinctive. Then there are the “not quite ready for prime time” clothes that got boxed into boxes for better days (aka days when my ass gets much smaller). Then I got rid of a bunch of stuff… nice stuff that will never look good on me.

I really need to buy some more stuff… stuff that fits, but finances being what they are, I’ll hold off. I was just doing my finances and figuring out my kayak stuff.. what I need to buy. A kayak, a paddle, a pump, a personal flotation device, a paddle float, a spray skirt, and a car rack… it’s about a $2000 endeavor, but I figure once the original investment is made, it doesn’t cost anything after that.

Took a quick walk around the garden today. The snow is probably 60% melted. There are still some snowy spots. But… I found the first weed of spring!!!! yay! Should’ve gone out to take a picture, but I will tomorrrow. Found my daffodils too! I couldn’t remember where I platned them. : ) They’re in the rose garden, which is the only bed that looks good right now. They’re coming up… probably 3 inches or so above ground. Haven’t found many crocuses since that’s the area still covered by snow. Spring is so exciting. It really is. This is what people in California and Florida are missing. The anticipation!

I took a 2 hour nap. Practiced piano. Now I’m waiting for J to call to see how his day went. He’s at a computer conference in Mass. He used to travel all the time, but we would talk every night by phone, and I almost feel like we talked more then, than we do now. Because when your’e together all the time, jsut doing separate things, sometimes we just don’t ever talk. Well you know what they say “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” This is true.

What will I do tomorrow? J won’t be home till the evening. I guess take some photos… practice piano. I think I’ll watch some movies tonight. : ) Solititude is a good thing. Don’t deny it. But it does take some getting used to. I feel like a good week alone would really do my soul some good.