Left work at 4:15 because my boss wasn’t there and I got there at 7:30. My friend D isn’t at work so I was left with two rather annoying, unintelligent coworkers. I know I should be compassionate, but hell, sometimes stupid people piss me off. Or just get on my nerves.
It’s times like this that I realize that most people are good hearted people becuase they don’t want to hear me talk about how the rest of the world are idiots. I’ll assume my dear readers are just as good hearted so I won’t go into my normal diatribe about how two of my coworkers are the dumbest people I have ever wroked with. Lucky you!
So I got home and tackled day 1 of editing my novel! It was fun. Way funner than I thought. I like it! The possibilities are just limitless. I’ve got my characters and a general plot, but now I can think about making them richer and deeper. It’s a little sad, but I’m actually starting to like the fictional world I’ve created way more than the actual life I’m living. And I’m starting to like my heroine more than me. Do you think this is a problem? I say no, because all I’m doing is writing down the fictional better world that has been in my head all along. Which is perhaps one reason why I’ve never been particularly pleased with the real world. But shit, if it’s my “bliss” who can judge me. So maybe I was just meant to be a fiction writer. If I accept that the real world will never live up, then where’s the harm?
I made some lentil soup for lunch tomorrow. For dinner I had 2 martinis, a bag of popcorn, and a carton of yogurt with walnuts. I have my weigh in tomorrow and dont’ have particularly high hopes. Oh well.. and I have been smoking, and even drinking diet coke. So what habit am I working on now, you ask? Um…um… there must be one I’m tackling. I haven’t smoked pot in 10 years. Does that count? A habit conquered is a habit conquered.
I talked to my sister today and realized that I don’t talk to her much anymore. She was mad because me and my parents were speculating about how much money she and her husband made and my dad was stupid enough to tell her that. He also got the figures slightly wrong. I guess being over 70 will do that to you. They make more money than god so I don’t know why she has such a complex. But apparently she still wants to be known as “the poor one” despite the fact that they paid nearly a million dollars for their house (ok, more like $650K or so). hmm…. whatever.
My other sister worries me. She seems rather unstable. So strange for my family…
And me, I’m unhappy and discontent as usual and am waiting for life to do something drastic to me because I don’t have the guts to do it myself.
Well, first of all, I’ve had a rather lovely day, as happens from time to time. I slept in, after having many vivid dreams, as is usual lately. Then I went for an hour long walk, which was probably 4 miles or so. Me and J went together. Lately we do a lot of things together but the last few days he’s been leaving me out of things, and I’ve reacted kind of badly. I mean, honestly, I don’t care if I do everythign alone, but I guess it’s just hurt my feelings. But we went for a walk together and damn, we’re in shape!
Then we visited the in-laws who just got back from a Caribbean cruise. They’re totally into spending their children’s inheritances. They travel a LOT now and I’m happy for them. They should. They deserve it. I asked a lot of questions about cruises because I’m thinking about taking one myself. I’ve never been on a cruise and have listed the pros and cons several times:
Pros
1. You don’t have to pack/unpack a million times, yet you get to go to different places
2. You don’t have that annoying transfer time/hassle from one location to antoher
3. There’s lots of free, cheesy things to do, which I actually kind of dig… the chance to try rock climbing, etc. in a non intimidating environment
4. Free food - takes a lot of the guesswork out of budgeting food
Cons
1. When we were in St. Thomas we came across many many cruise ship patrons and the thought of being stuck on a ship with thousands and thousands of them is rather frightening
2. Bed bugs and norovirus, which are two things I dont’ waste my time worrying about, but I guess I should add them to the list anyway, no?
3. Seasickness?
4. You’re stuck to a set itinerary.
And so you see, they come out even, which always seems to happen with these damn pros and cons. What’s the freaking point anyway? Sigh.. But hey, it’s worth trying once or twice. We’ve decided on twice:
1. We clearly need a short break in late January/mid February to stop ourselves from slitting our wrists in winter despair. So… maybe a short 3 or 4 day caribbean cruise. Probabaly not enough time to go anywhere cool, but enough time to get some Vitamin D and do some rock climbing and maybe go to a new country or so.
2. Mediterranean cruise. The signs have pointed to Greece and possibly Turkey for our next vacation. You know me, I watch for the signs that the universe is trying to show me. Greece it is. We may do some goddess searching, and god searching too. Ruin searching, island searching, beauty searching…whatever. I’d love to go to Istanbul and see the Hagia Sofia for myself. For an atheist I sure have a weird thing about churches. It’s engrained in me. The god/dess gene. It is what it is. I accept it.
And speaking of cruising, I continue to cruise through on my novel. 36, 189 words. I’ll wait for your applause. …….. Thank you. I’m rocking my own world on a daily basis. I’m reading Julia Cameron’s “The Right to Write,” which is just confirming that I am doing absolutely everything right. I’ve also been crankin’ on the piano.. playing some ragtime despite my white girl lack of rhythm. Having fun, loving life, enjoying the sun and the 50 degree temps. Shit… I have absolutely nothing to complain about. But tomorrow is Monday, so I may think of something then, but for now, I am absolutely content with my life.
Tonight, I’m trying to refocus on my priorities. To recap, my priorities this year are 1) writing 2) health and 3) personal relationships. Health I’ve kicked ass on. I’m on weight watchers, I’m exercising about 6 days a week, I quit smoking… writing, not so much. personal relationships, ha! I’ve been so damn grumpy from healthful activities that I’ve been a total bitch.
It’s been kind of a perfect storm of grumpiness, as I’ve told before. Quit smoking, hungry all the time, pms.. now my “female” problems have returned (I was pain free for about 3 weeks) and it just makes me want to cry. Work is weird and I’m irritable. The exercise I think has helped keep my mood ok, especially since I tend to get really bad at this time of year, but now even exercise is making me grumpy. The gym is crowded and I feel like all I ever do is 1) wait in line for a machine 2) work out 3) shower 4) come home, eat, sleep, and do it all over. And even more than that, I’m getting this insane resentment of J. I’m living his life. We carpool according to his timetable (he screams out as I’m half done with my hair and no clothes on “5 minutes!”), we go to the gym when he wants to (everynight)… etc etc.
I’ve always had these two conflicting things about me. An insane need for independence, and a gnawing need to not cause conflict. I talk a tough game about independence, but in reality, I’m so easy to influence it’s just stupid. And then I become bitter even though I have no one but myself to blame for playing someone else’s game. Then comes the lashing out phase. Me and J have been very mean to each other lately. We pretend it’s cool and funny that we’re not all lovey dovey like other couples but can just berate each other constantly. Why be nice when I can call him an asshole and he can call me a bitch and we can not even bother to get mad about it.
Anyway, dirty laundry aired, my point is that I just need to set my own priorities here. As much as it would be nice to work out every night (and never see any results), I have other priorities. I need to write, for one. Despite having a super shitty, anxious day (I smoked one cigarette… my friend D at work keeps my pack of smokes and when I say the magic word (aaaahyhhhhh!) she gives me one…only 2 so far in a MONTH), I had a surge of creative juices on the way home. But I’m also on the verge of tears. God being a woman is an interesting experience.
whaa whaa bitch moan.
I’m sure I’ve written this before, but I have sort of this thing about Venus. When I was 10 I decided I would name my daughter Aphrodite. Something about that name spoke to me. Whe I was in college I bought a print of Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus.” I had taken an art history class and fell in love with Boticelli. Then someone said I looked liked Venus in that painting (holy compliment of my life!) and since then it’s just all venus all the time. Well not really. But now I’m trying to get this novel started and I don’t know where else to start but with Venus. Im rambling. Sorry.
And now my lip starts to pucker and my eyes to start to squeeze shut and I think about all the things that have ever made me feel like crying. Like the men with promise, who I thought would answer to “the love of my body and soul.” And the thoughts that kept me up all night last night till my alarm rang at 6 am and it was still pitch black and I entertained thoughts of it still being about 1:30 in the morning. And all the crap.. and all the lives being lived that I am absolutely no part of it Isn’t it sad to realize you have no bearing on 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 pieces of existence? Even though in your own existence they may be a 99. And oh shit it’s time for just one more glass of wine becuase it’s really all just too goddamn dreadful to even think about rationally.
are really the best invention of mankind. I woke up this morning and had to think…is it Monday? no… Is it Sunday?…noooo it’s only SATURDAY! ahhh, that was a good feeling. It does seem like all I’ve done is clean and eat, but it’s better than the alternative, by far.
Thanksgiving was really nice. I was in a cleaning mood and cleaned all day long. Then I took a moment to thank J for cleaning all the time, because its’ damn hard work! I was exhausted by dinner time. My parents came over around 5…my mom tried to burn the chicken, but I wouldn’t let her. The Corn Maque Choux was fabulous…my mom’s pecan pie was amazing. I made some hot buttered rum and my parents bought some wine and a good time was had by all.
Yesterday, we went to the gym and worked out for an hour. I know…we’re hard core. Nonetheless, I’m portlier than ever. I guess chocolate cream pie trumps 30 minutes on the elliptical. Oh well…I remain unconcerned. Why, you ask?
We’ve been watching a lot of Joseph Campbell (i know this is all I talk about). He says that mythologically the age of maturity is 35. Up till age 35, we’re products of society, but after 35, you pretty much have gotten everything you need from society and start exploring your own path. Then age 45-75 is when you wisdom (I may not have this totally right, but this is the gist of it). Anyway, this was really enlightening for me. I looked in the mirror this morning at my wrinkles and my big beyond and I thought, well this is what maturity looks like. And I’m cool with that. I’d also be cool with a smaller ass, but I suppose with all this exercise I’ve been doing, that will eventually happen.
I have 2 days left to finish my short story. I worked on it a bit this morning and I know I can finish it. Deadlines help me a lot. I’m excited to get this submitted because this is a true milestone for me. The first step was sharing my writing with a group. That took me a long time to get to that point. Now I’m ready for the next stage of rejection. : ) I fully don’t expect to win anything, but I’ve read enough writing stories from other authors to know that rejection is just part of the deal. But each story I write, and I each story I submit, I’m that much closer to one day getting published. I have 6 more months till I’m 35, so I might as well start “following my bliss” now. Life is exciting when you look at it that way. It’s also a lot nicer when I don’t go to work for 4 days. : ) J had the whole week off and he keeps saying that he’s totally ready for retirement. I can’t say I disagree.
Filled the bird feeder up for the first time this season yesterday. It took the birds a day to find it, but now they have. I coudl really sit here all day and watch them. Chickadees, nuthatches… that’s about it. All day long they fly over, 2 or 3 at a time. The cats sit here at the window and do there “here birdy birdy” call. YOu know, the one that sounds like a “meow” got stuck in their throat. J wants to go for a long walk. He’s getting addicted to exercise. I like it too though. We may find ourselves next spring as fit as we’ve ever been and ready for a long kayak expedition.
Yes I AM good at those clever blog titles, aren’t I? I guess that’s why they pay me the big bucks to be a copywriter. hmm.. But let’s not talk about work. What then?
Running… Ok, that’s an exageration…let’s call it wogging… it looks sort of like jogging, but is no faster than walking. But I have moved up on my progress… Now I am wogging for 5 minutes at a time! exciting! Painful! But it did not kill me…so good news. I also did not have a single cigarette today.
The reason I had zero ciggies today… well, I’m freaking otu a little about my health. I’m having some health problems, that I’m sure are minor and will most likely go away on their own, and have absolutely nothing to do wtih my lungs or smoking, but you know.. .once that “fear of mortality” mentality takes hold, all logic is useless. Though I suppose sucking 250 known harmful chemicals into my lungs every 2 hours is probably not totally logical either. I will miss it though. If I can control my stress level at work, I can be successful at this. In the meantime, I know the good product development folks at proctor and gamble can surely invent a non-cancer causing cigarette. I mean, how hard is this? You can invent 200 different types of toothpaste, but not this? IT’s very annoying… I think they’re just unfocused.
I’ve found a writing contest to apply to. Wait, did I already talk about this last night? If so, I’m sorry…The deadline is Dec. 1 and the word limit is 1500. The subject I have decided on: Cheating! Not as in marital/sexual cheating (I don’t think).. .just cheating as a general strategy to get ahead. what do you think?
I think things are looking up. I get sucked into weird things sometimes but once they are out of sight, they are miraculously out of mind. Yay, me! Than god I’m such a simpleton. But I’m still trying to find ways to add some meaning to my life. I think the busier I am, the more people I meet, the better. Maybe it’s just distraction… or maybe it’s putting myself out there in order to expose myself to all that life has to offer (i know.. blah blah blah)… But several people I know have had weird synchronicitous stuff happen to them lately. Where was I going with this? I don’t know…
I really want to buy a mini! And on that note, I’m going to have a shower, get ready for bed, and hopefully fall into a deep and dream filled sleep.
Oh, I finished “how to be good” by Nick Hornby. A little depressing given my current life situation but funny as hell at some points too. Now back to “when god was a woma.”
J bought some krill oil capsules, which are like fish oil capsules, but better. I guess krill are some type of antarctic shrimp…high in Omega 3, dha, etc, etc. I take fish oil sometimes and it makes me dream like crazy. Well, krill oil seems to have the same effect. This is by far the weirdest dream I have had in a long time.
Me, my mom, my dad, and this girl from work, A (not sure how she ended up in my dream, though now that I think about it, she’s been in several dreams I’ve had…weird, let’s analyze that later) and maybe my sisters had gone on a trip of some sort and came back (perhaps from a train trip) and we went to find our car in a city-like place to go home. It wasn’t a super busy city, but just a street where there were some business buildings, parking meters, etc. We walk up to the car and notice that all of our purses are sitting on the roof of the car. Duh! How idiotic! WE left our purses on top of the car all day. (eyes rolling). Then I pull out my wallet and everything is there and I say to my dad “See, this is the great thing about living in Maine. Nobody even stole anything!” My dad walks into a building. Just then, a truck or armored car like vehicle pulls up and a scraggly middled-aged white lady winds down the window and says to me (I’m on the curb side of the car, so she has to say this over the car) “I don’t want to have to shoot you so give me the diamonds. Then I rememeber that there is a bag of uncut diamonds like in a ziplock type bag on top of the car too…a hole big honking bag of them. My first reaction is fuck it, I’m not going to die for diamonds, so I pick the bag up and am about the toss it to her and then I look at my mom and say “Is dad going to kill me if I do this?” and she shrugs as if to say “yes” without actually saying yes. I hold on to the bag, stalling, and I want my dad to come out to tell me what to do. Then I start thinking about it and decide I don’t want him to come out becuase I don’t want him to get shot. Meanwhile, I keep stalling and she waits patiently.
Then, a cop of some sort is standing beside me, but she doesnt’ see him. He has a giant metal arm that he is maneuvering over the armored vehicle, cutting a hole in the top of it. I keep stalling, hoping she odesn’t notice. At this point, I don’t think I can give up the diamonds. I’m sort of frozen. He keeps cutting and then lowers a claw like thing into the vehicle and it wraps around her hand where she’s holding the gun. Then it wraps around her neck and starts strangling her. I’m saved.
Weird, huh? The funny thing was that I felt like I hadn’t even gotten to sleep. I went to bed at 10 and then looked at the clock at 12 and thought, jeez, I’m never going to get to sleep. And then I realized that I had had that dream. Or else I had the dream later and just revised history. Who knows. Anyway, just took today’s dose of krill oil so I can’t wait to see what dreams I have tonight! Assuming I sleep, which is still a problem.
Tonight was jogging night. We’re doing 90 seconds jogging, 2 minutes walking. I’m in rough shape. We do this for 20 minutes and I’m a wheezing mess by the end (actually from the beginning). I know if I stopped smoking I could do better, but I’m not willing to give that up. Besides I only smoke about 5 a day. 8 at the most. That’s not very much, but definitely enough to feel it in my lungs.
Twas a beautiful day. Blue skies, hot, not too humid. Threat of the daily thundershower but none materialized. Our veggie garden is kicking ass. WE have corn!! I’ve never grown corn before so this is super exciting… purple silky fibers are starting to appear. Wow. And the tomatoes have lots of green tomatoes on the vines, and Oh!!! the squash!! I love squash like a baby loves her mama and there are oodles and oodles of squash on the vines. It took forever to flower, but when it did, it flowered like crazy. By the way, squash flowers are very very pretty. As are eggplant flowers. We have a fence, but I’m scared the deer will jump over it. The squash vines (actually everything in teh garden) have gotten HUGE this year. I think it’s all the cow manure we put on. Some of teh squash vines have escaped the fence and I’m afriad the deer will get a taste for it and then be motivated to jump inside. Oh well… I guess worrying about it won’t do any good.
At one point today I had this bad feeling. The feeling you get when you have a weird encounter with someone and feel guilty, or awkward, or ashamed, or bad about yourself. So I went to review the situation in my head so I could make snese of it, and I couldn’t even figure out what the situation was. In other words, I felt bad for no reason. How stupid! And yet knowing nothing happened didn’t help. I could not talk myself into feeling better. It was strange. So then I thought maybe it was something I ate. ? I don’t know.. maybe I’m just kooky.
Having a martini and enjoying the night. There’s really no point worrying about decisions you may never have to make. Tomorrow may come and I will have to make decisions I didn’t see coming, and other options will never materialize, nulling those decisions entirely. I guess I’ll see what life has to offer me (while doing what I can to make sure I get what I want as best I can.)
I am totally swamped at work. Have juicy meaty projects that I’m totally overwhelmed with, but I have decided that I want to win an award. J says that’s a bad goal because I have no control over it. But screw it. I wanna award! So that is my goal.
Still loving A Wild Sheep Chase. Read it! He is wonderful! Next on my list is “When god was a woman” by Merlin Stone. : ) Yes… feeling a touch manic.
I’m starting to wonder if staying home for vacation was a good idea. I’m so tired right now, I might must want to go back to work on Monday. Probably not… but maybe.
Ok, first of all, to all the yuppies/city dwellers out there who think they are being all local and stuff by going to the farmer’s market, I just want to say…YOU’RE PATHETIC! Do you know how local I got today? Well, let me tell you. It all started at the local farmer’s market, which was sort of pathetic too, but we got some swiss chard (new food - cross it off the list!), beet greens (ditto!), cilantro (I felt sorry for the girl, didnt’ really need any), and then some kielbasa from a local butcher. It wasn’t the actual butcher, just some kid (rather cute kid), but he told us where the actual butcher was and we were looking for some fresh chicken, so J says “wanna go find this place?” Now I’ve been with J long enough to know that when he’s in an adventurous mood, I better take advantage of it, so off we go (me driving). So, of course he obviously hadn’t listened to the kid’s directions at all (why are men so bad with directions?), but luckily I have a sonographic memory and never forget anything (not really) so we’re driving, driving, diriving. We pass the road, turn around, get on teh right road, it’s a dirt road. Pass a “Posted” sign. Pass a “No trespassing sign.” Pass a “Beware of dog” sign. J says to turn around. So I start turning around, then I change my mind because I know the kid said “go all the way to the end of the road.” So the road forks off, I go the direction where there is no dog to be wary of and voila, there is a little itty bitty sign that says ” so and so’s meats.” It’s a house. That’s when i say “it’s all you dear” and wait in the car as he goes searching around for the appropriate door to knock on (on a side note… I hate that! Why can’t houses just have one door? I always go to the wrong one and then they act like I’m an idiot for not psychically knowing what door they want me to use).
Anyway, so to recap, I bought meat at someone’s house today. I am soooo ready for the apocolypse. Grocery store shut down? No problem! Then we went to pick our own strawberries. 15 quarts for $24. So fun day boy am I STUFFED!
Overcast and threatening rain all day, kind of cold so I didn’t feel like gardening. J was working on his alien sculpture..er rock garden. I’m definitely going to hell.
I did a lot of cleaning. Cleaned the kitchen 4 times. Cooked in between. Laundry. Tried to get rid of the cat piss smell in the basement pre sister visit. Cooked, cooked, cooked. Got the guest bedroom ready. Tomorrow we may go to Boston. The weather’s supposed to be crappy again. Hope it doesn’t rain all week. Oh! Last night we went to a used book sale. Got a ton of books… A Carl Jung one about symbols, one called myth in literature (or something), a few kurt vonneguts, several mario vargas llosas (oddly enough) - I went through a big latin american writers phase once…he’s a good one. a margaret atwood one - love her. and one about labyrinths. J got about 20 books about religion. I wanted to tell the guy checking us out that we werent’ religious freaks, but then I thought that maybe he really was a religious freak and didnt’ want to offend him. Usually I think it’s best to just keep my mouth shut and let people think what they will.
Have had sort of a change of mindset lately. It’s hard to explain and it may not last anyway, so maybe I shouldnt’ even bother. But it has to do with value. I’ve been thinking about my own value to people, which led me to think of other people’s value to me. It’s an interesting way to think about things because when you do, you sort of realize that there’s no point being around people who dont’ add any value to your life. It’s a simple math equation. I dont’ know what that equation is since I suck at math, but I’m sure someone could tell you what it is. I also think that maybe quitting drinking was a good thing, because sometimes you have to suffer in order to know you have to make some changes. For example, in my early 20s I was a big stoner. A really big stoner. A 175 pound stoner, but that wasn’t really what I was referring to (hey all those munchies make you fat. It’s true!). So not only did I lose weight when I quit (I didnt’ really quit by choice, by the way), but soon thereafter I also finally got out of the dead-end job that I hated with the bile of satan for 2 years. Sometimes I wonder if I would still be at that job if I was still doing my daily bong hit. I don’t know… I’m just saying.
Well, my sister is kicking my ass at the reading challenge, so it’s time I grabbed my book and put this one in the bag.
double income, no kids, that is. Tonight I picked J up (actually he met me at my work and left his car there) then we went to the local audubon headquarters, where they have some trails and stuff, to go for a walk. Then we drove around Falmouth (sort of a ritzish place where people are rude and snobby) and found a little deli to have dinner at. The people were super nice, which is unusual in snobville and I had a salami sandwich and a perrier. They also sold wine there and italian ingredients and stuff. So as we left, J said it cost 20 something dollars!! For 2 freaking sandwiches, a bag of chips and 2 bottled drinks… !! We’re in MAINE. ?? But J is in a big buddhist phase so he said “well whatever, we don’t have kids” then I remembered there was an acronym for that… double income no kids.. dinks!
I feel like people at work must think I’m loaded because all of a sudden I’m spending money like water. Got a $1500 bonus today so my kayak fund is complete! I’m thinking about this one. http://www.llbean.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?storeId=1&catalogId=1&langId=-1&categoryId=49698&sc1=Search&feat=sr Hello, you sexy thang!
And yes, I’m still buying a mini. Change my mind on the color daily but I’m back on a blue kick… with white racing stripes? ahhhh… : ) And then there’s Africa, which I still have not booked. Me and J are getting along better but I have to admit that I checked out the Portland apartment listings just to see if I could afford rent. Is that bad? But I know I couldn’t handle that kind of stress. Breaking up is hard to do. Especially when you’re married, have a house, 2 cats, and no particularly good reason to do it. Then I think to myself, if I wasn’t married what would I be doing right now? PRobably eating dinner by myself, surfing the net, being depresed, getting drunk alone and hating myself. So….
Yeah. Pretty much the same thing as I’m doing now, but with less money and no one to talk to! Isn’t it funny how the older you get it seems the less your friends count. I have friends but I would have absolutely no one to hang out with if I was single. I suppose I would just move back down south (though I would deny that) so at least I could go to my sisters houses for dinner sometimes.
But… I have decided to live each day, day by day, and whatever happens happens. Is that the most redundant sentence ever? Things work themselves out. You know… I feel bad complaining because I’m ecstatically happy a lot. And I think about couples who are miserable together who stay for whatever stupid reason… and people who have multiple scelerosis, etc. etc. and well.. you know where I’m going with this. I guess maybe we all just always feel like we could be happier. Except some days I really don’t feel like that. Some days I’m as happy as I can be.
So fuck it. I’ve been watching Mists of Avalon, which one of my coworkers loaned me after I told her that I really got into things like Renaissance Festivals (remind me not to tell anyone that I like Star Trek). It’s good… very scandalous.. incest and sex and really sexy long haired medieval men. Speaking of sexy men… I haven’t seen many lately. It’s like they all disappeared from work. Makes life a little more boring but luckily I’ve been super busy anyway. Oh.. smoking. So the quitting smoking effort hasn’t been going great. Why did I start again? But I’ve only been having maybe 4 a day… one or two on teh way to work. one or two at luncthime. one or two on teh way home. That’s not too bad.
Getting good use out of my martini glasses. Still bored as hell at night. Need to find something to do. Might even investigate this thing called “TV” (out of pure desperation).
tomorrow can’t already be monday? Is time moving faster than usual? We went to Boston yesterday and spent almost the whole day at the science museum. It was fun. We just looked at and played with the exhibits, went to the planetarium and saw a little movie, and poof the day was gone and we were back in maine. I blew off the xmas party, and it doesn’t sound like I missed too much. Had another party today, which was fine, though I probably won’t work with those people much longer. I feel like I’ve gained 20 pounds in the last week. yuk. I can feel more chins growing by the minute. And yet all I want to do is eat and drink (and be merry).
Watched a charlie brown xmas. There’s not really much of a plot. : ) But I got a great new saying out of. “Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you’re the Charlie Brownest.” I’ve used it on J at least once a day since. He’s a bit of a charlie brown.
Finished “Finding Flow.” It was a little fluffy. Now I’m reading “The power of now” which also seems a bit fluffy. Same basic concepts though.. .living in the moment, finding enjoyment in routine things, etc. which I think is a worthwhile concept.
I have verse 2 of my song written. It really is very therapeutic. I try to find rational explanations for what people do and what they’ve done, but it’s pointless. I can’t even find rational explanations for I myself do. Writing songs sort of makes you be more philosophical about it. And of course there’s always a resolution of some sort at the end. Like “there!” now THAT’S over with.
The only thing I bought yesterday (other than 2 bottles of grey goose at the NH liquor store) was a little dish that has a nautilus shape on it. I’ve decided that the nautilus is my symbol. So I had to buy it. It’s kind of cool. It says it is a “fossil ammonite”. Whatever that is.
Christmas shopping is almost done and 2/3 of my cards are going out tomorrow. Actually I think I’ll finish up my shopping online right now and then work on my book. I’ve been working on it about once a week, which is not as much as I would like, but that’s the way it is.
Working on “Oh Tannenbaum” from charlie brown and love it. Finally something I actually like working on.
me about life (briefly). Went to see the Ellis Marsalis trio tonight. Very cool. Mellow and relaxing. It was nice to watch a group of musicians who are good at what they do, obviously enjoy it, and work well together. It made me think about life in general, how we all have our chance to shine…our solos… but most of the time we’re contributing to something bigger, along with other people, so you might as well enjoy it, let them shine too, and have fun!
Oh! I keep forgetting to write about this. A week ago yesterday I was driving north on 295 from work to my piano lesson and it had been raining and I looked and there was a rainbow, just a vertical line, kind of faint, and I thought, “why do they call them rainbows when have the time they’re basically just lines. They should be called rainlines.” Then I leaned forward in my car to see if I could see more of it and it was a perfect rainbow. It went from the land at one side of the highway to the other, completely unbroken, in a perfect arch over me. Then it brightened and I could literally see every color in the rainbow. It was one of the most incredible things… a total storybook rainbow!
Looking forward to 3 days off. My body’s aching..from the gym, or an impending cold, or too much sitting around, I’m not sure. Went to Bugaboo Creek steakhouse tonight. It wasn’t bad. I’d never been there before so I didn’t break my “new restaurant” rule. When we go out in portland we try to go to a new place every time (or at least somewhere that is new to one of us). Plus, we had a $5 coupon. whoo hoo! I got the meatloaf. I’ve been dragging a bit lately I think because I’ve been eating some pretty heavy food. I might try to cut back a bit this weekend. Well, time for bed!
