Thanks for the fish

dealing with stress. I want a cocktail! No red wine! A goddamn cigarette!!!! ARGHH. I honestly can’t tell if my life has recently gotten really bad or if I just can’t deal with it without my vices. I’ve officially turned to food for comfort…having a smoothie right now. Today was really hard. BUT, the good news is that I now have PMS so I actually have an excuse to be a grumpy bitch.

And now i’ll try to use logic to make me happier. I have a job that pays better than anything else I’ll ever find in this godforsaken state. If I could learn to get along with my coworkers again (which could be a real challenge now that I know them for the bratty, self-centered egotistical twats that they are) and could just accept the fact that I”ll never get any respect or recognition, I’m sure I could learn to be happy there again. Are you convinced? Yeah, me neither, but what’s the option?

Had my writing group tonight and that went well. There is a new woman in it, which is normally something I’d freak out over (I just learned to trust the other 7 of them! Now a new person! Ugh!) but I think she is ok. I would like to do better at giving feedback. I don’t say much except to read what I write. I should be more encouraging. I’ll work on that. They are all very encouraging. Someone said tonight “you have a way of getting into the minds of these young women.” and I said ‘yeah it’s all the same young woman though… a bitter, callous young woman. ” a la me. But it’s sweet that they think it’s fiction.

I read the first chapter in Michael Pollan’s the Botany of Desire. Not only do I absolutely love love love that title, but it’s a really book! The book’s premise is that plants have coevolved with us and that the plants make us do things for them. So they evolve into things that taste sweet, or intoxicate us, or are beautiful, etc. and tap into our base human instincts in order for them to survive. The first chapter is about the apple. Really fascinating stuff… certainly stuff I never knew about apples and I’m a damn gardener. In fact, I planted 2 (pathetic) apple trees in my back yard. Like, for instance, all apples we eat are grafted. You cant’ grow them from seed becuase an apple seed will end up nothing like it’s parent. Apples originated in Kazakhstan and most of them are inedible. Some look like olives, some look like baseballs, some are red, some are dusty, etc. etc. etc. in a gazillion different combinations! And there’s a bunch of stuff about Johnny Appleseed (john chapman) who was actually a real person. A very eccentric real person. And most people only grew apples so they could make hard cider, though it wasn’t called hard because that’s all there was until refrigeration. Packed with info that book is!

The bird mites have me down. I’m not gonna lie. So time to take a shower (2 showers a day is the norm now) and vacuum the bed off and hope for the best. We have house guests coming in 2 weeks and I have a feeling that a bird mite infestation will not be looked upon favorably. Especially with a 17 month old baby.

Sounds like a fun post, huh? I suppose nobody wants to hear more about bird mites. <sniffle sniffle>. They’re back and they’re bad. I have more bites than ever from these filthy mean things. This time I can’t see them as well, but I did find one. On my person. At work. Don’t tell anyone. And I’m purely exhausted since I couldn’t sleep last night, and frankly don’t feel like I’ve had a decent night’s sleep in months. So it all seems worse.

So, I vacuumed the bedroom, took off all the sheets (again) and all the laundry that gets piled up on my rocking chair, turned on the a/c and kicked the cats out. Hopefully with clean sheets and a clean body, I will be able to sleep tonight. If not, there will be vodka involved. And possibly some Tylenol pm’s. Nyquil if absolutely necessary. I am going to sleep. And I am not waking up until the sun is high in the sky tomorrow.  Then I sprayed the porch down with insect killer that’s supposed to work on mites. I hate using that stuff and I feel bad for all the innocent insects that were just minding their business and living their lives. I’m sorry. I truly am.

Work has totally burnt me out. I’ve had this really cool, creative project that I really have a chance to shine on. I’ve been working on it for 2 days and i’m just not happy with it. Not only that, but I”m just not done with it either. And it’s due on Monday. And I think my boss expects a lot. Fuck. If I spent more time actually doing it than fantasizing about how great it was going to be, then maybe I”d be in a better situation. That’s the thing that sucks about things.. you actually have to do them eventually. So I’ll be working this weekend. And I still haven’t even started my freelance stuff that was given to me over a week ago. So that needs to get done too.

D at work invited me to a concert tomorrow night, along with some other people. I didn’t really want to go, but well, you know what they say.. you have to be a friend to have a friend, and all friendships are are shared experiences. It was nice of her to invite me, so I will go. It’s not that I don’t think it will be fun. I’m just pooped. Utterly pooped. Poop poop ee dooped, as betty boop might say. Next is a thorough vacuuming of the office. And I need to get out and run or at least walk to get my 2 days in. I only had one diet coke today. That shit is poison. It’s like crack. I will not let it control me any more. I made this microwave indian dish for “dinner” and it’s freaking burning my mouth it’s so spicey. whaaa. I’m not very happy tonight. 

But… interesting tidbit.. Did you know that studies show that you get more optimistic as you get older? “When shown a series of unpleasant (car accidnets) and cheerful (a pretty sunset) images, people over age 55 paid equal attention to both, while adults under 25 focused more intently on the gloomier shots. As the years go on, you make it through life’s hardships, you gain the freedom to relax, expect good things, and fret less about bad ones.” hmmm. ok. : ) I’ll take it!  Ugh, I need a nap. I must not be old enough yet. It’s not working. 

It’s been a full 36 since I’ve since a bird mite! J refuses to get his hopes up, but I have very high hopes. I slept last night… I’m feeling confident… I still think I feel stuff crawling on me, but I think it’s probably just post traumatic stress disorder or something. I’ve been doing laundry all night and cranking the a/c in the bedroom all day just to be sure. Can’t wait to get the electric bill!  But, I guess it’s cheaper than $600 for an exterminator.

I’m watching Wolf Blitzer and waiting for the story about Michael Vick to come on, just so I can get pissed off and start yelling at the TV. I love football and I used to live in Virginia, so I thought Michael Vick was a good guy (naive, I know). Now this whole dog fighting thing comes out and I realize he’s a total thug. He had absolutely no remorse for senselessly torturing and killing god knows how many dogs. I hate rich people!!! I’m pissed! I did notice that ASPCA very smartly chose to show a very emotional anmial abuse commercial asking for donations. Those marketing people… so smart…always praying on people’s emotions.

Now they’re talking about the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. How awful! My parents live in Minnesota, but nowhere near Minneapolis, and I think they’re in Wisconsin for an outboard motor meet anyway. Fun! AS awful as it was, the news irritates me how it pummels every story to death. Now I’m supposed to be scared to drive over a bridge. I finally got over that fear and I’m trying to get rid of phobias, not add more.

Have I given a movie update lately? We watched Breach (can’t remember if I already talked about that). It was good. I’m very facinated by the whole Hanson spy story. I used to live in a suburb close to where he did in Northern Virginia, and he used to go to a strip club in DC that was just up the street from my very first job out of college. I liked the movie… it did a good job of making him look pathetic and sad while still hating him for what he did to the country.

 J is bugging me to watch another episode of The Office on netflix online. ok, ok. Then we’re watching Crash. 

That’s what those buggers are. I’d be comforted by the knowledge except they sound awful. There are these horror stories all over the internet about them (I know… NEVER self diagnose over the internet!). I called an exterminator and they have apparently had several requests for bird mites extinctions. $600 so J balked at that. Yeah, we can handle it ourselves! Well, I’ll give it a few days and see what happens… keeping everything swiffered, vacuumed, and laundered as best I can. What a damn nightmare. They bite like the dickens. I swear…every week is a freaking crisis. I’m very stressed out. In my mind, I already have us burning our furniture and selling the house to unbeknownst strangers. I’ve turned the a/c on since they aren’t supposed to like dry air. Oh well… 

Went up for cake for C’s birthday. He is so adorable. Then we saw their Wii system. That stuff is cool, but I would think it would be very distracting. I have too many other things to do then be playing video games (especially at my age).I have enough expensive hobbies anyway. Well, guess I’ll take my nightly hot bath and get into my mite infested bed for another fun night of being eaten. 

 

I’ve been a bit of a blob lately, but tonight I got back out for some exercise. Increased my run/walk time to 25 minutes and increased my running distance to 4 laps. It feels so good. And I did my weight lifting. I’m on week 9 and trying hard to keep it a habit. And to round out my perfect evening, I stuck to one glass of wine despite the fact that there’s still half a bottle left. I may yet set a record for the longest a bottle of wine has ever lasted in my refrigerator. I’ve probably said this a milllion times over the last few weeks, but the less I drink, the less I realize I feel a helluva lot better when I don’t. J is very impressed with my moderation (something I’m not really known for).

My house is still infested with mites or something. I think I got them out of the bedroom, but I’m pretty sure I can feel them crawling on me right now… arrgghh.. it’s enough to make me insane. BTW, have you heard of this Morgelons disease? ee-uw. : ( Those poor people…it sounds like a horror movie… creeping crawly feeling all the time, open sores, and then fibers (like thread) come out of their skin. Some people in the medical community refuse to admit it’s a real disease despite the fact that thousands of people have it (mostly in Texas, Florida, and California. 

Anyhoo… I have a weed that it’s my weed garden that I was hoping was the purple loosetrife I planted last year. For weeks now all the purple loosestrife in the state has been blooming…but, I think mine just started! Thistle is blooming too. Weed shmeed, it’s pretty! I’ll take a picture this weekend. I keep meaning to look into these stock photo sites online where you can post your photos and collect commission on them. Not sure if anyone wants pretty pictures of weeds, but you never can tell. People have paid good money for stranger things. 

I feel a little ill. : (~ Maybe indian food, red wine, running, and weight lifting don’t all go together so well.

Work is busy. Writing like a fiend 8 hours a day trying to keep up. It’s fun though. Sales letters are my favorite. : ) The fun part will be when these start mailing and people start calling in with their orders (I hope). It would be nice to see that something I did had a real positive impact…not just on the bottom line, but on people’s health too. I’m lucky that I get to write for a company that offers a good product, has a lot of integrity, and actually cares about their customers.

Fleabombing the office next. Shock and awe continues! Watch out fleas…er..mites..whatever.

My sister is coming the weekend after next. I’m excited. The whole family together gets ugly, but individually they’re all good. She’s probably the coolest one, but can get a touch moody sometimes. My plan to combat that is to 1) not be irritating (wha?… me?) and 2) keep her really busy! So far I have planned: a trip to an island to find sea glass, a party on sebago lake, a kayaking trip, a trip to the eagle’s nest, dinner at the indian restaurant… well, she’s only here for 2 days. : ) Maybe she’ll love it and decide to move here.