Thanks for the fish

if nothing else. There was a time when summer meant slimming down. No more meat and potatoes… fresh strawberries, lettuce, cukes, tomatoes. Well that’s still what it means, sans the slimming down. But fuck it. I don’t care anymore. We’re galloping through nature’s abundance and I refuse to think about calories.

Our CSA has delivered us broccoli raab. I’m going to make  brocolli rabe and cannelini beans on garlic toasts . It’s also delivered us mesclun mix, lettuce mix, radishes, green onions (though they call them scallions). Also, spinach, which we already ate. I admit it’s a challenge to eat all this food, but it’s a challenge I’m up for!

Unfortunately, we also have lettuce in the garden getting very big and tall. I eat wraps, I eat salads, I stuff as much lettuce into my body as I can, and still, there is more leftover. But abundance is a good thing, which I will not complain about.

It’s raining here and I’m glad. The garden needs it. The corn has sprouted sporadically. I need to go and throw more seeds at it. Tomatoes are flowering. Squash is looking good. J’s dad planted onions and potatoes…more than they’ll need so I’m sure I’ll get some extras. : ) I just freaking LOVE summertime in Maine. It’s manic manic  manic overabundanceness! My flowers are exploding. The weeds are exploding even more. I have big mulching plans. I have big writing plans, I have big reading plans, I have big basement-finishing plans. But mostly I have big dinner plans:

Parmesan baked haddock
The above mentioned broccoli rabe recipe
rosemary bread
wine
salad!

We went kayaking yesterday with J’s friend R. It was fun. Beautiful, perfect day! R talks a lot. A LOT. But he’s pretty easy to get along with. Self-aware, self-effacing, flakily just himself. Me and J… we’re pretty quiet. I can jabber on a bit when I have a drink or two in me (like now), but mostly we like to float along in silence. But it was nice. We went out to “our island.” I got a bit of a sunburn. It was a much needed respite after my shitty week of being sick and stressed and overwhelmed at work. Today it rained. So even though I planned on getting my 2 new raised beds up, I had to sit around and read, agonize about my book, and drink red wine. We went out shopping, to get father’s day presents and b-day presents for my friend D. People were universally irritating me. I have pms and am in a mood and I hate, hate, hate people. Women over 20 wearing pigtails and camo pants, kids, kids, kids, parents, parents, parents, adults, adults, adults. No matter what they were doing, they were getting on my nerves. I’m juding people based on class (whether richer than me or poorer than me) and finding every excuse imaginable to not like people.

Then I got home and relaxed. J bought lots of books at borders and I realized I am blessed to be married to a wonderful, curious, intelligent man who thinks talking on a cell phone during a kayak trip is in bad taste!

Oh! So I had my piano recital Total disaster! I completely forgot a song I have worked on for over a year! I started it 3 times, then finally got up and said “Can I grab my music?” in front of 200+ people. Granted the other performers were for the most part 8 years old. Still, I felt like the mother hen and that I should at least set a good example. But afterwards an older man, who I assume was a father came up to me and said “Thank you for being here. It’s good for the children to see an adult doing this.” I was the only adult in the recital and it made me think, yes. It’s good for the kids to see that you can do something and not be perfect at it. We’re all not great at performances. Life is a continuous learning. So yes, my failure is there gain! But it was still slightly depressing! Oh well!

Mrs. Robin is nesting on her eggs. I saw a bald eagle at my house! Flying by my window. Then yesterday kayaking TONS of bald eagle sightings. sigh…

Enough random thoughts… time to tend to my homemade yogurt, my haddock, and my broccoli raab.

mind. Not that they are weird. It’s just weird that they are on my mind.

Twice I walked out of the office today with the exact same thought coming out of my mouth…”Wow, that was  total synchronicity!” I”m back on my synchronicity kick. I’ve been reading my “power of coincidence” book again and just like the last time I read it, now I’m seeing synchronicity everywhere. Plus, we watched a movie last night called “The air I breathe” or something like that with brendan frasier and forrest whitaker and that was all about synchronicity. Plus, I’m making that a theme in the book I’m still attempting to write.

Anyway, I have to start writing this stuff down. I already forgot what the first one was about, but this is the second one. I get my teeth cleaned in South Portland by a very nice dental hygienist named Sonya. She is from Bosnia (I think…or Croatia… I hate to admit but I really don’t know the difference). She’s very sweet and I can tell she is a little sad. She had a life over there and she moved here and now she’s a dental hygienist. I’m sure she’s making ok money, especially for Maine, but god… how hard would it be to move from your home country and settle in Maine? I mean, I love it here, but it would be sort of like moving from Kansas and going to Siberia (I guess)…and she has a husband and a baby and she talked her parents into coming over. I forget the whole story because it was told to me months and months ago, but the gist is that they are well-educated people who had good jobs in Bosnia(Croatia?) and they don’t speak english. They moved here and the only job they could get, while they study english, is as cleaning people. Somehow we realized that they work in the very office I work in. Which is very odd because it’s not like I work in a high rise. My company owns the whole building, so it’s pretty coincidental.

So at first I thought she was wrong…she was just saying “Yeah that must be the place they work” because it’s on that street - a major street in Portland. Then I started to notice the cleaning crew. Yes, there was an older couple who looked foreign (how do I know? I dunno). Well, months pass… I notice this all in passing. Then I start thinking about them. I see them more often. Last night I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about them. Well, that’s the end of the story. There’s nothing else, but it’s like I want to help them. Or be kind to them. I saw the wife last night and she smiled at me and I just want to… I don’t know! I feel for them.

So that was a stupid story. I was really mad at a coworker on Monday. By Tuesday afternoon I was trying to be civil. By this morning, I was being quite nice, if reserved. then I found out his father’s cancer is back and will probably die. I was glad I wasn’t still being a bitch to him.

My posts make no sense anymore. I am sorry! Well it’s 8:15 and I have piano tomorrow and it’s been ugly lately. I’ll put in a solid half hour and then I’m sketching out my scenes for my novel. Here’s my one sentence synopsis. Don’t steal it:

A greeting card writer accidentally burns down her house and decides to turn platitudes on the page to passion in her life.

What do you think?

in Maine and spring in Maine:

Winter - have shitty day at work, come home, get drunk, go to bed.

Spring - have shitty day at work, have glass of wine, do million things that need to be done that you actually enjoy, go for walk, go to bed forgetting why day at work was so shitty.

It’s 6:39 pm. I’ve had a giant delicious salad, a few glasses of wine, and a filet of haddock for dinner. The sun will not go down for 1 more hour so I have 20 minutes to get the window screens out of the shed and bring them inside, water my raised bed, window boxes, and seedlings in the basement, get my tennies on and go for a half hour walk. Then, put the screens in, write the “working outline” for Act 1 of my novel, and do some writing. I should practice piano for my June recital but I already accept the fact that that will not happen.

Things are popping in the garden. I have daffodils everywhere. Weeds are coming up…lots of things are coming up! I’ve nixed my patio and the herb garden for this year (my two big projects). I want to finish edging all my beds with inlaid bricks. I want to rip out my whipped on rhodos and my dying holly. I want my front beds to start looking good. So  yet again, I abandon the patio and decide to go for the “maintenance” route one more year. I know eventually my garden will look fabulous and take care of itself. It’s just not quite there yet.. But damn it makes me happy anyway.

Work fucking blows and that’s all I’ll say about that.

17 minutes left to finish my glass of wine and do items listed above. Chug, chug, chug!

Why? Well, there are many reasons (I used “many” because J thinks “a lot” isn’t acceptable. I disagree, but I’m also very persuadable, so I’ll give “many” a try, just this once.)

First - I lost weight at WW, even though I have been very remiss in counting my points, have drunk oodles of wine, and have lapsed on my exercise program (I’m down to about 3 days a week, which is probably more realistic). I now only have 6.6 pounds left to get to my goal and 5 weeks left of this session of ww. that’s only 1.3 pounds a week. And given the fact that I’m losing without even trying, now that I’m back on track and putting in the effort, that shoudl be a piece of… er… a..you know, easy. I’ve lost 6.8 pounds total, but I dont’ really feel any thinner. I’ll feel better when I officially get under 150. 1.7 pounds to go.

Second  - I’m on day 7 of writing for an hour a day (I started 2 days early). It does take sacrifice. In fact, it pretty much eliminates anything else from happening during the evening. I mean, there’s only so much time after work. After I grab dinner, it’s 7:30. I write till 8:30, and shit, I go to bed around 9 (though lately it’s turned into more like 10). J seems a little miffed. Sometimes he talks to me and I have to remind him that I have to write uninterrupted. Then he wants to watch a movie. Overall, he’s been supportive though. I give him kudos.

Third - What was third? hmm….. I can’t remember, though I’m pretty sure there was a third thing. Oh! I bought some cool new piano books tonight. Some Jazz and one called “Simple Gifts” which is one I know and love. It’s an appalachian melody. : ) Well, on that note, I’m pretty tired and want to try out some tunes before I go to bed, so I guess that is all for now.

I take it seriously. All week long, J has been saying “I’m soooo sleeping in on Saturday…I can’t WAIT to sleep in..” blah blah blah, to which I replied “yeah, yeah, yeah!” since I am a big fan of sleeping in. So lo and behold, I roll over at 6:30 this morning and what is sleeping next to me? Nothing and no one. 10 minutes later, I hear the lawn mower, which normally doesn’t bother me, but seemed extra loud this morning. So, just for the principle of it, I did not get out of bed until 9. I even laid there wide awake for 10 whole minutes, just to prove my point.

My mind has been super active at night. Ok, I hate to admit this, but I went to bed at 8:30 again last night (I’m so tired!) and even though I didn’t sleep the whole entire time I was in bed, I would venture to say that I slept for at least 10 hours, and still this morning I was having dreams. Do you think that’s good or bad? I tend to think it’s good, but I’m not sure.

Anyway, once I got up, I was on a mission to get things done. Not a “ohmigod, I have a million things to do” kind of panic, but a singleminded determination to be productive, one task at a time. However, instead of getting lots of stuff done, I feel like I have done nothing other than slave over a stove all day. This is what I made:

A guacamole, cuke, and tomato sandwich….cucumber yogurt sauce for future wraps (yes, we have an abundance of cukes and tomatoes right now)… home made crab cakes… swiss chard, sweet potato, potato thingy with honey mustard glaze… and for the grand finale (oven just dinged!) blueberry buckle with fresh maine blueberries from hannaford. This is my life - I’m totally psyched that I found native blueberries at the grocery store, so I bought 5 cartons at $6.99 a piece to freeze. Must check on buckle… (it’s like a coffee cake… never made before)… hmm… I don’t know if it’s done. I’ll be like my mother and leave it in “5 more minutes” and end up burning it to a crisp. : )

But I guess I didn’t cook all day because I also managed to make it to freeport and spend $215 at the Anne Klein outlet. It’s really the only place I shop lately. I bought 2 shirts that are exactly like a shirt I already own, but in different colors. And an kick-ass suit. I’m ready for fall! Now I just need to get some dry cleaning done. Despite the fact that there are no cute boys left in my office (sob!!) I refuse to start dressing slumpily. In fact, I will dress better than ever just to prove a point.

Let’s see… what else? Well, work is sort of interesting lately. Very stressful. I sort of don’t know what I’m doing for half of my projects. The rest of my projects are going swimmingly. There is some general discontent going around, and I’m not very happy (mostly because of the lack of cute boys). But it’s probably for teh best because there are less distractions.

Piano… working on some Charlie Brown songs, which I love. I keep showing up to my lesson with no books, and then we have nothing to do but shop for new books. At this point, I have about 20 books that I’ve never even played anything from. So no new books!

Oh! Want to talk about garden pests/house pests:
1) I hate ants. They got into my smart start cereal and I had to throw the whole bag away. Nothing is more depressing to me than wasted food (really). And I was looking forward to my smart start too. On a related note: I have been spending a shitload at the grocery store lately. Help!

2) Tomato caterpillars… have you seen these. They are totally disgusting, giant green, horny things that get on the tomatoes and ruin them. They take a little bite out of them and then eat the leaves. One night, we took about 20 off of our 16 or so plants. Nonetheless, we still have more than enough tomatoes. I bought an eggplant at hannaford, and a local one from teh farmer’s market this morning, so tomorrow I’m going to make eggplant parmigian (shit, I don’t have any parmigan cheese…so yet another trip to hannaford tomorrow).

3) Japanese beetles. Hate em.

I guess that’s all. Tomorrow, I really need to paint the bathroom, and we have another kayak trip planned. I think I’ve converted J over to “quiet water” paddling! Yay! I like going on the ocean, but I’m really more of a quiet, peaceful kind of person.

Random thoughts lightning round: I overdrew my bank account today. I think Biden is a sucky pick for VP. Yeah, an old white guy..original! I’m totally disgusted, depressed, and another adjective that we dont’ even have a woman (yet) running at least for vp. It makes me want to vomit.

And on that note, it’s time for blueberry buckle.

I’ve been playing “Your Cheatin’ Heart” by Hank Williams on the piano. It’s in my new book (an easy version) and I also have a version from my father in law’s mother from 1957 or something like that. The original sheet music. so I’ve been trying both of them. So, since my lesson is tomorrow and I’ve been a total failure at piano for the last oh, year, I thought I should actually practice. And even with a very easy song like that, I suck. But anyway… back to my point… so I get back to my computer and find an email I sent to myself from work today, with a short story that begins “Cheating is a strategy, not a philosophy.” Wow… so I guess cheating is on my mind.

On that topic, there are cheaters everywhere. But where is the line between “making connections, playing it smart” and cheating? Look at Dick Cheney, Enron, all that crap. These are rich people, smart people, well respected people…cheating people every day of their lives. It’s a strategy that some people feel comfortable using, and others don’t. I have to admit, that as morally loose as I think I am, I have this weird strand of integrity and honesty bred into me somehow. I’m just not a cheater. I don’t necessarily care if other people do it. I even understand why other people do it. But, for me, just because I know my own annoying conscience, I generally can’t get up the nerve to do it. And it’s not even because I’m afraid of being caught.

Well, anyway, on that note, I make no pretensions to be a great person, because J got this book from bookmooch called “The Book of Questions.” I guess it’s supposed to be something to spur discussion or whatever. So I did a few of them and I think J was a little surprised at my answers…just goes to show you that you don’t really know anyone till you start asking questions. Here are a few examples and painfully morally loose answers (or not, I’ll do it randomly):

#63: Assume there was a technological breakthrough that would allow people to travel as easily and cheaply between continents as between nearby cities. Unfortunately, there would also be 100,000 deaths a year from the device. Would you try to prevent its use?

No. Though I’m not sure I would use it!

#114: Would you be willling to reduce your life expectancy by five years to become extremely attractive?

hmm… don’t know.I would certainly consider it.

#117: Have you ever considered suicide? What is so important to you that without it life would not be worth living?

Yikes! Who wrote these questions?? No, I have never considered it. I’m way too afraid of death for that. There have been times where I’ve been so depressed that I think I might not care if I died, though. I can’t think of anything so important that life wouldn’t be worth living if I lost it.

One more…

ha! #110… If you were having difficulty on an important test and could safely cheat by looking at someone else’s paper, would you do so?

I might LOOK, but who says that person would be right?? Which just makes the decision even harder. doh!

Oh, by the way, work SUCKS and I’m stressed out and am OFF the wagon in every meaning of that phrase.

This has been the longest week in history. Part of it was that I didn’t really get a relaxing weekend last weekend and spent it with work people so it essentially felt like work, just without a computer. I’ve been so tired this week…trying to catch up from sleep deficit. The other part of it is that I have been swamped at work and haven’t been handling the stress very well. Today I snapped at gay-guy-coworker who is driving me absolutely nuts. First, he has a tendency to do all the fun parts of my job himself. Second, he bothers me every 5 minutes with stupid questions I could care less about. And he is incapable of making a decision (a noncreative decision) by himself. Such as “Should I add a period here. So and so said I should.” The so and so is usually someone like the director of marketing or vp of marketing who when they tell you they want a period, you add a f*cking period whether it’s right or not. He doesn’t need my permission. Meanwhile, I’m trying to get things written and when he interupts me, it breaks my concentration. So finally I told him to make a decision himself and stop bothering me! Of course then I had to apologize later on. Hate that!

Saw my cutie patootie grocery store cashier tonight. : ) I know I said I was going to stop, but for gods sake, can’t I have an innocent crush? Pleaaasseeee? I know he is 15 years younger than me blah blah blah, but he’s just so cute. J was with me and knows about my crush. Then he made fun of my giggling. How rude.

I’m getting my hair cut in the morning! I’m very excited. I’ve been growing it out for a year or so and now I realize I look like a hideous hippie from hell and am dead set on cutting it all off! Probably won’t go too short because I have one of those shrunken heads (like in the movie beetlejuice) so I need some volume up top. This is one I’m thinking of:

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://soapoperadigest.com/InWeekly/KirstenStormsL2007.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.soapoperadigest.com/InWeekly/hotheadlines/&h=216&w=168&sz=53&hl=en&start=23&um=1&tbnid=7BFAsLVVG_oDDM:&tbnh=107&tbnw=83&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dkirsten%2Bstorms%26start%3D18%26ndsp%3D18%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN

Tried a new japanese restaurant in freeport and liked it. I get the very americanly unhealthy dish known fondly as “Vegetable Tempura” translated into english that’s “deep fried vegetables” yum. J got sushi…he’s so adventurous.

And one last random thought. Got pulled over by a cop a few days ago and he didn’t even give me a ticket! Yay me! That never happens. It never happens because it’s impossible for me to be nice and charming in those situations (or actually pretty much any situation). But I did look like I was on the verge of tears, so I think that helped. I think they like it when they can evoke an emotional response from the sheer power of the law.

Ok, one more random thought. I have a “make-up recital” since I didn’t get to play in the last one. I am going to play Cider House Rules, which will ential me actually having to practice and then memorizing it. But it’s a pretty song.

night in the summer… how can you not be happy? I can’t deny that work was a little annoying, but hey… no hard feelings till Monday morning.

First - let’s go through the list. Tried a new restaurant as part of #26. An Indian place..not bad. AND I even tried a new and different dish… something with potato and spinach. It was good. Not very crowded. Actually we were the only ones in there. The dish I made last night was deeeee-licious! I’ve found a labyrinth to walk (scheduled for thursday), and have signed up to donate blood on Wednesday at lunchtime (maybe not the best idea, but oh well). Also bought a new kind of melon at the store called a pepino or something like that… supposed to taste like a banana/pear. So, doing pretty good!

Sad about Tim Russert. : ( He seemed like a good guy. A few months ago (or last year? Xmas?) when I went to VA and my sisters picked me up at the airport, they saw him in the pickup lane too. On crutches. I didn’t see him myself.. so I guess that turned it into a non-sighting.. not too exciting.

My piano teacher gave me a new song to work on called “Prelude to the dance” . she’s been trying to push this one on me for a while. I think it’s some christian thing but I’m not sure. I also asked them to order the Cider House Rules music for me. I’m really tired of playing music I don’t like!

Decided while we were walking around Portland that I want to move to Portland. Then, we drove around our town looking for a place to put kayaks in tomorrow and then I decided that I want to live on the river where it’s sunny and farmlandy and pretty. Then I got home and decided I like it here. I guess I’d ideally liek to have a place in all of those places, but then i’d be stressed out about the upkeep. Yeah… so we’re planning on all day boat trip tomorrow.

My parents stayed with me last night, bringing up another load from MN. they’re making the final trip to their new home in ME in a few weeks. I think they’re excited. The brought me some plants… some lamb’s ear, some poppies, a dianthus, hens n chicks, something else… hypernicum?? I don’t know. A peony. So I need to get those planted this weekend too. But right now I’m sleepy and feel like laying around daydreaming. It’s the only vice I have left I’m such a damn goody goody. That and eating. So what the hell… to the couch!

Awww…..

I don’t think my garden has ever looked better! Of course, it’s only June and the weeds coudl still take over, but everything looks lush and full. The things I planted the first year in the house (3 years ago…4 years ago?) are finally looking awesome and even things I planted last year look great. The climbing hydrangea has doubled in size. The first picture above is of an iris that is almost black it’s such a dark purple. I have 3 or 4 of them and I’ve never seen them before! I’m guessing they’ve just never bloomed before. I have a ton of them, so it’s possible I never noticed.

One of my cranesbill’s reseeded itself in the bed by my office window and one of them seems to have turned from purple to white…? Very odd.

I haven’t gotten much exercise today so I made J go out for a walk with me tonight. There was a severe thunderstorm watch and we watched the storm roll in as we walked. It’s nice to walk beofre  a thunderstorm, when it’s calm and dark, but a comforting kind of dark. The storm never did hit us but it did get really cool (thank god) and windy. A lady in a minivan stopped us looking for her dog. : ( We didn’t see him but I’ve been keeping an eye out for him all night. Nothing sucks worse than losing your pet.

My recital was last night but 2 songs before I was up, the fire alarm went off. We evacuated, the fire dept. finally showed up, we waited outside for 45 minutes and finally my teacher sent us all home… oh well. I was disappointed, but I never liked that damn song anyway. She said she would reschedule, but I’m done. Time to move on. Someone at the recital played a song from Phantom of the Opera that I think I’ll download the sheet music to now… so pretty.

Finally crossed one thing off my 101 list… went to a new car place. It was just Sears at the mall, but for some reason, car stuff always intimidates me. I just needed an inspection and it’s dumb to get intimdated, especially since everyone has to get one done… but it’s just one of those things. But it was easy and I squeezed a trip to Banana Republic in too and spent the rest of the gift card my sister got me for my birthday. Bought a black t-shirt.

Still suffering from sunburn. I even got burnt on the top of my head….that’s a new one. Hurt like hell blow drying my hair this morning. My shoulders are charred too. Ouchy.

My coworker went to a conference and went to a session called “can’t we all get along” where they analyze your personality and show you how to get along with people. She was classified as “dominant” so now we call her “meanie.” So she analyzed us and she pegged me as an “S” for “steadiness”. J would get a kick out of that. But she said I was reliable, predictable, loyal, dependable, consistent… so I’ve dubbed myself “the rock.” ha! I’m actually kind of flattered by it, even though those aren’t the adjectives I would necessarily choose for myself. But for work, that’s not so bad. Oh, and a good listener. : )

*Important news bulletin*
Hillary wears pant suits! And sometimes they are yellow! Don’t you know that yellow pant suits can seriously impede the successful running of a country! Oh, and she’s a bitch too, with a shrill voice. (and she doesnt’ have a penis). Oh, and she’s not super model attractive either. And kind of old and wrinkly. Just thought you should know.

Anyhoo, so I got a few things crossed off my garden list. 5 things to be precise. Here are some pictures.

There we go… basically I got all the clover out of this area, which was intermingled with all the periwinkle and then I mulched the hell out of it. I have no doubt the clover will come back, but what can I do? mulch, mulch, and mulch some more. There’s my non-flowering flowering dogwood. Had it 3 years… 4 years? and the damn thing has never bloomed. Oh well. Would like to buy a buckeye.

Started on my book. whoo hoo! Was supposed to write 11 pages, but only got one done. But I’ve started and that’s all that matters. I’ve been working on my piano song, but I don’t feel like I’m making a helluva lot of progress. It sounds rough. So basically, today was super lovely, but made my head hurt. Everything makes my head hurt lately. But maybe that’s a good sign…maybe that means synapses are forming or something. : )

Went up to J & Js to see J’s crazy aunt and uncle from baltimore. Still crazy. : ) and I got a super duper out of the deal. Now I’m making a frozen pizza. I’ve been eating a bunch of crap lately. Oh well… Back to work tomorrow. : ( 2 day weekends really aren’t enough. But I’m determined to be productive and fabulous at work from now on.

One more picture from teh garden:

Wild iris along my driveway. I think this is what they call “blue flag” but I’m not 100% sure. But I know I didn’t plant it. My other irises are flowering too. gorgeous! I love irises.