Thanks for the fish

mind. Not that they are weird. It’s just weird that they are on my mind.

Twice I walked out of the office today with the exact same thought coming out of my mouth…”Wow, that was  total synchronicity!” I”m back on my synchronicity kick. I’ve been reading my “power of coincidence” book again and just like the last time I read it, now I’m seeing synchronicity everywhere. Plus, we watched a movie last night called “The air I breathe” or something like that with brendan frasier and forrest whitaker and that was all about synchronicity. Plus, I’m making that a theme in the book I’m still attempting to write.

Anyway, I have to start writing this stuff down. I already forgot what the first one was about, but this is the second one. I get my teeth cleaned in South Portland by a very nice dental hygienist named Sonya. She is from Bosnia (I think…or Croatia… I hate to admit but I really don’t know the difference). She’s very sweet and I can tell she is a little sad. She had a life over there and she moved here and now she’s a dental hygienist. I’m sure she’s making ok money, especially for Maine, but god… how hard would it be to move from your home country and settle in Maine? I mean, I love it here, but it would be sort of like moving from Kansas and going to Siberia (I guess)…and she has a husband and a baby and she talked her parents into coming over. I forget the whole story because it was told to me months and months ago, but the gist is that they are well-educated people who had good jobs in Bosnia(Croatia?) and they don’t speak english. They moved here and the only job they could get, while they study english, is as cleaning people. Somehow we realized that they work in the very office I work in. Which is very odd because it’s not like I work in a high rise. My company owns the whole building, so it’s pretty coincidental.

So at first I thought she was wrong…she was just saying “Yeah that must be the place they work” because it’s on that street - a major street in Portland. Then I started to notice the cleaning crew. Yes, there was an older couple who looked foreign (how do I know? I dunno). Well, months pass… I notice this all in passing. Then I start thinking about them. I see them more often. Last night I couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about them. Well, that’s the end of the story. There’s nothing else, but it’s like I want to help them. Or be kind to them. I saw the wife last night and she smiled at me and I just want to… I don’t know! I feel for them.

So that was a stupid story. I was really mad at a coworker on Monday. By Tuesday afternoon I was trying to be civil. By this morning, I was being quite nice, if reserved. then I found out his father’s cancer is back and will probably die. I was glad I wasn’t still being a bitch to him.

My posts make no sense anymore. I am sorry! Well it’s 8:15 and I have piano tomorrow and it’s been ugly lately. I’ll put in a solid half hour and then I’m sketching out my scenes for my novel. Here’s my one sentence synopsis. Don’t steal it:

A greeting card writer accidentally burns down her house and decides to turn platitudes on the page to passion in her life.

What do you think?

Yes, for the short attention span sufferers like me, there is that ever elusive flow… when you lose track of time doing something that engrosses you. I have plenty of interests and I don’t think of myself as a passive participant in life, but flow eludes me most of the time. Even when I’m doing something I really enjoy, I look at my watch and say “good! I’ve been doing this for an hour (or half an hour) time to stop and relax! Mission accomplished! I just don’t like doing anything for too long. Day long excursions freak me out. Folding laundry all at one time freaks me out. Basically, I hate to commit. That’s what it comes down to. I don’t like to feel obligated and I don’t like to commit too much time to anything.

(long time lapse..talking to my friend J who I haven’t talked with forever!) Anyhooo… so I have found some flow lately, mostly with kayaking. 35 minutes felt like 5 on Sunday when we were out there. Something about paddling and focusing on each stroke…i suppose it’s something like meditation. Gardening does that for me sometimes too, but I have to force it a little more. I do a little and want to give up (because it’s hard work!) but I tell myself, just a little longer, and then eventually I really do lose track of time. anyway, it’s a good thing. I hope to cultivate more flow in my life.

Ok, next subject…themes for my novel. What do you think? We watched Cider House Rules last night and I was dissecting the story. The recurring theme in that movie was “sometimes you have to break the rules… when the rules dont’ make sense or don’t apply to you.” that’s an interesting theme.. i like it. So, rather than just thinking of random themes, I’ve been trying to think of what’s really important to me, because I do get passionate about some things. Maybe something about integrity vs. greed. Or earning what you have… or only appreciating things you feel like you really deserve. Then tehre’s synchronicity… how life gives you what you need. Living in the present - appreciating what you have. One in the hand is worth 2 in teh bush????? I don’t know! This novel wirting is too much work.

Oh! I had a vivid dream last night…crap, what was it. Crap, I don’t remember.

Had a synchronicitous moment re: Warren Beatty….weird.

Well, I guess that’s all for tonight, unless I remember my dream.

are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I’ve searched the world over and thought I found true love….

Remember that one? My husband is awol. He came home at 3 am, was sleeping when I left, now tells me he won’t be home till 1 am. I wouldn’t mind so much but now I’m used to him being around and I can’t sleep without him. I’m so tired. 

I meditated tonight. I should exercise but I just don’t have the energy. Was at a conference all day and it was pretty interesting. Mostly about email and web marketing, which I used to do a ton of at my last job but we don’t do anything like that at my current job. So now I’m meeting with my boss to talk about all the cool things I want to do. I love my job, but sometimes I put a lot of effort into stuff that goes nowhere. We are a very innovative company and we do absolutely nothing to drive people to our website and no email marketing at all. It’s frustrating sometimes. Oh well… I can try. The cool thing about my last job was that I would suggest something and my boss basically said “yeah! Great! Go do that! Spend whatever you have to.” So that was cool. And I learned a lot.  For some odd reason no one where I work now is really into technology.

I got some books I ordered. Animal Wisdom, which I already love love love. Here’s what it says about the owl…”If owl on strong majestic wings has flown into your world, she knows that the time has come for you to seek that which is hidden. Arcane knowledge deep within the ageless traditions of white magic will now reveal itself if you quiet your mind and take the time to explore the mysteries beyond with a guide or those who have the same mystical goals. The web connecting the world and the universe to planes we cannot even see will become clear and imbue your life with intense meaning.”

That’s interesting. That’s actually exactly how Jung describes synchronicity… a separate psychic plane that is connected to reality and has meaning. Neato! Plus, I got my Wicca for One book. Haven’t looked at that yet but I’m thinking I may go curl up on the couch and just relax and read tonight. You know, I really should just get a damn library card. sheesh. I’ve got a lot of damn books.

Haven’t had a drink since Saturday. Did have 2 diet cokes today, but only because I was afraid I’d fall asleep at the conference. : )  

go to work tomorrow. This weekend has been awesome. The weather is perfect and I feel like I’m vacation. Just at home. I’ve been productive, gotten lots of sleep (Yeah, 6 am is going to be harsh and unforgiving tomorrow)… sigh… is summer really over? I’m even packing away my summer clothes. Half of which never fit me anyway.

My poor dad.. the whole time he was here he was complaining that he wasn’t feeling well, then went to the ER, etc. etc. I still thought he was just..you know… old. Turns out he has an advanced form of Lyme disease. Sorry dad! I wonder if they have T-shirts that say “Just because I’m a hypochondriac doesn’t mean I’m not sick”. Ha! Wait, let me check..  No.. darn. Maybe he wouldn’t appreciate that anyway. : ) lol… I kill me. No, but really, I feel bad for him. 3 weeks of antibiotics. ugh. 

I got this cool mindmapping software called mindapp. J has looked into all of them and he says this is the best one. It’s only $30 and I just downloaded the free trial for now. i’m mapping out what my book is going to be about. I thought it would help brainstorm, but I have a hard time committing silly ideas to type. I think it’s better for me to scribble on paper and then just throw it away. But it has been useful in getting all the thigns I’ve decided on on paper. Like my characters and their motivations, possible settings. And it made me realize that I have a lot more planned than I had thought. Still need a pesky plot though. grrr… They’re a dime a dozen right? Someone throw me a bone.

I finished Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist in a single sitting last night. What a lovely book. It was the perfect example in a story form of all the stuff I’ve been reading about and yammering about. Loved it! Very inspiring. The premise is bascially to follow your dreams, listen to your heart, listen to the omens, and you’ll reach your destiny. All the people you meet are helping you and all your hardships are helping you along… blah blah blah. Good stuff! I’d like to sort of carry that theme into my book, but more veiled and vague. It’s always more fun that way.

I dyed my hair brown again. I can’t decide whether to do lighter highlights. I kind of like it as is. It’s a little Elvira, but what the hell. If I’m going to be a Wiccan, it would only be fitting. Btw, did you see the story about the Wicca teacher who just won the powerball? How’s that for synchronicity? Omen? hmm…

Worked in the garden all day yesterday, finally getting the weeds (ok, a fraction of the weeds) up. Looks good. Yawn… nap time? I got up at 10 this morning (and yesterday morning and the morning before that). I’m just so not cut out for the 8 to 5 life. I gotta finish planning my california vacation… only 3 weeks! I need to go for a jog..kind of hot though.  

 

 

 

Ok… now I know all I talk about here is synchronicity, synchronicity, synchronicity (say that 7 times fast), but this one is just plain weird. My trusty dusty book does tell me, though, that the more you pay attention, the more synchonous things will happen. Case in point…

I have a friend at work who I have this weird psychic connection with. I can read her mind. I’ve talked about that before here, I think. Just for background… we had both talked about going on this music cruise that has patty griffin (who I love) and John Hiatt (who she loves). So, as we were talking about this I went on and on about how much I loved Patty and how I was going to stalk her on the cruise. My friend didn’t know who Patty was though and had never heard her songs.

Last week, I got a comment on this blog (hi mary!) about Patty and how our fellow blogger, Mary, had used Patty’s song “Heavenly Day” at her son’s wedding for a mother/son song. Now, Patty griffin is not exactly mainstream, so the fact that a fellow Patty fan would stumble across this blog is weird in itself. Now, this morning, my friend came in to work and said she heard the coolest song on the radio and she had never heard it before but as she was listening to it thought that it sounded like something I would like, and she was convinced it was patty griffin. She said the name of the song was Heavenly Day! Weird. Then, she said she was thinking about using it as her wedding song (she’s getting married next June)… weird… 2 weddings…same song. Then, I told her that Patty wrote that song about her dog. My friend almost started crying, because (I had forgot abou this when I told her) but she has been really depressed about a dog that she loved and lost about a year ago, but had been thinking about the dog a lot and had been thinking about a way of including his picture or something in her wedding… see how it all comes together??

Anyway, I think that’s pretty synchronous. I think all this stuff is trying to tell me something about my life too. I think what it is trying to tell me is that I need to focus on more feminine influences in my life. I have spent way too much of life looking to men to teach me something insightful. And you know what? All they’ve taught me is that I don’t really need them. No offense to J, who I truly love. But seriously, I rely on men for my self esteem and excitement, and I think they have something to give me, and I’m just not sure anymore. I think maybe it’s time I focused on some female frienships and see what I learn from them.

Speaking of men, though. Saturday is the 10th anniversary of my very first contact with J. : ) And in another month will be our 3rd wedding anniversary. I got him a Dwight Shrute (from the Office) bobblehead doll. We’ll be in California on vacation on our actual anniverary, so hopefully he will do something nice (I’ve been heavily hinting). Last year, he got me the most fabulous Diane Von Furstenberg sexy red dress for a present. I actually tried it on yesterday morning just for kicks. It’s, by far, the best thing I own. I’ve only worn it twice but I’m brining it to California with me and am damn well going to find an excuse to wear it!

What else? My sister’s coming tomorrow and I’m excited. Oh, and I got the program from this earth friendly summit I’m going to present at. It looks awesome! I’m really excited to be a part of it, despite the fact that I’m the aboslute worst public speaker in the history of the world! I don’t care… I am conquering fear and am going to live my life from now on.  Yeah, I’m a little pumped up. : )

Oh.. I was going to wrap this up, but I just have to say, despite my failure in the kitchen the other night, I made a fabulous dinner tonight of kielbasa, fresh potatoes, and onions. Oh…my…god. Yum!  

 

I’m reading this book called “the Power of coincidence: How life shows us waht we need to know.” I bought it because I want to write a book.. about exactly what I couldn’t say. I’ve always wanted to write a book… but never quite sure what kind of book. I’ve flip flopped a lot and this year my goal was just to start writing and see what happened. So I had a basic plot, characters, etc. and I started writing and I think it’s actually pretty good! But I was on page 33 or so and I realized that that wasn’t the book I wanted to be writing. So I let thing percolate a bit and I was reading different things - mostly Joseph Campbell - a lot of things suddenly came together for me and I realized what I wanted my book to be about. Basically a fictional story about a certain stage in a woman’s life and how life sort of gives you what you need in order to be whatever you’re supposed to be.

So… I’ve already blogged about this, but for a quick recap, I was in a bookstore a day after I’d written notes like the ones above for my book. I was looking at kayaking books and maps and stuff and J came over to me and showed me a book he was looking at in the psychology section. This was a little independent bookstore that we never go to, but happened to be seeing a movie on a Wednesday night (also unusual) at a theater we never go to (because it was on the way home from work and I had to see Harry Potter!). Anyway, so I followed him over to the psychology section and I saw the Power of Coincidence book and it just struck me how synchronicitous it was for me to find a book about synchronicty when I had just figured out that that’s what my book was going to be about!

Now, I’m getting into the book and I think it’s about more than just writing my book… I think it’s about some more personal things too, which would explain why I’m interested in writing a book about it. This probably makes no sense.. Basically, I have some work to do. But, for now, some interested things from the book (things I’ve underlined):

“Every experience of falling in love or of entering an intimate relationship is an example of synchronicity since we inevitably meet just the people who teach us what we need to learn about life, love, and ourselves…we bond with the perosn who wills how us what we have not worked through from our past and who will helps up complete our unfinished emotional business, if we are willing to do the work it takes for that to happen…. synchronicity often happens because of a link between a new contact with someone and what follows later that turns out to be important to us….over and over in life we are meeting exactly the people who help us wake up to what is dormant in ourselves…”

“The issue from an old relationship may not be “How bad he was” but “How much I needed to learn!” “Often, the only way a lost piece of ourselves or of our history comes back to us is through another person. The unknown is scary, so just the right people and events come along that help us go there. The only mistake we make is hanging on to some people too long or too briefly. We take them as literally themselves instead of as themselves AND metaphorical forces comes to boost or chide.”

“When we are ready to learn, a teacher appears.” 

Anyway, there are more, but that’s probably enough for now.: ) Too many things in my life have happened this way for me not to see meaning in it. For one small example.. my piano playing. I played piano for a few years when I was a kid and then gave it up. After school, I always had an urge to play music and would vow each year I’d take up the guitar, or the trombone, or whatever. Then a decade went by and one day we were in radio shack and I was messing around with a keyboard and J laughed and said “Why do you always play with pianos when we’re in stores?” and it kind of struck me that that was what I wanted to do. So I made an actual decision to buy a keyboard and had done some research to find a good, reasonably priced one. Anyway… I went to Virginia by myself to visit my friends for a few days and came home and J told me that his dad had a surprise for me. He wanted to give me his mother’s piano! She had loved to play but nobody else in the family played and my father in law really wanted to see it get some use. So, I had the piano.. now I just had to figure out how to play it. I looked online for places that had lessons, but Maine isn’t a real internet friendly state.. .couldn’t find anything. A few days later, I was on the phone with my mom, and the tv was on but was muted, but I was looking at it and an ad popped up for a local music store (at the same mall where I do my grocery shopping) that said they had piano lessons. So I went in that weekend, signed right up, and the rest is history!

Long story.. I know. : ) And there’s way more where that came from. But I feel like the thing with writing is like that too.. like everything is finally coming together so I’ll have what I need to write the book I’ve always wanted to write.

So, that’s that. Not sure the status of the bird mites. Haven’t actually seen one but was itching like holy hell last night and didn’t sleep well. Might’ve been imagining it. J still hasn’t gotten rid of the bird’s nest. I don’t know if the birds’ are still in it or not. Spent most of the day doing laundry, playing piano (finally getting motivated again), reading. AND went for my run/walk. It’s another scorcher here today. I’m so over summer. Yes, I really said that!!  There have been some bad thunderstorms in the aea but they seem to keep barely missing us. 

 

I read this quote recently “Nerds are people who aren’t afraid to be passionate about something.” I think people and their little quirks are great. The wierder the quirk, the better. Those little things that make you smile involuntarily when you think of certain people. Like the fact that they listen to kooky music, or are madly into video games, or they vaccuum out the door so their carpet doesn’t mat down. Think of all the people you know and what makes them unique. Let’s see…

My oldest sister… plans everything.

My middle sister…puts butter on vegan pumpkin waffles

My husband… used to vaccuum me out the door (before we moved in together and assimilated as one, slightly messy person).

My mother in law… buys gray everything…including a specially ordered toilet and bathtub (car, house, etc.)

My father in law… buys grey goose to display on his bar and then uses Smirnoff to make the drinks

My mother… gets vertigo when she realizes she has a grandson

My father….has over 300 unusable outboard motors

Me… what do people say about me? I wonder.

Anyway… I can appreciate people. They make me laugh and keep me interested. Why would anyone put any effort into trying to be normal anyway?

Next subject…synchronicity. Had a weird experience a week or so ago. Was reading Jung and about symbols of the self. Had a dream about my saphire and diamond ring. The next night I turned the page in my book and it said that dreaming about saphire and diamonds were symbols of the “self.” Weird. Jung analyzed himself by his doodles. He doodled mandalas. I was doodling today and my favorite doodle is a spiral, starting at the middle and working outwards. I was thinking consciously about the doodle and wondering what it meant. And then I thought “What would I call this, a spiral? Maybe a “nautilus.” At the EXACT same moment…exact… my coworker was talking to someone about work and said the word “nautilus.” Totally unrelated…totally out of the blue. How weird is that?

Dreams

Oh, speaking of which…dreams. Dreamt I was married to Troy Aikman. He was in the military and we were stationed at Yokota. He had a constant toothache which made his temper flare up. He was depressed because his friend Cap got transferred. We had really loud sex in our room in the barracks. Then he left. He thought I would stay in the room but I went off base to check things out. I hadn’t been out before and felt kind of out of my element. There was a building with a bunch of military men in. One of them was yelling at the others that they shouldn’t be in there. Then I could see (as if I was inside) the commander talking to my husband… talking about his toothache and the fact that he couldn’t control his temper. He was going to be honorably discharged. Then the commander told me and I started crying.

Our bird friend is attacking J. I think she’s lonely. : ( Was eating healthy till the oreo blizzard and cosmo. Got $15 for my boots.