Thanks for the fish

hmm hmm…boy is it good to be home, eating cheese curls for breakfast! Life is good.

We got back on Friday evening in good time. It was a quick trip, and was pretty nice, but I think in everyone’s mind it was sort of something to be gotten through rather than something to enjoy. So we all survived and I have a sneaking suspicion that this will be the last family Christmas for us. And that is ok. I love my family but all of us together at once isn’t necessarily the best idea. My sister has a 2 year old and another on the way, so she is busy and preoccupied and stressed out. And the rest of us are just kind of moody. But my English cousin and his girlfriend spent Christmas day with us and they were very interesting to talk to. And surprisingly the ride down and back with my parents was actually quite pleasant. Having said all that, I’m staying home next Christmas!

I’ve gained a little bit of weight. I really want to lose some, but obviously the taste of cheese curls won over teh possibility of being svelte by spring. I really need to get some self control. I did go to the gym yesterday though and in the new year, I really do plan to make some healthy changes. I haven’t had a cigarette in quite some time. I’m pretty serious about giving up diet coke. And I’m just going to stop buying crap like Ritz crackers and cheese curls that I will mindlessly eat entire boxes of in one sitting. I think I’ll start thinking of some new years resolutions too.

Back to work tomorrow. I feel like i”m in a pretty good place mentally. I guess time away does do you some good. It’s warm here today and I expect much of the snow to go away.My parents got me a bird feeder for Xmas and we filled it with premium seed (not the black oil sunflower like usual) and the birds are not diggin’ it. I suppose they are up at my in-laws getting the good stuff.

I’ve been reading a book called “The World Without Us,” that J got me for xmas. I’ve wanted it for a while but my new frugalilty has stopped me from buying it. It’s really interesting. It tells the story of what might happen if humans were to disappear tomorrow. how long would are houses last? What animals would trhive without us and which ones would go extict (rats, cockroaches, dogs). Interestingly, they said cats would probably survive. That made me smile.

Well…time for a shower and then I’m going to sit by the fire and read my book.

that is not a song. I was just reading my own blog for kicks… gosh I’m funny. I do like how blog.com rearranged the tags so the things I tag often are big. It shows at a glance what I like to talk about: books, food, garden, dreams, music, nature, piano, travel, vacation, work, and writing. That about sums it up, huh? I need to start tagging better. Shocked “martinis” didnt’ make the cut. : )

Anyhoo… we were going to go for a walk around Back Cove but the parking was horrible. Eventually I got fed up with the fact that I was driving around looking for parking so I could go for a damn walk. The ironies of city life. So I was pulling out to drive home and just go for a walk in the country and drove right by our gym, so what the hell. I’m paying $20 a month (I know.. cheap, right??) so we just went there. I did the stair climber. It’s like actual stairs, not the kind where you just step step step. I like it because it’s pretty low impact and you don’t huff and puff, but you sure sweat like crazy. God was I red and wet by the end. But I felt good.

I went to the eye doctor yesterday. Apparently my Giant Papilar Conjunctivitis (I don’t know how to spell that) is 60% better. So hopefully two more weeks in these coke bottles and I can go back to contacts. I just feel ugly and homely with glasses. I like wearing them sometimes but everyday is too much. My designer, high-def glasses are still not in, so it’s the same boring pair every day. My eyes are really the only good feature on my face, so it’s a shame to hide them (she says modestly). I’ve been eating less.. substituting ice cream for lunch on many days of the week. I guess I just need less food in the summer. The weather has been gorgeous. Bought a new pair of shoes today because my sandals broke at work.

Oh… I just have to share a few funny stories. Ok, we all know I’m boy/man crazy. I love men, and when I’m near a cute one, I turn into a complete clutz. At work, I always seem to lose my shoe when a cute guy is around (am I wearing shoes that are too big??). So while I was in California (forgive me if I’ve already told this story), I was at the hotel killing time before I had to go to the airport since I thought (rightly so) that the hotel woudl be more comfortable.. so I got a Heineken and a slice of pizza at the little cafe and this adorable young guy was flirting with me (ok some might say he was just friendly but I got all flustered) so I grab my beer and my pizza and sit down at a table and promptly spill my beer all over the table. doh! So suave. So cool I am a maneater. I do this shit all the time. Will I ever grow out of it?

Well, time for a shower. Then I need to start getting ready for my next trip. Taking Friday off and heading to Virginia for teh weekend. Will see my sisters, my nephew, my sister’s new condo, my friend A… My poor sister U, she just put her cat to sleep maybe 3 weeks ago, then this weekend they had to put their golden retriever down. : ( How sad. It sucks… She’s under a lot of stress and has a baby and a job and a husband who doesn’t seem to do too much.

One more story and I’m going. My mother called last night and I wasn’t really in the mood to talk. Now I love my mom but she’s very anti-kid and she’s said things to me like “The third child was a mistake” (I’m the third child by the way) and “If I could’ve put my kids back (in the womb?) I would have.” Ok, mom, I get the point. And those are direct quotes. I mean, whatever, I don’t care, but it does seem a bit hurtful but I just let it go. So she says to me last night “Just because I say those things doesn’t mean I didn’t love you” blah balh balh… somehow apologizing for it just made me more pissed off. But now I feel bad and mother’s day is coming up and I need to get her something. And NO I don’t blame my parents for all or any of my problems… just telling a story. : )

what is going on? I’m going to California tomorrow. I already feel so run down and am not particularly looking forward to the long plane ride. I’m trying to think if I’ve ever gone on such a long trip alone… like alone alone. I’ve been to plenty of conferences in CA, but usually there is at least one coworker with me. This will be totally solo. I tend to think it’s sort of fun traveling alone, because you don’t rely anyone else and then you realize that you really are pretty self-sufficient. It’s good for the ol’ self esteem. Of course I would never admit to anyone that I’m nervous because I’m a badass… and I can’t say I really am too nervous. Just a little. : )

Had an altercation in the grocery store parking lot. Apparently I dinged a door in this lady’s fancy new red pickup and she got all bent out of shape. That one took counting to 10. I have a temper and boy did she activate it. So I said a few things, but mostly I just shut myself up and then drove away once she had her required insurance information. BITCH!!! grrr… I handled it ok. Yes, I audible said “fucking bitch” as I drove away, but well.. what do you want from me?? She was a bitch!

Anyhoo… it’s raining raining raining like it’s noah’s ark. All night… boy does that sound help me sleep. All day… boy did I want a nap! still… boy do I want to go to bed! I have to get up at 3 am to be ready by 4 am to get to the airport by 5 am to catch a plane by 6 am, to connect in NY at 7:30 am to get to CA at 11:30 am to be in lovely downtown Irvine by 12:30 or so. Actually I have no idea if Irvine is lovely or not, but I’m at the Hyatt, so things are looking up! I don’t think I’ve ever stayed at a Hyatt before. : ) Hopefully they are as nice as I’m imagining.

I’m actually sort of psyched about the conference. It’s about health literacy. So it’s about talkign to people who don’t necessarily have high educations about their health in a way they understand and can relate to. Something a lot of people I work with don’t quite understand. As a copywriter, it makes total sense to me, and I hope to get some solid factoids about health outcomes using these methods so I can say “See!” and hopefully get some good tips too. Because I suppose it is possible that I don’t know everything.

I’m pretty much packed. Brought mostly work clothes because I don’t really belive in wearing jeans to conferences. I know everyone does it, and you’re not at work, but you never know who you might meet. It’s always best to look professional. Bringing some books to read. Wicked - which my coworker/friend A gave me and says is awesome. Artful prose…artful sentences?? something like that that A & D brought me from a conference they went to. Looks like a good writing book that I will never read in my leisure time but could probably be useful in my job.. and in my fiction writing.  And a Carl Hiassen one that I picked up from the lending library at work. I should have plenty of time for reading.

I feel like rambling along about silly stupid topics, but for once I’m going to refrain. : ) I need to practice piano since I’ll be away till Sat. but will probably go lay on the couch and take a snoozaroli. Over and otu till saturday unless I stumble on internet access somewhere.

 This pretty much sums it up:

It’s good to go out and do things because it really makes me appreciate being married – so I don’t have to hang out with girls very often! God, if that’s what it’s like to be single, let me never wish that on myself again. Not that it was all bad. There were fun moments. I got pretty sh*tfaced and am fairly certain I had fun, though I can’t say I entirely remember it. Most of the night I spent stumbling around the Boston streets trying to find somewhere to buy cigarettes. But there was some good food, good wine, good mojitos, good martinis, and a salsa dancing lesson. Then I even tried it out (dancing, that is) with some random Latin guy. I gave up halfway through the song though. I suck! Ha ha.
The weekend was actually a total nightmare, starting with me locking my keys in the car in Portland on Saturday morning. Then a lot of awkward silences with people I don’t know. Lots of mommy conversations about kids, along with the crap about weight, neither of which I really could contribute to, so I didn’t even try. I really hate women sometimes. Not to mention that I blew hundreds of dollars. Grrr… The worst part is that this was just weekend 1 of a very busy spring and I’m exhausted already.

Boston in the morning for a girl’s weekend… should be fun. We have a matinee show of Menopause… whatever that is. : ) and lunch and tootling, and then dinner and then salsa dancing lessons! I’ll have to get pretty drunk to try that, but I guess that’s ok. I’m going with my friend D, and her “crazy aunts” and some other friends of hers that I haven’t met. And 2 other girls from work are going for part of it. I threw a shower for her at work today and I’m so glad it’s over. It turned out really good though and I think she was happy about it. Not that I did it all single-handedly.. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that. Anyway, it was fun, but the whole thing was stressing me out.

2 cocktails a night has become the norm. As has not exercising. Must get back on track… on Monday! Have a ton of work to do and got absolutely nothing done all day. BUt my hair looked good and I even let it go curly, so all is good with the world. And I lost 2 pounds this morning, though after the potluck lunch we had (lasagna, chicken chili, spanikopita, cocktail meatballs, etc.) lost my train of thought…

So I was just talking to J about people at work, and it’s such a weird regional maine thing that there is a certain body type that is very typical of maine women… big boobs, no hips, no butt, skinny legs. J’s mother has that body type and it’s just one that I’ve never really seen anywhere else before. Not that I’ve never seen a woman like that before, but never in such mass quantities. I think it’s a scottish thing. Wait - let me google something… yes! It’s a scottish thing. ha ha.. anyhoo… I must pack, wrap presents for yet another shower, maybe make some cranberry apple chutney, maybe watch that queen elizabeth movie about the golden age… etc. etc. : ) Happy weekend!

by oh so many things today. Mainly work. I love the people I work with but there is absolutely no collaboration, communication, or coordination. We all just do our own things, very well, separately, which becomes extremely frustrating. The morale is sinking and just like in my family, I’m caught in the middle with everyone complaining to me and me yelling at everyone (hot headed redhead that I am). I’ve blown up more times in the last 2 weeks than in the previous year, mostly at people I really like and respect (but drive me nuts). The problem with working with creative people is that there are way too many egos and nobody will budge. I don’t know why I let it bother me though since I’m (unfortunately) peripherally invovled in just about everything. It’s so frustrating because I feel like things shoudl be done collaboratively and I would like to think about things strategically but instead everyone just wants to tell me exactly what to do and make me string 3 or 4 words together cohesively. I like to think I could contribute more but (hey what’s that I hear? ego! ego!). So I judge myself as much as anyone.

I’ve exercised for about 4 or 5 days straight and I am losing weight. I’m eating ok, trying to fit in lots of fruits and veggies but doing much better on the weekends than the weekdays. Today I hit starbucks and got a capuccino and those lovely lovely chocolate covered graham crackers. Heaven on earth. Finishing off my south african shiraz tonight. It’s ok, but I still like my Ravenswood the best and the Bogle petite syrah is #2. Funny how #2 will never sound so good… with those potty connotations. Funny how nobody thinks of #1 that way.

I thought my car was on the fritz but I guess it is ok. Neverless I’ve decided to buy a mini. I’m pretty much at the point in my life where I’ve decided that I’m going to be a selfish bitch the rest of my life and only think about myself..so I might as well get started! I took money out of my “emergency savings” to pay off my subaru, so I need to get that back up, but come August, I’m adding a sexy red mini to my car collection (gotta keep the subaru though for winter driving, hauling mulch, and transporting kayaks). After my freelance check clears, I get my bonus at work, adn get my govt. rebate check, I’ll have enough saved for my kayak and all the gear, plus a littel bit for a downpayment on a mini. I’ll buy a used one of course. And then I’m going to AFrica…. : ) I also need to plan a trip to VA to see my sisters, my nephew, etc. and maybe get my hair done. Can’t plead poverty as an excuse as I’ve already told them about Africa, kayaks, and minis.

Going to CA for a conference in early May. The plane ride will be a bit of a bitch, but I sort of like traveling alone. I say that until a week before when I won’t want to go. : ) But my boss told me to go, so go I will. And with my new “no fear” attitude, I’m determined to go, be brave, and even get out in the California sun and do something! Maybe I will do one of my “artist dates” there. Speaking of which, I need to cathc up to where J is in “the artists’ way” so I guess I will do that. I’ve been doing my morning pages. Usually halfway through, I remember a dream. Last night I dreamt that my ex boyfriend from high school sent me imprints of his feet and x-rays. ????? ha ha. analyze that one. The night before I dreamt about a piece of periwinkle colored glass or crystal. No cigarrettes today (didnt’ have my car where I keep my stash) but lots and lots of caffeine, so I suppose I won’t sleep at all tonight. And as Lucinda says:

Sometimes I don’t know right from wrong
I find it easy to fall
It’s hard when I been up all night long
That’s when I want you most of all

 night night

You have to pronounce it like the Frence do… Kebec! Not Kwebec. Ahh… land of much snow, many hills, and broken diets! Love it! I’ve spent the last 2 days eating fabulous food, drinking red wine, and walking up and down more snowy hills than my poor legs can stand. I’m literally limping! But it’s all good… and we almost missed the big snow storm on the way home. It’s out there now though, howling away, throwing more snwo on top of the gazillion inches we already have. another storm on Wedesday now, they say. I just can’t take it much longer.

Ok, now I’m going to recount all my meals for the last few days. I must do it so I know where to go next time I go to Quebec City.

First, our friends F & A picked us up at 9. 10 minutes later I was hungry and by the time we got to Jackman, Maine, I was about ready to eat my cheap paperback so we stopped in at the 4 seasons restaurant, voted best restaurant in maine in 2006! really?! Wow, in a little outpost like Jackman. Surprising. BUt hey, I got a nice BLT on wonderbread and we were on our way once again. The border crossing is always interesting and F gets nervous under pressure. But we made it through nonetheless, giggling the whole way (not generally recommended). It snowed the whole way too.

We checked into our hotel which was ultra cool, ultra modern hotel that I was quite impressed by. Then we went out in our boots and 50 layers of clothes looking for dinner. Found an irish pub (i know, ha ha.. very french, right?) They didn’t serve food but the waitress/barmaid was so sweet that we stayed for a few drinks. She recommended a place next door for dinner called the Hobbit. Of course she said that in french so I thought she was talking about an obituary. Finally she spelled it and we were like “oooh… the HOBBit.” God bless the people of Quebec for putting up with our english speaking/non french speaking crap. They were very sweet and very accommodating. LIke Paris but without the attitude, I suppose. Not that I”ve ever been. And I guess we got a bit of an attitude, but not a whole lot.

Anyway, dinner was absolutely amazing. I got the special of farfalle a la strogranoff, 1/4 liter (about a glass and a half) of the house red, and tiramisu for dessert. Incredible. Then we wandered around the winter carnival… ice sculptures and ice palaces and music and booze. Then we got tired and headed back…long walk

Next day we had pizza, which was also really good. Can’t remember the name of it but on the main drag in old quebec. Something about the cheese they serve up there… so fresh and good. Then another amazing dinner at a place called Versa. Kind of a schwanky place and we felt  a little underdressed in our jeans and boots, but we got over it. I ordered chicken, which came on a bed of giant french fries. yum! and raspberries cosmos. Breakfast this morning of french toast and apples at a place called le postino. also fabulous. God I love that town. Yes, pretty much all we did was eat. : ) We also did some snow rafting, drank some caribou, and walked around a LOT!

Quebec City is on a hill above the St. Lawrence river, which is huge there. There was ice floating down the river and we watched a barge with a bunch of multi-colored shipping containers float by, slicing the ice as it went. I love watching rivers, especially in busy places. I could watch the mississippi in New Orleans for days on end. I just look at the ship and it reminds me of what you think of as the olden days. These guys from half way across the world who are living on the ships for months at a time, gettin’ stuff around the world. Those are the true adventurers. I’m a bit jealous of them.

Well, I guess that’s it. If you ever have a chance to go to quebec city, go! Just for the food, it’s worth it. : ) back to weight watchers tomorrow.

to be home! I’m one happy girl. : ) Boston was fun.. and fruitful. But I’m a city girl at heart and frankly, I got tired of the noise and the smells and am enjoying being back at my computer in my lovely cottage in the woods with my cosmo in hands and the cats running around like lunatics (and hubby too). : )

I feel like I’ve been very adventuous. I figured out the bus to Boston (not hard, but you know how I get intimidated by everything). Then I got there and I knew I went the wrong way from the bus depot, but I didn’t want to set myself up as a target and drag my map out in the middle of the city, so I just winged it… it was a roundabout way to the hotel, but I got there eventually. And I actually love an excuse to walk around a city at night… it makes me feel so adventurous. So I got there all sweaty and gross and the hotel was really cute. Extremely charming. And extremely L-O-U-D. But first.. the charm. Sooooo cute. And cheap! This is the first non chain hotel I’ve stayed at in years. Hardwood floors, oriental rug, exposed brick walls, historical building, and a queen size sleigh bed (I’ve always wanted one of those!). It felt more like staying in someone’s cool (but small) apartment instead of a hotel. And the windows opened (novel!). Love that! I opened em up and stuck my head out and watched the city life below. Very cool… and great location. But.. as I said, it was goddamn loud. I literally slept about 10 minutes the first night. The second night I had a few beers to send me on my way to never never land (at 8:30) and woke up at 11 to the ever present sound of buses doing there little (big) psssttt… sound. I think there was a bus stop right outside the hotel. And the shower sucked….drizzle drizzle drizzle… I think it took a half hour to rinse the shampoo from my hair. But I still loved the hotel. Harborside Inn… Great location too. Just don’t pay extra for a “city view” as that means you have to listen to the buses all night.

Anyhoo… the conference was good too. About a 15 minute walk from my hotel. The thing with marketing, and especially copywriting, is that there is no science to it. And I’ve heard all this stuff before (well, okay not all of it), but it’s good to be reminded of stuff. And it inspires me. I get discouraged so easily at work, especially wehn I’m bored as shit and havent’ really written anything in weeks (months?). But I go to these things and I realize that I have to communicate better with my boss and my coworkers and make it work, and make our marketing successful because that’s my job! I may only be one small piece of it, but if I’m not vested in the outcome than I’m just one more chink in an armour that’s useless (hmm.. funny analogy…not sure where I came up with that one… :  0 ) So, starting tomorrow, I’m going to be on my game! Oh… get this… I actually networked! I went to dinner with a girl I met (and lunch). I joked around, it was really fun! I’ve totally underestimated the power (and fun) of being social and stuff. I’m a lone wolf by nature. I’m usually the one person in the group who doesn’t fit in, so hey, I’m making major progress. And besides, it’s nice to talk to people about their work environment and understand that people have the same challenges and stuff. Good stuff.

I’ve realized lately that the more I put myself out there, the better. Like the presentation I did… I don’t think I ever got into what it was about… it was basically about how the average citizen can make small changes around their home to save energy and do a small part in preventing global warming. I’m no expert, but I joined a state run program that gives you advice and I’ve had significant changes in my electric bill and I also switched to a power source that is renewable (a hydro electric dam). Now I want to see this program succeed because I invested time (and agony) into the presentation I did. So I offered to write a newspaper article for a local free newspaper and I’ve even volunteered to do some local presentations to people in my town. This is stuff I would have never dreamed of doing before, but it makes me feel good because I feel like I’m doing a small part to make a difference, and I’m pushing myself to do things that are uncomfortable - which I think is the only way you can grow. It’s so easy, especially in our culture - to just be comfortable all the time. And the smallest things make us uncomfortable because life is so damn easy! I know.. I’m rambling big time. I’m on my second cosmo and first sleeve of saltines.. What the hell am I talking about, I have no idea.

So to wrap up… I don’t know how people live in the city. It’s fun to visit, but I sure couldn’t live there. Too many people, too many smells, oh! One more thing. OK…I’ve gotten bamboozled by shysters in about every city in the country. I’ve had “homeless” guys tell me stories on 20th and K Sts. in DC and I’ve given them money to have the same assholes ask me for money 30 minutes later on 23rd and M, with a different story and not even remembering that I already gave them $5. But the WORST are the white guys who try to hit you up for $20 a pop. I don’t know that I’ve ever fallen for it, but I’ve had plenty of people try and they are all very indignant when you refuse. I had this happen in Toronto. Then in Fort Lauderdale a guy got belligerant with J because he didn’t fall for his stupid story. Usually it has something to do with a transportation issue and they’re fairly well dressed. What pisses me off is that these people are not homeless…they’re just fucking shysters who prey on people who are good hearted and feel bad for them. They position themselves as the opposite of homeless people… look I’m an everyday joe and this could happen to you.. wouldn’t you want someone to help you… Except this has happened to me too many times and I can peg them a mile away. So this guy comes up to me with his bullshit story as I’m sitting outside the bus depot (after walking 15 blocks, sweaty as hell and in no damn mood for being played a fool), and I just brush him off with “I don’t have any money” he goes on again “I have no cash” and he goes on this rant about how people in Boston suck and that’s why he lives on the Cape. And what I hate about it is that even though I know he’s a shyster, I still feel bad about myself.. it’s their psychological trick to make you cave. But he left. And I’m still pissed. Get a fucking job dude and stop bothering tourists with your inane stories.

Ok. : ) That’s all. Good night!

workout at the gym. I’ve been working in the garden practically all day. My body is aching, I have dirt crusted under my fingernails, cuts all over me… I love it! It is an absolutely perfect day…must be close to 70 and not a cloud in the sky. It’s the kind of day where if you’re feeling blue, you look around and think “what the f is wrong with me? It’s too pretty to be sad.”

I got about 30 more daffodils planted. Put some in the rose garden, a few in the wildflower garden. I decided not to move my butterfly bush. It’s in my rose garden and has taken over about half the space. So I was going to move it, but it looked so darn happy there, and who am I to take away someone else’s happiness? So I just moved my little pink rose over so it could get some sun, and then planted my 2 new roses. They’re both red. So I have 4 red roses and 1 pink. It’s hard to find anything other than red, unless you go into hybrid tea territory, but then I’d have to bury them every winter, and that’s too much work. Then I weeded and mulched, so one bed looks perfect. : ) Here’s a picture.

Sidways… hmm.. well that doesn’t give you a great idea, but trust me, it looks good.

Here’s my adorable new birdbath.

In my mess of a weed garden. Oh well..

And my front step with my asters and pansies (and indian corn on the door… nice touch, eh?)

Not a great picture either. hmm.

Anyway… I’m exhausted. Now I’m making squash stuffed with wild and basmatic rice and cheese. I made scones this morning. I’m going to weigh 200 pounds soon. Started “Hero with 1,000 faces” again this morning. I’m sort of on hiatis from my book right now. I need to percolate some more. I’m just not sure where to go, so I thought I’d do some more reading and see what happens. I’m also still reading “animal vegetable miracle” and “The Devil and Miss Prym” by Paulo Coelho.

Off to Boston tomorrow! Now I’m excited. It’s nice to be out in the world by yourself sometimes. It’s sort of liberating. I need to pack. Besides, I’m going to a copywriting conference so maybe I’ll learn some new stuff. : ) Yuk… I have dirt all over me, even under my clothes. I think it’s time for a shower. Oh! Since I’m on my new mind training kick, I dug out my Go board. Now I just need to figure out how to play and teach J.  I’m going to be so smart by the end of the winter!

So much for fall. I may have packed up most of my summer clothes, but thank god we left the air conditioners in. It’s in the 90s today and pretty much unbearable… so I thought I’d come into the office… the bastion of air conditioning where J and the black cat have been holed up all day. I’ve been practicing piano as the sweat is dripping off my body as my other cat (he doesn’t like the a/c listened to me). I’m getting a little frustrated with my teacher. Last week I practiced a ton and I thought she was going to be really happy with my progress but instead she gave me a lecture about expression. I can totally appreciate what she was saying, but… well, come on. It’s not like I’m the next . I’d be happy to work on one song for a month and make it perfect, but instead she gives me 3 or 4 a week so I spend the whole week getting to the point where it actually sounds like a song. But whatever, it’s still fun. : ) I’m realizing I really like Beethoven. I’m working on his “Three Country Dances.” Last weekend I was trying to book fun things for each winter month and saw that there is going to be a Beethoven piano concerto in Portland with some young mid 20s guy who is supposed to be very good. It’s not till february though. I’m also working on “this masquerade”… a jazz number. the last song in my jazz book. Too bad because that was a fun book. I used to think Jazz was hard, but once you get the hang of it, it’s fun. And it’s a nice break from brain crushing classical music. You’d think that at the advent of a new instrument like the piano that they would have started out with some easier music. It’s really amazing how those guys created all this elaborate music. It boggles the mind how smart some people are.

I rented Amadeus from netflix because I’d wanted to see it since it came out in like 1985. But it was a 2 dvd set (have I told this story?) and I put the wrong one in first. Of course I didn’t understand what was going on, but you know how some movies are. Then I didn’t have the heart and go back and watch the first half, so I sent it back. But it gave me a bit of an idea of his genius (but unfortunately not mine…doh!)

Got my haircut. My hair dresser is a hoot. She cracks me up. she’s just so down to earth and funny. Though I think we basically just have the same conversation over and over, which you can do when you only see someone once every few months. I just got a trim and had her cut the front shorter. Then driving home someone on the highway honked at me and gave me the finger even though I did nothing wrong. So I gave them the finger back and tailgated them till they exited. : ) No, not really. I just stayed behind them. I wanted them to see me in their mirror so they could think about what they had done. Honestly people… we live in Maine. Re-lax mon.

Oh! Tried my light therapy this morning. I slept awfully last night. I feel pretty good today (took a nap though) so we’ll see. Yesterday I woke up exhausted and all day felt like I was in a total fog. Then last night I started wondering if there was something more serious causing my extreme exhaustion. Then I started thinking about my poor cats becoming orphans… well, you see how the night went. Thank god for morning. : )

Last night we went to borders and I found a great resource book to write my book… it’s called “the language of the goddess” by Marija Gimbutas. Awesome! I had a dozen mind blowing ideas for my book. But now it’s hard to pick one. Just like my life… so many options that I hate to actually commit to any one of them. I had started thinking it would be a pretty realistic, sort of da vinci code-esque kind of thing. Now I’m thinking about adding some kind of supernatural elements to it. I mean, what’s the fun of fiction if you stick to the world of reality? I dunno. Then we went to check out a gym to join. I think we will. I need something to keep me active in the winter and it’s hard here. I’ve been more active than ever lately and haven’t lost a goddamn pound. I joined a group called peertrainer.com. It’s an online community where people are supposed to inspire you to lose weight.

Putting the finishing touches on my California itinerary. I’m thinking Golden Gate park, Chinatown, SFMOMA (if I can talk J into it), Alcatraz, and ghost tour, and that will probably be all we have time for in SF. I’m excited! Ready to get out of town.

Goig out tonight. More beer and nachos.. so why do you think I’m gaining weight?