Thanks for the fish

a Monday today. Hmm… maybe because it is Monday! It was a cold, dreary, rainy day today. I was in a funk all day and didn’t feel very well. But… I talked to my friend J (I know.. yet another J) from VA and it’s amazing what a good conversation with a good friend can do to your spirits! She’s so great. We do fantasy football with a group that we used to work with so we talk about football and people we used to work. She has 2 young kids and now lives in a McMansion in suburbia and has a land rover. So, yeah, we have some ideological differences…but she’s pretty cool. : ) For one, she used to a semi-professional pool player.. so that says something.

Anyway, I’m getting further into my book and it is so great. Obviously it fits in with my life view pretty well and that’s why it speaks to me, but, to me, it just all makes perfect sense and is giving me oodles and oodles of material for my book (not to mention my life). There was a part about the ego and how it holds you back. I have a pretty big ego. So today I tried to recognize when my ego was kicking in and tried to see the bigger picture. If you look at it like the ego is just a small part of the bigger Self (usually a selfish part) then that helps to kind of take a step back and stop taking things so personally.

Then there’s a part about the Trickster. These are the people and events in your life that kind of bring down your ego. Like the boyfriend who took you for all you worth (yeah, I had one of those), or the girl who stole your purse and your identity (yep), things that happened but ended up being for the best (though I still haven’t figured out how the whole identity theft thing was positive). Well… actually I kind of can. But that’s another long story. Some people I can’t figure out if they are tricksters or “true messages from the authentic self.” The part I’m on right now is pretty deep. But… if you’re into Jungian concepts but can’t read Jung (um, yeah, like me) this is a good book to sort of make sense of all that. It kind of brings together all these things that I’ve been interested in into one sort of coherent whole.

This is my favorite quote though I’m not exactly sure what it means. It’s by Virginia Woolf. “There are waves by which a life is marked, a rounding off that has nothing to do with events.” It’s like I said about age 32… it was an intense year (probably the most intense of my life), but nothing actually happened!  

Another good one “Comfort and routine are the two sworn enemies of our lively energy, and the trickster battles these enemies on our behalf.” I knew it!! Are you getting tired of this mumbo/jumbo yet? : )

Booking our Xmas plans… I wonder if I’ll ever spend a xmas in Maine. Back to VA again, but this time I’m dragging J with me, and we’re staying in a hotel! I will NOT sleep on a couch this christmas. Funny how the person who can least afford it always has to travel for xmas (oops, there goes my ego… down girl! Gosh… and I thought my Id was bad… )  

I don’t need to have patience with…that’s the british embassy. Got my passport already! Well, actually not quite. They tried to delivery it today but it needs a signature..so I’m picking it up tomorrow! Yay, <imagine a british accent> I’m british! I don’t know why… but I like knowing that if anything went wrong, or if I just got goddamn sick of everyone, I could not only move to a different state, but a different country! I love options and outs. : ) Maybe I’ll do a Harry Potter tour… hee hee..just kidding. I’m not that nerdy. Ok, I am…. so what? 

Speaking of which, i should get back to Harry. Did my weight training tonight. I’m definitely getting stronger. I would’ve gone jogging, but I think I saw a drizzle or two of rain. yuk. Manana. Doo dee doo… well, not much to report on here. Nighty night! 

What’s a girl to do?

Stressful day. Still mulling over a career change. It’s a really hard decision. I think I’ve decided “no” though. It seems silly to turn down a 10K raise and lots and lots of bennies, but my heart is telling me what to do. It’s not like I’m just resisting change. When it comes to jobs, I’m usually all for change (even when there are serious incentives to stay). Change is good. But I feel like even with a big pay raise and working with people I know and love… I feel like it would be a step backward. I finally got a 100% writing job, which has been my goal forever and ever amen. I can’t let money make all my decisions for me. Plus, I live in Maine… I need to start cutting the cord and start making contacts here. I don’t live in VA anymore. Deal! Whoa…did I just make a decision?? Am I being dumb?

Running around like a chicken with my head cut off today, getting my UK passport stuff together. $200! What a racket. Must be ready for the worst for the 2008 elections though… already scoping out a cute little cottage in the Cotswolds… I’ll call it “Happy Hollow.”

Met my friend and old coworker for lunch today. All I can say is… glad it ain’t me!

That Al Gore… what a man of integrity! I hate the media! I hate politicians! I have a shitload of things to be doing tonight!

I may be away for a few days… don’t take it personally. I’ll be busy changing diapers and trying not to be offended by rude remarks from various family members. And trying not to melt in excessively hot and humid and inhumane temperature.

when this life is o’er

I’ll fly away

To that home on god’s celestial shore

I’ll fly away

I love that song.. but cannot play it on the piano. The recital was ok. I loved the piano… it was ancient steinway and sounded wonderful and the touch on it was incredible. It was sort of muted. I went early and ran though my songs perfectly. Then sat and waited. Got nervous and did ok on Tuxedo Junction. Then for Rose How a Rose E’er blooming, I’m not sure what happened, but I think I got so distracted by how good it sounded that I totally spaced out and kind of forgot how to play the song. : ) Whoops. It doesn’t matter at all but I was disappointed in myself just because I’ve worked on the damn song for 2 f-ing months! Oh well.. it’s over. And 10 people showed up to see me. Not too shabby. I must be a damn likeable person. Now I’m working on Mozart.

Was so tired when I got home… went straight to bed and slept for about 13 hours.. still tired when I woke up and felt kind of funky all day. I think it’s this damn dreary weather. Went out and planted 6 periwinkles and did some hoeing and that made me feel a bit better. Then went to  Borders. My guy is back. Yay. Bought Fodor’s Northern California. I was impressed that I found a book that covered everywhere I wanted to go… SF, yosemite, sequoia and kings canyon, and monterey. So now I can finish planning. And was feeling bad for bashing kids all the time, so bought my nephew “Night Night Peter Rabbit” that’s soft and feels like a powdered donut. No time like the present to make him associate books with comfort. It will serve him well later. Was going to buy “Flow” by that guy whose name I can’t spell. And had “Mrs. Dalloway” in hand till I realized that I really don’t enjoy Virginia Woolf’s books (as much as I really want to).

Seems like I have a busy summer planned. U is coming up in August and I think Sam is too. I’m going down in June. J’s going down in August for his FFL draft. Then my kayaking trip, a bbq with j & K, a couple of concerts (patty griffin, tool), a party at a’s… Guess that’s not so much for an entire summer. : ) Cleaning lady is coming on tuesday to give me an estimate.

Well, tonight I’m doing my weight training, vacation planning, maybe work on some of my music theory software, do some reading. Not really in the mood for a drink, but considering it anyway. I think I’m already too funked out to get drunk, though it might make me feel better. Hmm.. decisions decisions.

Paid off my credit card bill by taking the interest off my emergency fund money. Feels good to be out of debt. Now I can concentrate on saving.

My ox eye daisy is blooming.. love daisies. My veronica in the shade garden is blooming… lupine is thinking about it. Finally dug up the giant buttercup that was next to the lupine. It was awfully pretty, but I was afraid it was chocking out the lupine. Need to put some organic matter on all my beds this summer. I wish the fucking sun would come out!!! 

and green. My irises are blooming. Vegetable garden is looking good. Rose buds are on! Weeds everywhere! But it’s pretty out there. Just a quick post because I’m on a tight schedule. I’ve decided to become like my sister and do everything by routine in the most boring way possible. But I guess that’s how you accomplish things. So now my nights will consist of:

dinner

piano practice

exercise

writing

yoga

meditation

reading

bed

That’s Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday is piano and grocery shopping. Friday is dinner and borders. Did you want to know anything else about me? My favorite color is periwinkle any my pet peeve is when I can’t open a jar that has its lid on too tight. Off to yoga! Aren’t I lucky? Look at my cake schedule. Sure is nice to have absolutely no responsibilities, other than work. : ) Decided to keep writing on my book till I think of a better idea. Did I mention I’m going to Virginia in a month? Well, I am. 90 degree temperature and 99% humidity. Can’t wait!! Oh, 3 days till my recital. Ack! 

Found this place at big sur… http://www.treebonesresort.com/… this looks awesome… luxury yurts with ocean views! This may take a bit to convince J, but I’m going to try.  I need to buy a book about California to see what I really want to do, but so far I’d like to: spend a few days in san francisco, drive south to the monterey/carmel by the sea area, then east to sequoia/kings canyon, then up to  yosemite and back to sf. We’re only there a week.

Pollen is high and is making me cough and making my eyes red. It was a beautiful day today. Went for a walk tonight and watered the veggies. Bought 4 new perennials at the farmers market… a daisy, a geranium, a coreopsis… and something else. Figured I’d put them in the weed garden so as to choke out more weeds. Didn’t plant them though.

Here’s a picture of the jack in the pulpit I transplanted to my shade garden:

I transplated 2 that I had put in pots and stashed in the woods last summer (then forgot about). I forgot that I also planted some seeds I gathered from them so there are 3 babies in the bed. Must start labeling stuff! Who knows how many “weeds” I’ve pulled up that I’ve actually planted.  Oh well.

I can’t believe it’s already 9. Guess I’ll do some reading. Been reading Generation Loss… it’s pretty good. I’m getting to the part that takes place in Maine. It’s pretty good so far. Tonight I think I’ll read the Art of Seduction.

I think there is some potential at work for a good group. Me and my coworker went to a goodbye party for free cake (there’s always free food there) and there are some guys who seem pretty funny. One of them is a newish guy who got up and sang at the awards dinner. We have a new guy starting in our department soon too. I’d like to meet more people outside of my department.

I have welts from black fly bites all over my arms. and the mosquitos were out tonight. got a present from Jill today… a bracelet she got in the dominican republic. It’s very pretty. Had too many 2 bite brownie bites tonight, but I’ve been working out. Hoed the weed garden yesterday and think I probably burned about a gazillion calories (hard work!). Anyway, that’s all. Good night. 

One more thing… I’m feeling very proud of myself for being so patience and persevering. I look at my job and other things and see how patience really pays off. : ) I love it when a plan comes together.  

Perfection is summer in Maine. All those morbid winter thoughts and godforsaken landscapes replaced with…bliss. I love it. There’s no way I’m going down to VA this summer. I’m spending every second right here. Though i would like to take a trip to Vermont for a weekend. I figured out the other day that there are only 17 states I’ve never been to. So I’ll make it a goal to go to them. The closest is Vermont. The others are:

Arkansas

Oklahoma

Oregon

Washington

Idaho

Rhode Island

Michigan

Montana

Wyoming

South Dakota

North Dakota

Nebraska

Kansas

Kentucky

New Mexico

Iowa

Missouri

Some of them I have technically been to, but either I was very young or I just don’t really remember it (New Mexico - 4 corners, so only about an inch into the state), Missouri (drove through, Corvair van broke down, went to a mall), Iowa (must’ve driven through to get to MO, but don’t remember at all). Hope to knock Montana, Wyoming, Oregon, Washington (or at least some of them) all the list this fall.

Anyway, what did I do today? Put some weedblocking fabric down behind the boulder bed. Weeded the weed garden and mulched around existing known weeds. Will have to see if any other pretty weeds sprout up there. Finished the window boxes and bought some metal brackets. Bought some seeds - california poppies, thumbelina zinnias, morning glories, foxglove, cosmos. Bought some house plants for work. Dug up a patch of bee balm and divided one of my silver mounds for the plant sale. Not sure if I did it right, so I’m hoping for the best.

Got in a fight with J about hanging stuff on the clothes line. He doesn’t like the lint. This is exactly what I’m talking about - people can’t make tiny sacrifices like having a little bit of lint, or their lights aren’t quite as bright… sacrifice people! Why would anyone bother thinking about lint in an entire lifetime? Maybe I’m naive but I think people should just do what makes them happy… and not worry about lint. : ) But alas… as I say that I realize that work is a mere 12 hours away. : ( Though it’s not so bad. I have a 2 day conference Tue/Wed and an awards dinner on Tue.

My boots on ebay are up to $5.50. Haven’t written in what feels like weeks… except for “Ode to a Ginger-O’. Thank god the ginger-os are gone. I’ve had a ravenous appetite. Trying to resist the urge to make vegan pumpkin waffles…

Oh, also bought a columbine for the garden to put where the dead heather was. It’s pretty… purple. Also pruned my roses today. The wild rose in the weed garden is looking good. Actually I think all my weeds came back (hence the moniker)… the purple loosetrife, ox-eye daisy, goldenrod, yarrow, daisy fleabane, queen anne’s lace (along with 500 of her friends), black eyed susan. 

Met DS for the first time today. Have heard a lot about it but never met. Handsome. Wish I had had a chance to know his son.