Thanks for the fish

I haven’t been writing much lately, and there’s one simple reason. I’ve been really really grumpy. Like even grumpier than my normal grumpy. And not only do I annoy myself with my grumpiness, but I figured nobody wanted to hear about it. However, there is reason for hope:

1. Tomorrow is February. February is the generally the last month of bitter cold here, and the last month of really dark days. In fact, by February 15, the sun will still be up if I leave the office at 5. Already, there is light in the sky when I leave (though the sun has technically already set.). I’m thrilled to leave January behind (finally!) and will be even more thrilled when February is over.

2. I’ve been exercising like a madwoman. Not really because I want to, but because J makes me and it gives me more weight watcher points that I can consume in the form of red wine. As much as I hate going to the gym, I have to admit I feel a helluva lot better when I leave then I did when I walked in. I’ve even gotten a pretty regular schedule down so I’m lifting weights twice a week. I actually really dig lifting weights.

3. I don’t actually have a #3 planned, but let’s see what happens… ah! I’ve going on vacation this month…not once but twice! We are going to see my super favorite sister in law (and super favorite sister in law’s boyfriend) in New Hampshire next weekend. They’re really two of my favorite people. The plan is to go cross country skiing. Never done it before. I feel like maybe I would like it, but also maybe I would hate it. Who knows? Not too dangerous… but maybe too tedious? We’ll see. Not sure where I’ll get skis from, but hopefully someone has figured that out. Then at the end of the month.. Texas! I have $1,500 saved up for lovely Mexican food (weight watchers will also be on vacation that week..good planning!), margaritas, and something from the spa. Maybe a massage. hmmmm…. Some people don’t like massages. I’m not one of those people. I don’t care if I’m naked. I’m paying good money, make me moan! And I don’t care if it’s a woman or a man either (this coming from the girl who can’t change into her gym clothes in front of other people at the gym).

I have also a positive spin on this shitty ass economy. Well, for one, J did not lose his job in his company’s layoffs, though he is applying for a different job in his company anyway. Plus, I haven’t lost my job yet. Yay. But even better than those two things, the sales can not be beaten!! I got a bunch of stuff from jcrew.com. Huge sale and I wouldn’t normally pay the exhorbitant prices there. But I do like their stuff and most of it does last a long time. I have a green sweater from there that I’ve had for years and years. But I got a merino wool black cardigan and some camisoles. The only bad thing about their final sales is that you can’t return them. So it’s too risky to buy pants in my opinion. Then… yesterday at Macy’s I bought two really nice shirts. They’re made of viscose and I’m not 100% sure what that is but I am trying to buy all natural fibers lately and I’m pretty sure that’s not a natural fiber. However, they are very cute and one of them is… get this… purple! I don’t think I have ever owned anything purple, ever. I’m diggin’ it. The other one is green. I have a bad habit of buying two of the exact same thing in different colors. Oh well.

What else? I”m making rice and bean tacos for dinner. I bought a new kind of rice… brown basmati. I was really hungry and then realized the rice took 50 minutes to cook. That’s hard core, man. But I’ve enjoying my glass of Fisheye Cab Sav. I’ve learned to love cheap wine. The economy is shit. I can adapt.

I’m also looking for an indoor clothesline, but no luck so far. Not sure what to get… a drying rack, a retractable line, or just stretch a rope up somewhere.

worthwhile to blog about tonight? I do not know. Ok, so rambling it is.

Went to my eye doctor and he said it wasn’t as bad as last year. I need to put these patanol drops in my eyes twice a day and within a month I should (key word) be able to wear cotnacts again, at least a few times a week. I’ll take it at this point. My doctor’s really nice and sweet but every time I go there I wait an hour and that just drives me nuts. My only consolation was that I was not at work. Then I went to Rite Aid to pick up my meds and that took about 40 minutes.sigh…

I’m overwhelmed at work and moody. On top of the quitting smoking, this weight watchers thing makes me super grumpy. I can not be hungry gracefully, and hungry I am. Buuuttt… I already lost 2 pounds! In a day! If I could just keep up that pace, I’ be at my goal weight within weeks. sweet! But if I could get philosolphical about it all (what? me?), it’s an interesting experience being hungry all the time. It puts it all in perspective. I don’t have the energy to try to be someone I’m not. And I don’t really care. Even the cute boys don’t phase me when I’m starving. I say “oh look…cute boy.” and then I have to shut down to conserve energy. No more fantasies for me, unless they involve a boston creme pie and a giant vat of mashed potatoes. too bad I don’t have the food network anymore. I could totally go for that right now.

But really, I’ve realized how little food the human body really needs. In fact, I still have 4 points left, even after dinner and a cocktail. Plus, I plan to exercise. I think it will be good, though I feel like I’m neglecting my writing. As you cna see from this, I just haven’t been in the mood. So my plan is to read a lot and read some writing books too. You can always learn something new. I wrote one kind of good thing at work today. Otherwise I’m kind of stuck. Overwhelmed. It’s like my whole body and mind has just slowed down. I feel mono-like tired again today. Oh well… complain complain.

I’m off to play piano, do some jumping jacks, and finally finish up “a short history of myth,” which isn’t as good as I was expecting. But the good news is I can then start my next book, which I think will be a Kurt Vonnegut.

or a lemon! Even though my husband says that I am. Just because I have rheumatism sometimes (I swear it’s going to snow!), and I’m grumpy and irritable… I don’t think I should be traded in for a new model. : (

Yes, I’ve hit the winter lows. I’m grumpy as all get out. My body hurts and just doesnt’ feel right. I’m unmotivated at work. My body is falling apart. I’m wasting and pining and my own husband doesnt’ want to have sex for teh first time in FIVE MONTHS because he’s working out too hard at the gym. My cat dumped over my last cosmopolitan. I’m gaining weight the more I exericse. oh my god… whine whine whine pout!

Big sigh… well, what else is there to say? Winter is here.

a day off in the middle of the week…especially a day by myself. Something about the weekends are too hectic. I know I have a lot to do, I know J has a list. I feel overwhelmed, then I feel guilty, then I rebel and nap all weekend, because damint, that’s what you’re supposed to do on the weekends! And then I let j do all the work around the house, then I complain that he doesn’t know how to relax (because I feel guilty). Wouldn’t the psyche be such a nicer place without guilt?

Anyway, so it’s Veterans’ Day and I got the day off from work and J didn’t. My plan, of course, was to sleep in late, get up, have breakfast, take a nap, tootle around, eat, take another nap…you get my drift. Yes, I am in fact the laziest person on the face of the earth. But unfortunately, home depot was set to deliver 4 tons of wood pellets sometime “in the morning.” So as I lay in bed around 6 am, I keep going over and over in my mind how fast I can jump out of bed, throw on some jeans, put on a bra and shirt, brush my teeth, put on shoes and socks once the doorbell rings. I have this thing where I hate to keep people waiting.So eventually I decided to just get out of bed and get halfway dressed, then go back to bed. But once I was up, I just got up… at 7 am. On a day off!

Then somehow I decided to organize the coat closet. I hung a hook (yay me!), though I did take me longer than it probably should have to figure out how to get a drill bit in a drill. But I eventually did, and hung up all my grocery bags on the hook. Then I organized all of our hats, scarves, and gloves neatly on the shelf. Then the shoes and the rest of the winter wear. : ) I keep walking over to the closet and admiring my work. I actually like organizing, it’s just one of those thigns that always gets pushed to the bottom of my priority list. I also have a hard time keeping up with my organizational systems after I set them up, so it sometimes seems like a pointless task. But it has to be done every now and then.

So then the pellet guy arrives. Super nice guy. J told me to tell him to stack them in the driveway, so let me do the math for you. 30 feet from that spot to the door to the basement, plus going down the stairs (or since we’re buying a building to put out back, the same 30 feet to the building X 200 forty pound bags of pellets = one bejesus of a backache for me and hubbie. But the house (and garden…and leech field…and trees) is configured in such a way to make it really hard to get a vehicle over to the spot in question by the back stairs. But mr. super nice guy walks over with me and asks me if I mind if he runs over my compost pile with his forklift (didn’t even realize he had a forklift till he said something). I said no and he stacked 4 pallets of pellets (sounds like a nursery rhyme doesn’t it) very neatly right by the back door. He got a good tip.

Very pleased with myself after the pellet incident, I continued organizing. I got my gym bag all together with a separate set of toiletries, makeup, etc. so I can start having a shower at the gym and saving on water/heat at the house. Found my flannel sheets and got those on the bed (thank god…it’s been hell getting into a cold bed lately). Then I ripped about 50 cds onto my computer so I can get rid of all the cds. And I practiced piano.

I also walked around my garden and really enjoyed it. It’s getting pretty chilly out there, but I love this time of year because the garden suddenly seems manageable. I just give up on it in the summer because it gets all overgrown and out of control and it just seems like I’ll never be able to tame it. But now everything’s dead. : ) Thank god for winter! Now I can actually envision some projects and see what I have to do. I want to build some brick edging between my garden and the “lawn” (mowed down weeds) so the weeds don’t creep into my periwinkle. I also want to plant some more patches of periwinkle so eventually J can stop mowing down weeds. There’s one big field where our leech field is, which will probably always be mowed weeds, but at least he can doing the sides and back. I’ve got this weird thing against mowing. I feel like it’s somethings no one should have to do. It just seems so pointless.

Anyway, I think I will actually take a well deserved nap now adn then I’m going to meet J at the gym. We’re exercising fools. He is actually jogging for 30 minutes straight. He’s fit and skinny, but he could never run before and didn’t think he could. Now he’s doing it, and I’m not too far behind him. I did 20 minutes of very slow jogging last time. It’s hard for me, but I like the challenge of it…even if the progress is deathly slow.